dook…<shakes head>first the teeth thing, now this. These are the signs of a truly filthy mind. I feel right at home. I am a newbie, after all, but I might have to make a trip to the laminated doper thread just for you and BratMan.
<nudge,nudge,wink,wink>
That’s semi-wonderful and quasi-ambiguous news, Chrisbar.
The good news is that Tallahassee can now have an official doper function.
The bad news is that my crime fighting costume is at the cleaners and to attend would mean that I’d have to reveal my secret identity.
Bring Athena and it’s a deal.
Uh, Matt. I think you misunderstood my motivation. I have no reason to doubt that you’ve got talent that goes far beyond the proper handling of the “newbie’s boobies”. It was my humble way of allowing you to persue your stated mission of keeping the SDMB and the newbies safe from one another. The young boobies are just a “perk”.
The more mature women that are (wishing that they were) more accustomed to a slower and more deliberate hand is where I’m most qualified to help. In fact, my hands are so slow that my girlfriend from 1988 has barely recovered.
SouthernStyle
Filthy? THAT’s filthy?
This is not looking good. ::puts a big red checkmark on his little peice of paper and writes “tame”::
Don’t think I could take you up on that, Style.
I’m much better at shameless flirting in text than IRL. My husband might object, too. 
Besides, I’m not sure Athena would be willing to come all the way over here. It’s just too expensive to fly to our rinkydink “airport”.
Chrisbar
::puts a big red checkmark on his little peice of paper and writes “tame”::*
GRRRRR. Damned smileys.
Excellent! Count me in!
I smell a dare. You are trying to draw me out…trying to coax me into saying something truly naughty. Can’t we just say that I am perfectly capable of matching you, filth for filth? Isn’t the mystery the slightest bit alluring? I mean, sure, we could get into the intricacies…
Don’t write me off as tame…maybe just…I don’t know…shy?
struuter
Dook said:
Then you’re my guy. Sorry I’m late, but I’ve been cleaning all day and really need to clean my self now… anybody want to help?
Come 'ere you ::smiling playfully::
Ha! Rinkydink airports scare me not… in fact, I’m flying into one next Friday.
However, the south DOES scare me. I’m a northern girl. You southerners will have to do without me to bless your sorry southern asses. Now where’d that oil go? And where did all these hot pink feathers come from?
I have been told (in another thread) that Ultress needs a check up. Looks like I’m just the doper to do it. Skeedaddle on over here and let’s get down to business.
BTW dook, where in texas are you?? 
At your service ma’am. You need to clean yourself, you say? Would you prefer a sponge bath or a tongue bath?
Oh I wasn’t writing you off, dearie… Just thinking you might benefit from a little lesson on filth.
I’m sure we could teach each other a thing or two. 
-dook
Dear God, this has really degenerated from a scientific medical venture into a sleaze fest! The hormones have just run amok in here!
I love this place!
I am (stationed) in San Antonio. For 156 more days. Then I go back home to Missouri, where I am wanted and loved by all the most desperate of ladies.
-dook
Oooo, choices! joy! I think a little of both would be best seeing how some areas require different treatment than others.
Sorry Southern Asses?
Damn did this deteriorate a long way quickly! Bratman offers to help the newbies, when I find that he’s swamped I offer to sacrifice my time and donate my talents to alleviate the backlog (Careful dook). Through no fault of my own I have to do some work. (Hey – they pay me. I guess it’s their right to make such demands from time to time.) When I return Brat’s let things go all to hell and by the time we get things ALMOST turned around I get insulted by one of the sweetest, kindest, sexiest creatures that was ever put on this earth. You’d think that I tried to stick my tongue down the Queen’s throat or something. It was all innocent. Honest. She said that she had some peanut butter stuck to the roof of her mouth and that it had a strange taste. I was just… oh never mind.
It’s OK Chris. My wife knows me too well, too. I just wish that I could convert her into a doper. (Maybe we need a new term?)
Now where did I leave those velvet straps???
SouthernStyle
Are you shittin me dook?
I was stationed at Brooks AFB and am from (and currently live in) St Louis.
<peeks in through the doorway>
Oh my…
You just keep that log away from my back. I -saw- deliverance.