I have never had a drama free relationship. I wouldn’t know what to do with one at this point in my life!
I’m perfectly fine with that long ago decision. I had a really healthy sex drive at the time, but after I decided I was taking myself out of the dating pool, it just wasn’t an issue for me anymore. It isn’t like I can’t handle it myself when the urge hits.
I have friends and family around I can go out and do things with, so it isn’t like I’m holed up in my house all the time bemoaning my lot in life. I no longer have to take meds for anxiety and depression, and despite being diagnosed with Type II diabetes 2 years ago, I’m actually more active, happier and healthier than I was 12 years ago. Sex just isn’t a big factor in my life, and hasn’t been for some time.
Longest period of time: nearly 10 years. I think avoided 10 years by about a couple of weeks. It would have been more like a few months max if I didn’t mind one-night stands, FWBs, etc., but I’ve never been that kind of guy.
Broke up with my ex-wife in 1999, spent a couple of years in social isolation to deal with it, then was too busy with school and work to worry about it for a few years. Had a serious girlfriend (engaged, the works) 5 years after the divorce, but she wanted to wait until marriage to consummate the relationship… and after her, took nearly 5 more years to end up in another relationship. That girl (thankfully) jumped me on our first official date, breaking the streak.
Same here, which is why my longest dry spell lasted about 9 years. I decided that I wouldn’t settle for less than a man who would love and respect me, and since a lot of men aren’t interested in a woman who won’t have sex by the third date I didn’t have many fourth dates.
Looking back, the hardest part wasn’t sexual frustration but the confusion and helpful hints from my friends (like getting drunk and “going for it”). Their efforts to convince me that pursuing casual sex with multiple partners was more mature and healthy than celibacy made me angry and sad. I finally had to draw a line in the sand and insist on a deal: if they stopped judging my mental health for going years without sex, I wouldn’t judge theirs for not being able to go a month without it.
Somewhere between three and four years after the end of my marriage. I made a conscious decision to not jump back into the dating pool until I had given myself time to get my head on straight and feel okay about myself. Then, as a single mom, I was very cautious about dating. Finally had a nice, friendly, affectionate and pressure-free relationship about four years after the divorce. The sex was awesome!
I do find it uncomfortable to hear people talk about going out and “getting some” when they are fresh from a break up, separation, or divorce. That seems quite unhealthy to me.
About 4 to 5 years, back in the mid-to-late 70s. Though I was out, I was somewhat conflicted, and chose to remove myself from intimacy with others until I got things sorted out . . . which I eventually did.
I’m at the 4 year mark with my wife and I don’t know if it will ever happen again. Too much baggage and bad history to try to overcome.
We still sleep in the same bed but just no hanky panky.
Any of you peeps ever go a long time?
I don’t even think about it anymore
