As I sit here in one of my more depressed moods, I think back to my cheating Ex-Girlfriend, let’s call her “Jane”. Now Jane was a really important girl to me, and she knew it then one christamas BAM she cheats on me. Ok fine, life goes on right? My question is how the hell do people who do such horribile things to other people live with themselves? How can you think you are a decent person (as most people do) after something like that, even worse when you add on the fact there is no remorse?
Cheaters step foward, let your voices be heard you slimy SOB’s
:o
Through the wonderful world of self justification. She may rationalize the whole thing by saying to herself:
“Well, that guy was a prick anyway and he got what he deserved.”
I am not a cheater (ianac) but I am sure some people simply are not manogamous by nature. If such a person ends up in a relationship where their polygamous trait is suppressed they are I believe likely to cheat. While in a more open relationship, they may be able to remain faithful to one partner, whilst having ocasional sex with others. I would not expect someone to show the remorse you might hope for, but more likely say something like “I am sorry you feel hurt by this, but you should get over yourself, it was only sex and it isn’t like I care for him/her.”.
Never cheated and would like to think I never would. However I’m no saint.
I have been cheated on however, and yes, it is one of the most terrible feelings in the world.
She claimed that passion just took over and that she lost control.
IANAC (never have and never will) but just wanted to point out that just because one person feels the relationship is going all hunky-dory that doesn’t mean that it’s the truth. Did she have issues that she failed to communicate with you, or did she feel like you didn’t understand her?
There’s as many reasons for cheating as there are cheaters, I would imagine. In many cases it may be a clear cut case of lust, in others there may be many more complex currents that lead the cheater to believe that what they are doing is ‘right’.
How can you be sure there’s no remorse?
Just because she didn’t come crawling on her knees, begging you to take her back doesn’t mean she doesn’t feel bad about what she did. Maybe she feels so bad about what happened that she couldn’t even imagine continuing a relationship with you, even if you said you forgave her. She could even be covering up how bad she feels by behaving as though you never meant anything to her. Maybe she’s even convinced herself that this is true–that’s a lot easier than feeling her gut twisting up with shame every time she thinks about you.
I know it’s incredibly naive, but I tend to think people are mostly decent, but we all fuck up, and some of us are better at dealing with it than others.
While I didn’t cheat on my then-GF, I was in the position to. We had started dating my senior year in HS (she was a junior) and we carried the relationship on while I was at college. One night after some partying, a girl who was interested in me invited me back to her room. It was a shared room and her roommate was getting it on so she wanted to even things out in the room. :rolleyes: Even though I told her about my GF back home she didn’t care. I only went as far as kissing her, no clothing was ever removed (although it easily could’ve).
So in this instance a combination of alcohol, youth, hormones, and the long-distance of the current GF could’ve set up a cheating incident.
I also, was in a position to cheat, and wish I had. The GF was on the other side of the country at the time and ended up dumping me for some guy out there a month later (doubt she did anything with him before dumping me, at least I can respect her for that).
Broke my heart. Bah. At least she ended up marrying the guy.
I’m not sure what I was doing with the commas in that sentence.
“My question is how the hell do people who do such horribile things to other people live with themselves? How can you think you are a decent person (as most people do) after something like that, even worse when you add on the fact there is no remorse?”
Oh, ho ho…this subject happens to really hit home for me right now.
I recently found out my (soon-to-be-ex) boyfriend of just over a year was planning on going out of town and hooking up with an old flame. And I don’t doubt for a second that he’s had other opportunities as well, and more than likely took advantage of them.
He’s just a smarmy, selfish, deceptive jerk that doesn’t feel remorse for his actions; I’m sure his thought process is along the lines of “what they don’t know won’t hurt them”. But someone always finds out, and the hurt is always felt. And because he’s an accomplished person (his certificates and such are all around the apartment), he therefore sees himself as being decent and can do no wrong.
Myself on the other hand, I’ve had several opportunities to cheat during this relationship, but have turned them all down out of respect. That’s just how I am.
I’d like to think that was true, in a way, but it isn’t. I’ve only ever cheated once - and I’m not proud of that at all. In fact, I’d always thought (and said) I could never do that kind of thing despite the very occasional opportunity arising.
It happened when I was away on business with a colleague I was very close to. A drunken night out with a group of workmates led to us ending up in her room as I tried to help her with her contact lenses. One thing literally led to another and although I’m ashamed to say it, a good time was had by all.
We didn’t mention it again and certainly not to our respective partners. I felt very guilty about it for a long time though.
Karma being what it is, my gf of the time, later my wife, began cheating on me with another woman (this was about 3 years later). I have to say though, that what hurt was not the cheating but the fact she made it obvious and had obviously stopped loving me - her coldness was in contrast to everything we’d shared before.
Anyway, I just wanted to put right the myth about people always finding out and getting hurt. I do believe it is wrong to cheat but the only one who actually needs to get hurt is the cheater (if they have a conscience, anyway).