Character Assassination?

Great Debates
1

Ok - I was originally going to post this in the Pit and rant and rave about how pissed I was…but I slept on it and wondered what people thought about this issue (what happened to me) in a more general context.

I am in a middle-ish management position in an Internet firm. Naturally the age group skews toward the younger, and we’re a friendly group with lots of joking around. About 40 in the office - I directly manage 6 and am “third-in-command” at office itself.

Anyway, two days ago I get pulled into the office by the HR manager and a VP (who is not my direct boss, but does rank higher than me). They say that an anonymous complaint has been levelled against me that my joking borders on the harassing (sexually, I’m assuming) and that I need to be careful how I present myself.

All fair assumptions, esp. in this day and age. However, I do not touch female employees, I do not stare, I do not make lewd remarks or movements. Etc. I am very-well liked and respected here.

Enough of that - here’s the issue and my concern/worry:

This was an anonymous complaint. Therefore I am not told who is the complainer, nor what actions/words/etc. caused this complaint. Furthermore, this complaint ended up going to every single one of my superiors (we have another office too) both direct and indirect. I have no idea what is in this complaint, how it was worded to my superiors. I have no way to defend the situation, no way to represent these actions, no way to apologize to the person.

The point is that now I have to walk on thin ice w/ virtually every conversation and action I do in the office. I also have to consider that due to the gossip mill that is my office that this description of my character is now out. I am faced with being unable to correct my actions directly or specifically (other than a vague “don’t do whatever it was you were doing before”). I find this rather, I don’t know, unfair. The term “sexual harassment” carries incredibly negative weight, and I am both being painted with it as a part of my character, and being painted into a corner with how I am able to relate to people in the office now. In essence, I am now “guilty until proven innocent”.

Someone can walk into our HR dept., level a complaint that can impugn a person’s character, say they want to remain anonymous, and this gets passed on to all superiors in the company, and the person affected is not allowed to know what is being said about them.

NOTE: I also accept that I am at fault here. I did do something that caused someone to be offended. I take full responsibility for it, and am not upset at that person (except that I wish she had approached me privately first.

Anyway…the GD question is: is this the way most companies operate, is this “fair”, and what can an “accused” person do about it? Is this the right way to handle these situations given today’s climate?

If you think this belongs in the Pit or elsewhere, please move it. I tried to keep my true (really pissed) feelings out of it :smiley:

2

actually, there are some things you can do.
you state that you assume that it’s sexual harrasement vs. other kinds, so perhaps you tend to sexual innuendo kind of humor? this CAN get to be a problem. I assume you’re bright enough not to do the obvious idiocies of touching, commenting, asking for a date, bringing pictures in etc.

talk to your supervisors again. outlay your concern thusly:"
I know you need to protect the integrity of your investigation, but in order for me to change poor behavior, it is necessary for me to have SOME idea of which line I may have inadvertantly crossed. I have never intended to cause discomfort to another employee. I am not happy with the idea that I may have caused discomfort to another employee. was it a joke I may have told that was in questionable humor? was it a gesture?

In order for me to be an effective team member here, I must be able to communicate effectively with my co workers. For that to work, I need to be made aware of how I may have transgressed, to insure that it doesn’t happen again. Since I have never intended to cause discomfort, it should be obvious that whatever I said or did that DID cause discomfort was not percieved by me to be a problem. If it IS a problem, I need to be made aware of what specifically to do to change."

how’s that?

3

Well, being a white male in my late 40s surrounded by people young enough to be my children, here’s my experience.

Yes, it’s the way most companies operate.

No, it’s not fair to you, it is fair to a complainant who fears retribution for being the whistle-blower.

About the only thing you can do is request, in writing, details of incidents (without comprising the identity of the complainant) so you can at least see what this person finds offensive.

If you’re like most of us middle-aged middle-managers you started your career during the 70s, when the entire workplace atmosphere was different. I’m quite sure the young people you work with daily know, understand and appreciate your humor, and probably think you’re a hell of a guy to work for. If it’s any consolation, these problems normally arise from people who you don’t have regular contact with, and who take things out of context.

4

Good advice from wring. I would also go a step further and give a similar speech to those you work with. Perhaps the offended party will then approach you and spill the beans as to what you may have done.

Sexual harassment, as it is perceived today anyway, is often about how one is perceived to be acting, rather than how one intends or actually is acting. The very real consequence of this is that you may be completely innocent of any wrongdoing, yet disciplined on one person’s account of events which may never have happened at all, or have happened very differently than they have been portrayed. Lawsuit fearing companies roll over whenever the words “sexual harassment” are brought up.

