Characters who should have awards named after them (spoilers likely)

Cafe Society
21

[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer]
You forgot “Flagrant Acts of Betraying Young Girls Who Worship the Ground You Walk on By Raping Them and Then Having Your Author Explain That Away BY Saying You Were Overwhelmed by Being Suddenly Healed of Leprosy Even Though We All Know That’s Utter Bullshit and in Fact You Need to Have Your Penis Cut off with a Rusty Spoon and Fed to You Raw.”
[/QUOTE]

snerk Yes, thank you. That was when I wallbanged that book.

Of course, the Covenant award could also be for the “Coolest name backed up by the worst character.”

22

The Lecter Award – for fascinating and/or mysterious supporting characters who become so popular with audiences that they are made into the lead character, after which they immediately lose all of their mystery and appeal.

23

[QUOTE=Malacandra]
Have all your nerve endings killed off by Hansen’s disease and then wake up in an impossible world you can’t believe in on pain of dying horribly, and then have your nerves miraculously healed, before you cast the first stone. Good for you if you always behave impeccably in your dreams.
[/quote]

Of course I don’t behave impeccably in my dreams. I’m all evil and stuff.

I wasn’t trying to piss on your post, amigo; I would never so such to a fellow Lewis fan. Anywhistle, if I did so, I apologize and will gladly bring you pie in penance.

( still say Aslan would have turned Covenant into a weasel or something.

24

The Scarlett O’Hara Award (presented annually at the ‘Haries’) given to the character which consistently behaves in the most selfish, narrow-minded and childish fashion, only to be unreasonably admired by generations of impressionable young girls, and ladies who woefully lack life experience.

:smiley:

25

[QUOTE=Ellen Cherry]
The Scarlett O’Hara Award (presented annually at the ‘Haries’) given to the character which consistently behaves in the most selfish, narrow-minded and childish fashion, only to be unreasonably admired by generations of impressionable young girls, and ladies who woefully lack life experience.

:smiley:
[/QUOTE]

Hmm… is Meredith Grey eligible for this one yet?

26

[QUOTE=NoClueBoy]
And then there’s the Shatner. Whether he’s a pre-bolshevik pacifist, a terrorised airline passenger, a starship captain, a cop, a sleazy lawyer, or a commercial spokesperson, he still plays it almost exactly the same way.

Now THAT’S acting!
[/QUOTE]

I thought that was called the Connery.

27

How about the “DarthJawsBarossaZilla” Award. A villian who becomes a popular character is brought back in a sequel good guy (or at least an ally).

28

Along the lines of the Bugs Award, there should also be one called the Coyote Award for Failure To Acknowledge Defeat.

29

The Urkel- for supporting characters who become one-joke annoying as all hell but for some reason fantastically popular lead characters (runner-ups for the award receive a Fonzie Award)

The Marlena Award, named for Marlena Evans of Days of Our Lives fame- her character has been presumed dead 19 times, discovered children she somehow didn’t know she had, and posessed by Satan and other oddities, so the Marlena is given to characters with the most insane and absurd plot twists not featured on a sitcom.

The Sugarbaker Awards- for driven and extremely successful self-employed businesswomen… who strangely never seem to actually do any work and don’t even have a workspace conducive to doing so.

The Will Truman Award- for outstanding achievement in the field of ‘gays as asexual and effete neurotic overly cultivated fashion accessories to straight women’

The Grady Award- actually the only complimentary award so far (of the ones I’ve given) and the opposite of the Urkel- it’s for the weird supporting character who does work for the betterment of the show when his role is increased. Women, of course, receive The Esther.

The Cliff & Claire Huxtable Awards- applies to many sitcoms and not wholly unrelated to the Sugarbakers, it’s the award for characters who balance demanding professional careers and families without ever being cranky, uncoiffed, casually dressed, or just not up for an evening of teaching a kid a lesson by stripping their rooms to the bare walls or rehearsing elaborate lip synching numbers. (I believe somebody here used the term “time pornography” once for this phenomena in TV series.)

The Klinger Award- for a character who finally loses the no longer funny gimmick (such as Klinger’s dressing in drag) to the betterment of the series.

The Sophia Patrillo Award- for most amazingly (and annoyingly) pop-culturally hip and sexually obsessed to the point of the ridiculous senior citizenry.

The Monica Award- from FRIENDS- the award for the best budgeting by a working class character- one who can make a middle-class income afford a 5000 square foot apartment overlooking Central Park. (Yeah yeah yeah, I know, grandmother and rent control and episode mentioned it, all that- you can call it the Sonny Crockett Award if you wish.)

