Chilblains? Seriously, _Chilblains_!?

Yeah, I’m aware that the main ingredient was alcohol. That’s why I said arsenic was the “active” ingredient, and not the main one. Most of them were 95% alcohol-- and 3% some kind of syrup for flavor. The other 2% was whatever was actually supposed to help you.

Of course, modern pills have a lot of binders, sugars (to stimulate digestion, apparently), coatings, dyes (there are good reasons for making the 10mg pill a different color from the 5mg) and preservatives, so the actual medicine is probably just a small part of the pill as well.

I wonder if patent medicine makers started using alcohol for it’s antiseptic qualities and ability to dissolve things that won’t break down in water, and then discovered that people would buy the product for the alcohol alone, or if they were cynically distributing liquor from the very beginning.

I have an uncle who accuses people of having “ferro-plumbism.” All the iron in their bodies turned to lead in their butts.

Isn’t that a symptom of cranio-rectal inversion?

I get recurrences of the Elder Plague.

Causing Plumber’s Butt?

I’m suffering from a case of the Woofits, and alcohol is the cause and cure.

Bunions!

I’ve got consumption ***and ***TB! I’ve got every 19th-century disease!

(probably misquoting Jeremy Clarkson)

At least you don’t have bowel moths, or “ladies’ complaints”.