My female cat strongly prefers me over my wife and daughter. She sits on my lap, and likes to be petted by me, but doesn’t like the same things with the rest of the family.
We initially thought it may be a gender issue (female cat is drawn to male human) but some googling showed that this doesn’t seem to be the case.
So, cat owners, what’s your experience with cats preferring one member of the family over others?
What are the causes and are there ways to change this? My daughter gets sad when the cat doesn’t like getting petted by her, and I’d like to change this if possible.
If I start ignoring the cat will she eventually learn to get her petting from someone else?
(FYI, we’ve had the cat four about four years now)
You’re going to have better luck teaching your daughter not to take the cat’s preferences personally than training the cat not to have preferences. And honestly, that’s a lesson everyone needs to learn about the wider world anyhow–you’re just not going to mesh with some folks, and that’s okay.
As for why your cat likes you better, lord only knows. Maybe you smell better to her. Maybe your normal body temp is a touch higher than your wife and daughter’s and she likes the extra warmth. Maybe the pitch of your voice resonates more pleasantly in her head. Maybe you’re quieter or move slower, or pet differently than them. Maybe they pursue her more than you do or put more conditions on interacting with her–cats like interaction to be predominantly on their terms. Maybe you’re just one of those people animals automatically take to and your wife and daughter aren’t. Maybe your personalities just mesh better.
I don’t think we’ve ever had a pet that didn’t prefer one person in the house over everyone else, even if they liked the rest of the family well enough. And that honestly seems reasonable enough to me–animals have personalities just like we do, and I certainly don’t like all people (or pets) in any given household equally.
I think the word ‘sad’ was a bit of an overstatement, she is just slightly peeved about it. The issue is that we got the cat for my daughter, and so it’s a bit disappointing that the pet we got for her isn’t connecting to her. In any case, I just wanted to get Dopers’ take on their experience with cats’ preferences.
That’s what I wanted to know, that is, that this is a common-enough occurrence.
The strange thing is that previous cats we had in the house were equally accepting of petting from everyone in the family. It’s this cat who is quite picky and will walk away from anyone petting her but me.
Most cats do seem to have a preference. I’ve had cats that have a strong preference, but the preference maybe changes with specific events/situations.
In my experience, neutered male cats are the most snuggly/cuddly and will accept petting from almost anyone, though while retaining preferences. But despite my having a lot of cats, that’s still a really small sample size!
Our neutered male will spend hours draped across the couch arm and whatever part of me he can reach, even without being petted. But if I get up, he’ll leave the couch entirely rather than move across and snuggle with DoctorJ. I mean, sometimes he’ll snuggle with him, but it’s pretty rare. And the notion of anyone but us touching him is right out.
Cat preferences do change sometimes. The cat we had when I grew up liked my brother best for years, but at some point switched and liked me more. She was always friendly with all of us, though.
No idea why she changed her preferences, so cat psychology remains a mystery.
My male cat becomes a lap cat only when it’s winter time. He basically attaches to me like a furry, heat-seeking parasite. But during the warm weather months, I only exist to feed him and clean out the cat box. I call his name and he won’t even look at me.
My female cat does her own cat thing throughout the day. But once I get in bed at night, she snuggles up next to me and hogs all the pillow.
Speaking as one whose wife accuses him of using his “magic hands” to steal her cat’s affection.
It may be that the cat like the way you pet her better than the way your daughter does. How old is your daughter? Cats don’t like coercion, so having your daughter forced on your cat is likely to be counter-productive. My advice for your daughter would be to pay close attention to what the cat likes and dislikes as far as petting, and let the cat lead. Sometimes just putting your fingers out in the area of your cat’s cheek and letting the cat rub against it on its own is the best way to go.
My male cat master will sit in any available lap, but if all laps are available he prefers in this order (1) my husband (2) anyone who’s reading, knitting, or otherwise has their lap involved in something not requiring a cat.
My female cat will occasionally jump into someone’s lap. But it is extremely rare for her to sit down in the lap. In 13 years she once napped on my hip while I was lying down and has sat in my lap about twice and my husband’s twice (once while he was eating dinner, and it was such a rare occurrence that he left her there).
It doesn’t seem to matter who’s feeding them. If they feel they need food, or their catbox cleaned, or let into a certain room, whoever’s available is just supposed to hop to.
My cat, imaginatively named Tabby, was my cat because she despised everyone in the world but me. She had extra special hatred for men, but didn’t like people in general. She slept on my bed every single night, and until she was very old I was the only person who had ever heard her purr. In her dotage she became more tolerant, and eventually came to love my sister as well. She also started allowing my mum to touch her. Still no men though, she hated men until the day she died. When I was little I used to try to make her like my poor papa. He would fall asleep in his chair and I would carry Tabby over and put her on his chest. Neither appreciated this, but papa certainly suffered more. She was a fierce thing, and it was an honour to be her chosen friend.
My parents adopted a new cat about a year ago. He’s a sweetie. Loves everyone, but adores my papa. He follows him like a dog and gazes up at him adoringly. I have a great picture of them sitting out in the garden together, two buddies, I’ll see if I can dig it up.
First, what kind of cat? Some cats tend to latch on to one or two people. Siamese, for example, seem to really attach to one or two people and dislike strangers.
We have a munchkin and he is totally my wifes. He will let me pet him and occasionally will snuggle up to me but the vast majority of the time he is following my wife around.
Cats can be bribed. Quite easily in fact. My two cats, which I had way before I met my wife, used to be all about me. However, once my wife started feeding them they became her best friends after a week or so. Now they go to whomever they think will give love or food.
Dumb cats tend to like everyone. We have Roadkill, a stray that we ended up adopting. He is a pretty cat, a huge black and white long hair. And Roadkill is dumb as dirt. Sweet, but dumb. The guess is that he wasn’t socialized very well when he was a kitten. The vet thinks he was about a year old when he showed up at our house looking like, well, Roadkill. The vet also thought he had been homeless for 6 to 8 months. In any case, Roadkill will plop on anyone. Or headbutt you into submission. Or lay on your chest until you can’t breath…
Some cats really do pick their people. I do 99% of the feeding and attention giving for our herd, but one female just adores my husband. She’ll tolerate me if he’s not home, but if he’s around she follows him like a dog, insists on being within touching distance if not actually on him, and, when he’s doing something that involves standing, will sit and gaze at him with what can only be described as bedroom eyes. She was my barn cat when we fist got her, then when we moved and I turned her and her brother into house cats she latched onto my husband.
I have a couple that prefer me over my husband, one in particular, and the rest are equal-opportunity cats.
Anyone who says that cats have no personality hasn’t been around them long enough!
Have your daughter be the one who feeds the cat and give it treats. If your daughter is very young (6 or younger) she may just be too high energy and clingy for the cat.
A lot of cats are put off by people approaching them too aggressively. They prefer people who don’t chase them around trying to pet them or pick them up. It could be counterproductive if your daughter takes the wrong approach in trying to bond with this cat.
One thing you can do is have your daughter sit down next to you while the cat is in your lap and pet the cat gently. She should approach slowly and quietly.
Has your daughter tried to play with the cat? It doesn’t take much - a piece of string or a wad of paper.
Our male cat prefers me (female) to either of my parents. He’ll only sit on my lap. However, much like **Jeff **says, I, unlike my mother, haven’t forced him to sit on my lap. I think he only sits on me because he knows he can leave when he pleases.
She was a fierce thing, and it was an honour to be her chosen friend.