Skin medication is not to be taken internally.
Symptoms:
1)I keep repeating things
2)I keep repeating things
3)I keep forgetting what I was just saying
You have dissociation and retrograde amnesia so what seems to be your problem?
**1) There is a shooting pain down my left leg.
-
There is a shooting pain up my right leg.
-
The voices don’t talk to me anymore.
Diagnosis: You know, they’ll give a concealed weapons permit to just about anyone these days!
Symptoms:
-
Hyperactive
-
Always thirsty
-
Not on meds, but should be…
Daignosis: You are my dog.
Symptoms:
1)Night sweats
2)Leg cramps
3)Excessive hairiness
Diagnosis: Someone replaced your Nair with Rogaine. Don’t ask me why it causes cramps, it just does.
Symptoms:
-
Insomnia
-
Pinkeye
-
Right foot missing
Please sit down. I have some bad news. You are going to DIE DIE DIE DIE. Ahem, excuse me. You see you are a 29 year old brit who tries to get sleepy by walking around in the woods in the back parts of Oregon.
heeheehee, nobody will get that. Absolutely nobody. heeheehee, well maybe a few but almost nobody
- Overactive bladder
- Inverted nipples
- Bleeding from the gums
- Excessive ear hair
- Extreme addiction to cigarettes
- You speak French
Diagnosis: You are a government experiment gone horribly wrong. Merci buckets…
Symptoms:
- A nervous twitch
- Projectile vomiting
- One leg shorter than the other
You got drunk with your pals and they nailed one of your feet to the floor. You’ve been going in circles since, causing a lean and one of your legs to be longer.
My day has been awful:
1)Swollen, painful eye
2)loss of fingernails
3)Blue lips
[QUOTE]
*Originally posted by Monstre *
**
Zut Alors. Arienne?? Is that you? I’m so thrilled to see that the buboes have finally settled down !!! 
We simply MUST do lunch one day !!
Not only did you EAT the rat poison, but said rat ate off your foot and lower tib/fib. The twitch is hereditary, all Dead Heads have it 
Symptoms:
- Can’t stop licking the knuckles of my left hand.
- Can’t stop licking the knuckles of other people’s left hand.
- Scouring the Internet for women who are brunette and have the last name “Gorsky”.
- Rocking incessantly to and fro. Never fro and to. Always to and fro.
Cartooniverse
Diagnosis: You stuck your fingernail through your eye while eating a blue popsicle, and punctured your brain. You’re dead.
Symptoms:
Red bumpy rash
excessive mucous
loss of eyelashes and eyebrows
Lay off those “insanity” peppers for awhile.
Symptoms:
Hair loss
Sore elbows
Awkwardly located planter warts
A third opinion on…Medea’s Child
*1)Swollen, painful eye
2)loss of fingernails
3)Blue lips *
Diagnosis: You just ate a smurf, and he fought you all the way down.
For Cartooniverse, who was skipped:
*1. Can’t stop licking the knuckles of my left hand.
2. Can’t stop licking the knuckles of other people’s left hand.
3. Scouring the Internet for women who are brunette and have the last name “Gorsky”.
4. Rocking incessantly to and fro. Never fro and to. Always to and fro. *
Diagnosis: You’ve been turned into an orangutan who’s into urban legends. You’d better have that looked at…
Greg Charles
Hair loss
Sore elbows
Awkwardly located planter warts
Diagnosis: You need to stay away from Cartooniverse from now on – he’s contagious.
Symptoms:
- Tall
- Dark
- Handsome
Diagnosis: You are Michael Jordan (or maybe Will Smith, we’re still waiting on the X-rays).
Symptoms:
-
Unable to concentrate
-
Hard of hearing
-
Priapism (made you learn an new word, didnt I)
Symptoms:
- Tall
- Dark
- Handsome
Diagnosis: You are Ben Affleck. Don’t make another
movie like Reindeer Games or I’ll be forced to shoot you.
Symptoms:
- Extreme sensitivity to light
- Pale skin
- Depression
-Ben
Well, I wouldn’t be able to concentrate if my dick were in my ear, either…quite impressive, by the way…
Symptoms:
- Manic
- Depressive
- Can’t stop humming the Battle Hymn of the Republic
You’re a vampire wannabe.
You’re a native Southerner who is having trouble with his/her alterego, a hardcore Bostonian.
Symptoms:
- Desire to eat as much wedding cake as possible.
- Inability to keep eyes off of long white dresses…
- An arrow sticking out of butt.
You’re a horny 30-suttim archery instructor at the local YMCA who has recently taken notice of her biological clock…tick tock tick tock and accidentantly misplaced an arrow, now conveniently lodged in your ass.
Symptoms:
- Hallucinations of bright blue radioactive bunnies, everywhere
- Swollen middle finger
- What looks like possible wings sprouting out of your lower back
- A protusion on your forearm that resembles George Bush
Please have a seat. I’ve gone over your tests.
As your doctor I’ve told you time and again to take the vitamin B-12 to reduce the flashbacks. Once the bunnies go away you’re see that those love handles aren’t so frightening.
AND REMEMBER THAT I’M THE DOCTOR!
Quit playing with my sphygmomanometer and
no more home pap smears no matter how often you think you need one.
Symptoms:
- Small mole on right eyeball
2… Dead rabbit in left ear - Antlers
*1. Small mole on right eyeball
2. Dead rabbit in left ear
3. Antlers *
Diagnosis: You are one with nature. Literally.
Symptoms:
- Nose hives
- A third arm
- Webbed feet