All I can think of right now is Uncle Jun and Tony Soprano.
(Uncle Jun shot Tony because he thought he was somebody else, in his delusional state.)
This person has not spent a single second thinking about what she’s asking someone to do. It might be okay if they threw in 400 hundred bucks a week in addition to room and board but just barely.
Even if it really was strictly 12 hr/day 5 days a week, that’s still a 60 hr work week. For room and board in someone else’s home? where you would have to abide by their rules and eat whatever food they provide? Definitely not worth it.
I had a similar job when I was 20. I helped an older paraplegic lady who did not have any kind of dementia. On duty 24/7 for room, board, and $100/month. No time off unless I trained someone and paid them with my own money to cover for me. I think I lasted three months. Nope, not reasonable.
Worst deal I’ve heard in a long time.
The FB person must be grasping at straws. Do not judge him/her unless you’ve been in a similar quandry.
My husband, whose job at the time involved telecommuting, became my mother’s primary caretaker during her “moody” stage. He ended up quitting because my mother needed constant supervision. She never wandered, but she was worse than a toddler when it came to pulling things out of drawers, breaking all the Christmas ornaments (she didn’t recognize what they were), tearing up papers, hiding the mail, you name it. More than once, while delusional, she threatened to call the police because she thought my husband was going to rob her. We had to wait for her to deteriorate to a certain level before she could go to a day program. The program itself ran from 9-3 which gave my husband a much-needed break. However, she’d ramp up again after I’d come home from work straight through the night. There were times when neither of us slept because we were afraid she’d fall down the stairs or injure herself in some way.
I’ve got other stories, but I’ll leave it at that for now.
In short – oh god, hell, NO NO NO NO NO NO. But my heart goes out to the FB person.
I read a book about 19th-century English governesses that said families would often place an ad for one in which the governess would have to supervise/teach multiple children for room and board only.
This situation reminds me of that, but even more difficult. Another vote for no.
Just HOW much does a person need to deteriorate in order to get into a day program?!?!?!?!?
No way, unless of course she owns a big old mansion worth a million dollars that I can sweet talk or cajole into her signing over to me.
This is not even remotely fair. That’s way too much caregiving for the room and board, and no, you can’t telecommute while taking care of a moody Alzheimer’s patient. You can’t even really play solitaire.
I’d say that room and board for 20 hours a week would be much more fair. I don’t know who else is going to watch old Auntie for the rest of the time, though. Auntie probably will need assisted living.
This sound like a terrible idea for all involved, and I’m kind of horrified that such an arrangement would even be legal.
Yes, if the dementia is still pretty mild, this can be a decent solution. Two older ladies can help each other out, socialize and each draws their own social security check for other expenses. I’ve seen some interesting, touching friendships that started out with one slightly more spry older woman moving in with a more impaired older woman.
But a young person? No way. More advanced impairment? No way. If I came in as a visiting nurse in such a situation, we’d be having a talk about appropriate caregiving arrangements, and this would probably trigger a call to a social worker to investigate for potential abuse/neglect.
Long story short: A lot.
Day programs are generally one step above being placed in a nursing home.
The criteria as I remember it is quite involved. Not only does a doctor have to sign off on it, but you also have elder care social workers, perhaps a geriatric psychiatrist/psychologist, caseworkers, the medical personnel who run the program, the patient’s family…I may be forgetting someone else?
Our county’s elder service wouldn’t allow us to put my mother into a program until she literally could no longer do anything for herself and her medical needs were beginning to supersede any help we could give her.
Even if other things are somewhere between ideal and bearable, I can see this situation deteriorating into an argument about how much and what kind of food is provided. If a person is paid directly, they can buy whatever food they want; if they’re provided board, who decides what that means?
They say that Auntie can’t afford to pay $20/hr. That sounds like they’re not chipping in any money. So are they expecting Auntie to pay for “board”? Does Auntie know this? Will she expect chicken noodle soup and toast for every meal and expect her sitter to join her and not eat any more than she does?
Will relatives be dropping off frozen dinners and expecting that one frozen dinner equals one meal? Will they be crappy, cheap frozen dinners?
Will Auntie expect the sitter to take her shopping, or give the sitter a check to go shopping with, later accusing them of stealing money? Does Auntie have any idea that the ad has been posted on Cragslist?
If this is a family “looking for something”, the odds that they have the details figured out are small. If that’s the real ad, the fact that it says “confused with dimentia or alzheimers or something like that” is a big red flag. Auntie has not been diagnosed and is not getting proper care. Her dementia will get worse over time and she is not being monitored.
Run. If you look back, you are lost.
My sister acted as companion for an elderly lady for several summers during college. The lady was senile (they didn’t use the word dementia then), but enjoyed her summer home. My sister cooked, cleaned and drove for her, her was able to bathe and dress herself. She was a bit paranoid - she’d buy tons of postage stamps and hide them under the rugs, probably as some kind of Depression era idea that she could turn them into cash. My sister would take her for drives and every time she’d say, “Isn’t this pleasant. There’s just enough roll to the hills to make it interesting.” They would stop for lunch and every time she’d ask the waitress what chili was. Then she’d say, “Oh, that sounds good! I’ve never had that. I’ll try it!” Lisa was well-paid for the time (late '70’s), but was ready after the summer to go back to school.
StG
How many hours a day did she work, and how much did she get paid?
She was on full time, 2 half days off and evenings after the old lady went to bed (7:30ish) but they had a cleaning lady and gardener. In the late '70’s and she was making $500/wk at the end, maybe $100/wk to start. The lady was able-bodied, not in a wheelchair.
StG
The room and board while telecommuting would work for a certain type of care. My grandfather shouldn’t have lived alone when he got past 80,but he could dress, feed and take care of himself. He basically just needed someone around to make sure he didn’t leave the stove on or the water running because he was that kind of forgetful and more than once one of us came running downstairs because we smelled gas from the stove. But that’s not dementia or Alzheimer’s.
I forgot to mention - My sister got the job because our great aunt was the postmistress for the town and the woman’s trust got in touch with her to see if she could recommend someone. Mrs. L was 86 when my sister started working for her. She was 16 when she started working for the old lady and worked for her for 5 years. The old lady called every caregiver after that by my sister’s name.
StG
Another downside to this sort of “deal” is that it’s pretty much going to end abruptly, either when the patient dies or becomes too irrational for any home care. I would rather expect the family to be “Okay, pack your things and GTFO” as soon as that happens, and you are suddenly both unemployed and homeless. There’s also likely to be periods when the patient is in the hospital for days or weeks. What happens then?