After reading this posted by a rather newer member to the boards, and due to an only too recent experience of mine- I started thinking…

tboy63 has cheated on his girlfriend of 4 and a half years, feels terrible about it and wanted to know about other people who had cheated on their SO’s. I think it’s universal that we all agree, cheating is very very bad. It only causes hurt, but due to temptation ect. it still happens. For rightful reasons, we all tend to sympathize with the one who got betrayed. But what about the cheat-or?
I’m sure there have been various instances of cheating, turning out both ways. But I’m curious as to what they were, and from the cheat-or’s Point of View:

Why did you do it?
How did the situtation turn out?
What were your thoughts on cheating before and after the act?


Can you sympathize with others who have done so but regrett it?

As with most things in life, experiences vary. Not every cheater is a womanizer and not every cheatee is an innocent, doting partner who is being taken advantage of.

I have been the cheater once. I was much younger, and much more foolish than I am today. My SO and I were not on great terms - it was a high school sweetheart turned LTR; big city girl left behind small town boy syndrome - and there was a lot of port involved.

Why did you do it?
A little spite, frustration, and anger over the uncontrollable situation with my SO.

How did the situation turn out?
Horribly. When I woke up the next morning I was physically nauseus. The feeling remained until I confessed about a year later, when she was trying to decide whether to stay with me or this newer fella she met. She was no saint, mind you, but she was honest with me about what went on in the “big city.” FTR, she ended up marrying that newer fella.

What were your thoughts on cheating before and after the act?
I think I’ve already addressed this, but beforehand I was confused and angry about my failing relationship. Afterwards, I was tormented with guilt.

Can you sympathize with others who have done so but regrett it? (sic)
No. Anyone who betrays the trust and love of another person does not deserve sympathy. It’s supposed to hurt; that’s why it’s a “lesson learned.” It’s hard enough to find someone in this world and I don’t feel the slightest bit sorry for someone who doesn’t appreciate what they have.

As a result of this experience I now do not even glance at another woman while I’m involved. The mere thought of going through that heartache again is enough to bring that nausea back in an instant.

Just one man’s story.

When everyone hears about someone in a relationship cheating, their immediate conclusion is generally that they guy was the one cheating. I have to admit that this is not always true. I cheated on my boyfriend at the beginning of summer. Things weren’t exactly working out, and I was with a guy friend that I had had a crush on all semester. We were snuggling and he told me he wanted to kiss me. I thought about it for a minute, and realized that a kiss wouldn’t even be all that much farther than what were doing. We made out for awhile, and I admit, it felt good. I tried to push my boyfriend to the back of my mind and concentrate on the guy I was with. I didn’t sleep with him or anything, but this IS high school, so a kiss does count as cheating. I actually contemplated not telling my boyfriend, but after a few days realized that I had to. I told him, and he was all ready to forgive me, but I realized that it would be something between us forever, and I didn’t think that would work. So I broke up with him.
I still feel guilty. And as for how it turned out, well, I wrote a thread in the pit about the guy I cheated with. Read it, and you will all know what a big mistake I made…

Oooooh Boy…

Alright. Like ** monica** said, its not always the guy.

Prepare yourselves people, for I am the “cheating whore”.
I have cheated on people 5 times in my life.

::hangs head::

First time was on my first boyfriend. He never kissed me, hugged me or did anything with me. We just hung out all the time. I had a crush on his friend and made out with him on my boyfriends bed. We got caught and I was dumped. He took me back though. I ended up dumping him later because I felt physical contact was a must for me in a relationship.

Second time was on a boy I actually truly loved. But I figured the relationship was going nowhere. I had oral sex with my X, told new boyfriend and he dumped me on the spot. I felt horrible. But obviously I didn’t learn my lesson, because I would do it again.


The 3rd,4th, and 5th time have been with my present boyfriend. The 3rd I slept with some guy I met. He’s 15 years older than my boyfriend. Why I did it? Stupidity and lots of alcohol and a trip to the strip club. I cried on the drive home. My boyfriend forgave me and understood that I really didn’t want anything with that man.
The 4th time was on my last b-day. I kissed one of my friends.(she’s a girl). He understood again, and said it wasn’t a big deal.
The very last time was about 5 months ago. I slept with my bestfriend. (She’s a girl too). This resulted in me avoiding her a great deal. I locked myself in the bathroom for hours and cried. My b/f forgave me again but he was more hurt because I didn’t ask him to join.

So there you have it. I have now controlled my urges to jump in the sack with people I’m attracted to. I love my honey dearly and I’ve hurt him a great deal. I’m also so freaking lucky that I still have him. (he’s not so innocent either, because I learned a month ago that he has cheated on me in the past) We’ve talked, and decided that if either of us strays again, we are not required to stay together. I don’t sympathize with cheaters. I know its hard sometimes,but damn if you wanna screw around, breakup with the other person so they won’t get hurt so much.

It happens. All the time. Right now. You’d be hard pressed to find many who have never cheated… at least a kiss. There may be many more who won’t own up to it. With a divorce rate so high, (cheating being a big chunk, I’m sure) it’s part of life. Imagine how many are only still married due to either forgiveness or lack of knowledge (i.e. boss w/secretary on lunch-boss’s wife no clue).

S. happens.

Where to go from here:
Don’t know about you, but I’m going to invest in latex and play around town.

I just met a twenty-something lady who told me if she was holding hands with a guy that that was cheating on her BF…
So, no, we didn’t hold hands. I wondered if holding her wrist instead counted.

Anyway, my point is that Cheating needs a definition as it seems to vary from person to person.