For the past twenty minutes I have been trying to open this goddamn bottle of prescription cough medicine to a) help me stop hocking up my lungs every few minutes and b) go to sleep.
God.damn.child.proofing.caps.
I am <this>close to getting out a propane torch to crack this baby open.
If you don’t have any kiddies in the house who may get into it, you can ask the pharmacist for a regular screw top.
And if you do have any kiddies in the house, you can ask them to open it for you.
You need to calm down. Set the bottle down and breath deeply. Wiggle your fingers to loosen up. Go on, do it. Now, lightly grip the cap, gently pressing the sides where the bottle says to. Lightly! Gently! Lefty-loosie!
No? Get the Pliers. 
One word.
Chainsaw.
I set the bottle down.
I wiggled my fingers.
Took in deep calming breaths.
Surfed the board for awhile.
and.I. Still.Can’t.OPen It.
and the kids and hubby are off at a concert right now.
WAH.
I might as well buy a cemetary plot and casket, fercryingoutloud, I feel so old.
If it’s the typical cough medicine top, sit the bottle down on the desk. Stand up and press the palm of your right hand down on the cap hard, then form a tight fist [to what extent you can] around the cap and turn. That’s usually how I get them off.
Tools are your answer:
Drill + straw = soothing relief
A triangular bottle opener, inserted under the edge of the cap, will allow you to turn it enough to open it. Or, use a cheap serrated knife (you’ll have to throw it away after this) to slice off the top. A zipper-seal sandwich bag will hold the rest of the pills.
For those of you sitting on the edge of your seats waiting to see if I died from exertion, I would like to report that I finally opened the damn thing about four seconds ago and took my prescribed gooey cough syrup.
It was a strangely anti-climatic moment.
And I did it just like chatelaine recommend, even though I didn’t see her post until just know.
I think I sprained something. I need to call my lawyer.
I sympathize, Shirley. I’ve never forgotten some years back when I had surgery on my primary hand, and a couple of days later hubby left me at home alone for no more than an hour. And during that hour, my pain meds wore off completely. The doctor had told me to stay on top of the pain for the first few days especially, so there I was with a pill bottle with a childproof cap, one-handed with my wrong hand.
Pain is the mother of invention. I got that sucker open in about ten seconds flat. To this day I don’t know how, but ah, blessed relief…after that I asked for non-childproof capped bottles till I got the use of my other hand back! (No small kids at home, fortunately.)
I had both my wrists out of commission at the same time, broke the right sprained the left. I dumped the all of the different pills into a small bowl and set them by the bed. Looked like an hors doeuvre tray from the Dan Akroyd version of Dragnet [there is a druggie cultist party where huge bowls of mixed pills are passed around and people take them by the handsful=)]
I’m glad you got the blasted thing open. I’ve been close to tears many times trying to open stuff.
Hope you get well soon!