All right, here’s how the game works: I give a problem I’m having, and the next poster has to diagnose it (with a suitably medical-sounding name) and give a suggested treatment regimen. Then, he or she gives a new problem for the next person. Naturally, this isn’t a serious thread, or it’d get smacked down by the mods. Let’s have some fun!
I have these hairs that grow between my two eyebrows. Is that bad?
You are suffering from Unibrow (latin Browis Uninterruptis). Treatment includes waxing, plucking, and “string” treatment. Please take maximum dose of rum and coke before undergoing any of these treatments.
Related symptoms consist of lots of whining and sighing, limping and ocasionally muttering, “no, no, I’m fine, really!”
Treatment is lots of sympathy and kisses, until your SO gets so fed up with you that s/he “accidentally” stomps on your toe, which doesn’t actually hurt anymore.
I have a 12 month old daughter, and I’m tired all the time.
Unfortunately, there is no known cure but time. And maybe rum. However, the condition will resolve itself, although the resolution may be a worse condition - called the Teenage Years. You might consider running away from home.
I’ve got these little purple splotches all over my arms and legs - they seem to spring up from the slightest bump.
MsRobyn, I’m not surprised to see you here. Your’s is an incurable malady we doctors like to call “Jimmy’s Disease.” Although of tropical origin we see many outbreaks in the northern climates between the months of October and April. As I said there is no cure for JD, but it is often effectivel treated with high doses of rum and/or tequila laced with citrus derivatives.
**Governor ** - You appear to be suffering from an extreme case of rectal gigantism. Stop laying down on the highway and pretending to be a tunnel. The trucks will eventually find their way out.
As for me, despite not having had split pea soup in several weeks, I have stuff of the same color coming out of my nose.
You suffer from biposticitis, a common condition where posting coincides with other posts, distrupting the flow of the thread. Take the Preview Post button after long periods of typing.
You suffer from peaboogerism. You need to cut some ham into tiny bits and stuff them up your nose, and leave them there for 20 minutes. Add salt for flavor. And don’t pick at it.
Mama Zapa you appear to have a severe case of limpuscurlicus. I suggest you plug in your toaster and practice making toast while sitting in a full tub of water. You should have curls in no time.