The Mrs. C Award- named for Marion Ross’s character on HAPPY DAYS, it’s given to talented actors or actresses whose role is paper thin and does not challenge them in the least, but who are smart enough to stay with the series to milk the money and go on to do rewarding work later.

The Chachi- character award for teen characters who are most hyped to the point of marketing burnout to make them a heartthrob.

The Cliff Claven- (also a compliment)- for the characters who beneath a superficially annoying and weird exterior house a bedrock of annoying and near demented inner being.

The [Any Character from Seinfeld] Award for characters so self-consumed and whining that you really don’t see the ice caps melting and submerging Manhattan as a totally bad thing.

The Archie & Edith Award- for best and most sentimental and believable romantic, famliar, and even sexual chemistry between unattractive people.

The Stivic- for characters most hypocritical to their ideals.

The Dylan Awards- in honor of Luke Perry- for actors who have the most age difference between themselves and their characters.

The Lucille Bluth- award for the most vile, obnoxious, and absolutely hysterical substance abuser on TV.

The Warren Award- after Mayberry’s post-Barney replacement deputy- an award for the most poorly conceived and lackluster replacement to a popular character.

30

The “Archie Bunker” for bigoted, angry characters who become wise, caring father figures.

The “Fonzie” for small-time semi-hoodlums who become wise, caring best friends.

The “Mary Ann/Bailey Quarters” for supporting cast members that turn out to be much hotter than the alleged bombshell in the cast.

On the other hand, there’s the “Beaver Cleaver” for 7-year old adorable child actors who are considerably less adorable when they’re 12 and see all the better episodes going to their older brother.

31

[QUOTE=kunilou]
On the other hand, there’s the “Beaver Cleaver” for 7-year old adorable child actors who are considerably less adorable when they’re 12 and see all the better episodes going to their older brother.
[/QUOTE]

And the Olivia Awards for the characters brought into handle this problem.

The Brian Kinney Awards for characters who are supposedly unbearably sexy, but to you they’re just kinda moderately attractive.

32

The Junior Award- named after the kid from Problem Child- for kids or adults who are supposed to be colorful or mischievous or comically selfish but who in fact are pathological and will probably grow up to resemble Rob Lowe’s character in Bad Influence.

The Shawn Award- from Boy Meets World- for characters whose backstories change and or characters who go from stupid to intelligent but directionless as the sitcom takes on a more serious tone. Basically a misfire of the Wesley Award.

33

The Jack Tripper Award - for preposterous mis-understandings you can set your watch by, they’re so dependable.

The Johnny Fever Award - for being a complete degenerate who somehow manages to hold down a job.

The Reverend Jim Award - for being a complete nutjob who manages to hold down a job and not frighten people (much).

The Dan Fielding Award - for having no redeeming qualities at all, and doing it with such style.

34

The Boba - Awarded to the character who goes from insignificant extra to the central plot point of an entire film, all because he had a cool costume.

35

The Punky Brewster Award goes to the most nauseatingly cute character of the year.

Recipients include Small Wonder, Webster, Rudy Huxstable and the entire cast of KIDS, Inc.

The Rowdy Award goes to the best portrayal of a dead animal.

36

[QUOTE=Skald the Rhymer]
I wasn’t trying to piss on your post, amigo; I would never so such to a fellow Lewis fan. Anywhistle, if I did so, I apologize and will gladly bring you pie in penance.

( still say Aslan would have turned Covenant into a weasel or something.
[/QUOTE]

Mmf, I came into this thread to say I was out of order. We can discuss Covenant more seriously another time - I shouldn’t have blown up like that.

Covenant paid dearly for what he did to Lena. And part of the interest of the remaining story is how his various attempts to make amends went hideously wrong - but he paid for all that too. Castration with a rusty spoon or mustelidanthropy alike would have made this insuperably difficult.

37

[QUOTE=NoClueBoy]
And then there’s the Shatner. Whether he’s a pre-bolshevik pacifist, a terrorised airline passenger, a starship captain, a cop, a sleazy lawyer, or a commercial spokesperson, he still plays it almost exactly the same way.

Now THAT’S acting!
[/QUOTE]

Give Steve Buscemi that award. He’s played a small-time ex-convict in Fargo, a gangster in Resevoir Dogs, and a major international criminal in some movie whose name I can’t remember now, and they’re all pretty much the same guy.