5

wring: thanks, well-thought advice. I have expressed similar sentiments to the two people who talked to me, but haven’t directly asked to be more filled-in on exactly what it was.

kunilou: actually I’m early 30’s, so am close in age to a lot of the people here. The whole atmosphere is very open, w/ lots of “jokes” passed through email, parties (which I rarely attend), and generally a good time. But they do think I’m a helluva guy to work for/with :wink:

ptahlis: I am considering whether to talk to my group, but am leaning against it.

Anyway - does anyone want to debate the fairness of it? Or should this just die a quiet death? :smiley:

6

Short of saturating the office with video cameras so that any incident could be reviewed by an impartial jury, I’m not sure that you can get to “fair.” The many and varied ways that people with positions of power in an office can damage those with less power means that the anonymous complaint is almost the only recourse that a company has to guarantee that subordinates will bring up those issues.

This was true even in the days when the issue was more likely “basic fairness” rather than sexual harassment. I have seen the complaint process be abused in both directions. I know a manager who was given an unfit report one year on the grounds that he was browbeating his staff. The higher manager who laid the charge made the whole thing up out of normal employee grousing because that higher manager had a grudge going that year. On the other hand, I have seen an employee with a justified complaint driven out of a company by bad fitness reports and unachievable goals because the manager discovered who had lodged a complaint against him.

In the case of the former, the falsely charged manager called his staff together, apologized for any injuries he might have caused, asked them to approach him if they had a problem with his style in the future–assuring them that if they did not feel comfortable talking to him, going to his superior was the appropriate action, and asked if there were any general issues anyone had with him.
Since the whole staff knew that the charges were so much bullshit, no one took him up on his offer to complain about him. On the other hand, the staff walked out of the room with an understanding of what had really happened (and he had played it straight, making no mention of his boss’s antagonism).

The whole dynamic behind an office team requires trust. Any action that takes the form of a court-of-law opposition destroys that trust, regardless who was right.

A false accusation harms the accused.
An open accusation harms the accuser (when the “inevitable” retribution occurs). Since subordinates have less power than superiors, the rules are tilted to favor the accuser. I wish there was a way to guarantee fairness for all parties, but I have not figured out what that would be.

7

another word (I teach this sort of stuff to my clients)
communication only works if the message that I send out is the same as the one you recieve.

sounds simple, but…
while you have COMPLETE control over what you say and HOW you say it, you have ZERO control over how it’s recieved.

easiest example I have - a client of mine when she hung out with her girlfriends, they’d call each other “Bitch”, almost as a term of endearment, “hey bitch, get me a pepsi”. fine and dandy, since her social circle this was a generally accepted term. she got sent to prison, and, to try and make friends, she’d say stuff like 'Hey bitch, get me a…" and she’d get beat up, alot.

So, the easiest thing that MAY have happened is you may have said something that sparked a reaction in some one (because the person before you who said that did such and such) or made some gesture that meant something else (very common by the way when you’re talking about different cultures), and they took it in a way you didn’t intend.

I understand completely why you’d feel slandered, but the best idea here is to focus on what to do from here on. Do you want to continue to work there? if so, then, proceed accordingly. I’ve had a variety of negative experiences at my work place and decided on most of it to go beyond my anger at the moment, cause I really wanted to stay working here.

It may seem odd , but try not to take the thing personally. It may be a stray remark, or a new person who doesn’t know your sense of humor yet or whatever. I DO recommend making some pitch to the powers that be to give you SOME direction of “what is it that I should change” and I really like the tactic of using “work productivity” issues in the discussion (instead of saying I’ll be happier here or whatever, I’ll be a more effective employee…) good luck.

just because I’m saying all this DOESN’"T mean that I think you were a jerk in all this, by the way… stuff happens, misunderstandings happen all the time.

8

Hmm. Fairness? “You have been accused of acting improperly (the nature of which we will not divulge), at some time (which shall remain unspoken), toward a person or persons (unspecified). Now, clean up your act!” Is there even a remote posssibility of this being fair to you?

Seems to me that if they received an “anonymous” complaint that they should have to tell you what it is you did if they fill any report out whatsoever. I could write out an anonymous complaint that you had improper relations with my chicken sandwich for crying out loud.

9

Chicken lie!

10

Was your chicken sandwich, um, funny-tasting by any chance? Then ya caught me…

Anyway…I’m on vacation starting tomorrow. I’m not angry at the person who felt offended, since her feelings are valid. I’m just angry at the way these things, given the current climate, are handled.

11

complain about it?:slight_smile: