cheer me up?

[kellibelli]

I am really down today.

I know I should focus on the ‘bright side’ but I just feel like bawling! I am stuck at work, knowing I have 4 more weeks left here till the lay off starts, and I cant stand it! I love it here. I love my co-workers, I love my phone, my desk, my business cards…

I can hardly bear it.

I have nothing to do, because they are ‘phasing me out’ so I sit here…

I called the govt re my benefits, and none of it is good news. It will probably be 6 weeks before I get a cent from them.

I called the family court support officer assigned to my case, and she said it will be another 6 months to a year before they can get money from shitboy.

My unemployment benefits will be 55 % of what I make now. Fuck.
I can manage, but just barely.

Its not even the money, (although I love money!!) … its this place. This is the first place I have ever worked where I felt like I belonged…
These people Aare WAY more fucked up than I am! I love that!
I usually end up in trouble at other jobs because I have ‘too much personality’ …NOT HERE! these people are nuts!

I am going to miss them enormously.

So c’mon guys, cheer me up…
Got any stupid jokes?
Or funny stories?
Can we find Homer and feed him shrooms???

[Odieman]

Nope, don’t know any jokes, but I could dance for you, that should bring a smile to your face. Just make sure you get me to the hospital afterwards

::Odieman starts dancing for Kelli::
::Odieman trips on his shoes, knocks over a table lamp, bounces off the walls, accidentally knocks Kelli off her chair, falls into the soup and ends up on the floor::

Medic!!!

I hope you appreciated that Kelli

Odieman drags himself off the floor, gives Kelli a great big smooch and says “Cheer up Kells”

Keith

[xizor]

I have nothing to offer, except the candy in my desk drawer, and you’re welcome to any of it (the chocolate is already gone though).

[kellibelli]

Odie, you are too good to me! I got a good chuckle out of that - I pictured you like an elf
I might just eat that candy of yours xizor!!

[andygirl]

Just 'cause you’re you, Kelli…

<andy dons a top hat and suavely twirls a cane>

Mimimimi…

<song and dance>

Hello my baby
Hello my darlin’
Hello my good time gal
Send me a kiss by wire
Baby, my heart’s on fire
If you refuse me, honey,
you’ll lose me

<a long cane extends from off stage>
<snags andy about the neck>

Gak!

<andy, undaunted, tries to press on>

…then you’ll… be… all alone…

<sounds of great violence and mayhem>

<andy staggers in from the wings>
<hands kelli a pretty flower>

I’ll just… be over…

<andy passes out>

[Dignan]

Man walks into a bar, ouch.

Ok so that wasn’t so great, here is a site that will surely annoy your co-workers (just in case you didn’t see the thread I started) www.dancingjesus.com

[Demo]

: Demo comes in to help odie up and slips in the soup, knocking the both of us down the stairs and into the pack of wild pitbulls at the bottom. I try to pull odie away, but the pitbulls have a hold on his pants, which rip off as I drag him away, crashing through the front door and into a huge mud puddle in the front yard. An ambulance the size of a Yugo pulls up and 10 clowns jump out, running around the yard with a litter, which they proceed to put down and put odie’s pants on it, running around cackling the whole time. :
Kells, don’t they have any other jobs you could do there? A lot of places will laterally transfer people in situations like this. Either way, good luck, hang in there.

[lurkernomore]

{{{Kelli}}}

Good luck with the auction. BTW, just posted a (possibly apocryphal} story under golf club you may find humorous…

[Ogre]

Two of my favorite jokes:

A baby polar bear and his father are walking out across the icy, frozen tundra one bitter day. The little guy stops on the ice.
“Daddy, am I a polar bear?”
The big polar bear snorts, “Of course you’re a polar bear, son!”
“OK.”
A little while later, the baby stops again, and says, “Daddy, are you sure I’m a polar bear?”
“Of course you’re a polar bear, son! Your mother is a polar bear, and I’m a polar bear, and that means that you are a polar bear.”
“OK.”
A few minutes later, the baby gets a really confused look on his face, stops, and asks, “Daddy, are you absolutely sure that I’m a polar bear?”
Daddy polar bear is exasperated by this time.
“Of course you’re a polar bear! Look at you! Look at me! You’re 100% pure polar bear! Why do you keep asking me if you’re a polar bear?”
The little polar bear replies, “Because I’m fuckin’ freeeeeezing!”

aaaaaand…
George the vampire bat flew into the community cave one morning, his face completely covered with blood. The rest of the bats had no luck the night before, so they were whipped into a frenzy by the sight and smell of the blood. George tried to settle down to get some sleep, but the other bats hounded him mercilessly.
“George! George! Where’d ya get the blood, George! We’re hungry, George! C’mon! Show us where you got it!” Their little tongues lolled out with anticipation.
“Go away,” George replied, “I’m tired. I need to sleep!”
“No sleeping, George!,” they panted, “We’re SO hungry! We haven’t eaten, George! Show us where you got the blood, George!”
George tried to wrap his wings around his head.
“Go away, dammit! I’m tired! Go find your own blood!”
The bats would not be denied.
“George! Show us, George! Show us! We’re hungry, George!”
In a huff, George dropped off his perch, and addressed the rest of the bats.
“OK, dammit. Since I’m obviously not going to get any sleep until I show you, I’ll lead you to where I got the blood. Follow me.”
George took off out of the cave, with all the bats hungrily following him. They flew down the valley, over the river, just over the treetops. They flew for a long time. Finally, George started circling one spot over the forest.
“Do you see that big oak tree down there?”
“Yeah yeah!,” all the other bats panted hungrily.
“Good, because I sure as hell didn’t.”

Thank you! Thank you!

kellibelli, I hope you get a smile, or maybe even a giggle out of them. I hope you feel better.

[Ogre]

A plea for help, some slapstick, and two of my best jokes, and absolutely no response? C’mon, SDMB’ers, don’t leave kellibelli in the lurch!

[Simetra]

What’s the difference between a tiger and a well dressed man?

A well dressed man wears a three-piece suit and a tiger… well, just pants…

Well I thought it was hilarious. Cheer up KelliBelli!

[kellibelli]

Thanks guys

The dance routines, the jokes! I loved it!

And as evening fades into night, I think I will retire to a hut tub of bubbles with a mug of laced hot chocolate, and escape to Hogwarts School for wizards, where I will rejoin my dear friends in their adventures…

G’night!