The Doctor is IN.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Let’s see how far this one goes. Here’s the premise: You supply the symptoms, the next poster provides the diagnosis (a la Euty’s answer and question threads…)

Example:

Symptoms:

  1. I can’t get out of bed in the morning.

  2. I can’t breathe.

  3. I feel numb all over.

Diagnosis:

You are dead.

Got it? Let’s begin…

Symtoms:

  1. My hand hurts.

  2. I drink two bottles of wine a day.

  3. Erectile Dysfunction.

Remember, these are hypothetical conditions.

Disclaimer: No advice given here is implied to be worth a shit.

2

You are an alcoholic that likes to fist goats because you cant get it up? Or maybe its just a cramp from grasping the felching straw too tightly.

3

You must now provide the symptoms for the next poster (at least 3, Hi Opal!)… or if you want me to provide them for you, I will:

  1. I don’t get it.

  2. My English not so good.

  3. I’m a jerk.

4

Look at your OP, you said nothing about providing symptoms after providing the diagnosis. BTW I am not a jerk, just trying to be funny. Next time I will provide a new set of symptoms now that I am informed that I need to do so.

And my grasp of the english language is quite good. I saw no errors. Anyhoo, I have to get to sleep.
Symptoms:

I have a short attention span

I procrastinate to the extreme

I am easily bored and seek out knowledge and activitys that stimulate my mind.

5

Diagnosis for you : ADHD, are you taking your Ritalin?

So we begin again:

Symptoms:

  1. Runny nose

  2. Constant headache

  3. My hand STILL hurts!

6

Close, ADD, no hyper-activity. I did take ritalin, but it did nothing for ne, even at 30 mg 4 times a day (when I was 12)

7

Post your symptoms for the next poster! Damn, you are ADD!

8

Diagnosis: You have a cold and you’ve been spanking fnord.
Some Comtrex will clear up (1) and (2), and for symptom (3), try using a paddle. :slight_smile:

Symptoms

  1. Blurred vision
  2. Sore neck
  3. A noticeable limp
9

**

  1. Blurred vision
  2. Sore neck
  3. A noticeable limp **

Next time you walk into a bar, duck. And forget that flask in your pocket, we serve drinks here.

**

  1. Twitching
  2. Stammering
  3. Jumping up and down
    **
10

You know, if you’re that nervous about public speaking, maybe you shouldn’t do it while you’re on a trampoline.

  1. Drooling
  2. Swearing
  3. Walking backwards
11

1) Drooling
2) Swearing
3) Walking backwards

Diagnosis: You are obviously doing too much of the Texas Two-Step.

Symptoms:

  1. My mother doesn’t love me

  2. I don’t even love myself

  3. Even Opal doesn’t like me

12

“Mother! Please! I’d rather do it myself, despite Opal’s help.”
(Diagnosis courtesy Anacin commercial circa 1960s.)

**

  1. Your cholesterol level is four digits.
  2. Your prostate exam requires four digits.
  3. Your bill is four digits.
    **
13

AcidKid:

Your doctor charges you extra because he’s tired of digging out the shells from the raw eggs you’ve been inserting into your rectum.

1)Intense genital itching
2)Open sores inside your mouth
3)Painful nipples

14

Holly

1)Intense genital itching - You’re a man…
2)Open sores inside your mouth - …with herpes…
*3)Painful nipples * - … who is pregnant

Better find a real good OB/GYN…

  1. Loss of hair
  2. Loss of body temperature
  3. Loss of girlfriend
15

You’re a rabbit that fnord got ahold of.

Symptoms:

Blue toes
Feverish grin
excessive flatulence

16

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by GingerOfTheNorth *
**

You wandered outside during the annual Christmas Chili Cook-off in Edmonton for a little nooky with the buxom barmaid.

Symptoms:
Overweight
Orange Weenie
Sore right arm
Blurred vision

17

You frequently eat Cheetos while watching adult movies on a TV right in front of your face.

Symptoms:
Ringing in my ears
Inability to wake up on time
Sore thumbs

18

Diagnosis: You are sleeping with your thumbs in your ears.

Symptoms:

Loss of appetite
Nausea
Acne

19

You are a teenager with awfully bad skin, the sight of which will make you sick to your stomach every time you look in the mirror.

Symptoms:[ol]
[li]Gnawing on the woodwork[/li][li]Barking at the moon[/li][li]Voting Republican (Hi Opal)[/li]I LOVE RAMEN NOODLES! YEAH! [/ol]

20

[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Bosda Di’Chi of Tricor *
Symptoms:[ol]
[li]Gnawing on the woodwork[/li][li]Barking at the moon[/li][li]Voting Republican (Hi Opal)[/li][li]I LOVE RAMEN NOODLES! YEAH! [/ol][/li][/QUOTE]

Diagnosis: You’re perfectly normal (except for your Ramen noodle fetish). Please pay the receptionist on the way out.

Symptoms:

  1. I keep repeating things
  2. I keep repeating things
  3. I keep forgetting what I was just saying…