Child-free Women Dopers - A Question

In My Humble Opinion
41

Never had the urge. When I was in my 20’s I figured that I would someday want and have kids. I’ll be 38 soon and it hasn’t happened yet. I even like babies – it’s when they start talking back that I don’t find them so fun anymore.

Luckily my husband and I agree that people who really want kids should have them – we just don’t. We do like playing the eccentric aunt and uncle though.

Anyway, I am glad to know that I am not the only one that hasn’t heard the clock ticking. My only fear is that I will get the “urge” when I’m too old to do anything about it.

42

Never wanted one, never had one. Never felt “the clock”. My reaction to a baby’s cry is to run - but if I hear a kitten yelling I have to find out why and fix it. I’ve been told the wrong maternal instinct got installed at the factory.

43

31 here. I like kids well enough, but the permanence and constant-ness (sorry, there’s probably a better word) of parenting was impressed on me during my baby-sitting years. It’s fun teaching kids and fascinating to watch them learn and absorb their world, they have a unique perspective, yadda yadda, but there was always that feeling of relief at the end, of being able to go “Here you go. Here’s your child back. stick out palm Money, please!” and then go home to my own space. :slight_smile:

Besides, I have an absolute and utter horror of pregnancy and childbirth. The idea freaks me right the holy hell out. I’d be willing to take in and care for a child someone else had made, but I don’t wanna make one myself. (I also have some … strong opinions about human overpopulation, so there’s that, too.)

Mr. Horseshoe also doesn’t want kids - doen’t really even like 'em all that much, mostly - so it’s pretty much a non-issue in our household.

44

Yeah, there’s that for me too. I’ve always been an androgynous/tomboy sort of person, and the thought of this…this…*thing *growing inside me, changing my body in horrific ways (some of which don’t change back!), forcing me to be seriously vulnerable for the better part of a year…no, thanks.

I’ve often said I would have made a good dad. But a good mom? No way.

45

I DID want kids (still do), but at 35 I’ve still never felt a biological urge.

46

I’m nearly 43 and I haven’t felt it.

47

I haven’t managed it yet (only 26) but I’ve been consumed by an intense physical and emotional desire to gestate, birth, and raise my own child since I was about 15. Before ‘the clock’ started ticking I spent my whole childhood saying I never wanted kids. It’s the only thing I’ve ever wanted so badly.

Frankly it would be much more convenient if these feelings would just go away and I could even imagine living a child-free life, since I’m poor and I’m in love with a man who doesn’t want a biological child.

48

I have a medical problem which may make this academic.

Do I like kids? I have to say yes. I don’t find them all cute, at all, in fact I find them pretty repellent. But I really like interacting with them. I’ll play with my nieces and nephews, hold kids, keep track of them, talk to them and play with them. I especially like teaching them new things.

I once spent a three hour plane trip trying to get the two-year-old in the opposite aisle seat from me to laugh. He cried up to that point, but after I started talking to him he was fine.

Do I feel an “urge”…I’d have to say, no, actually. The thought that I CAN’T have kids really upsets me. So I think I might actually want them someday (I’m 34 now, so that someday isn’t far off). But do I feel an urge, no. No dreams, no wanting, no desperation. If I make the decision to have them it’s going to be a rather cold, logical choice on my part.

So I’m left with a maybe. But as I said, it may be academic. If I decide I want to, I may start trying to have one in a few years, but then I may not be able to. But then again, the women of my family are pretty fertile.

Guess I’ll see :wink:

49

Some years ago I was very good friends with two SAHMs – one had three children at the time under the age of 6; the other, her first. I sat through all the chaos of the former and the “all baby all the time” talk of the latter. Oh. My. Head. :eek:

I later learned that, for both of them, I was their “sanity check”, their reminder that yes, there was a life Out There that didn’t include little children. A life where a mother could go out for a peaceful dinner, read books, have intelligent conversation, spend time by herself and for herself.

As much as they loved being SAHMs, they both admitted they couldn’t wait for their children to start school…

50

Another “no, no clock bomb went off.” I’m 49. Had always been ambivalent about having children, although I like (many of them) well enough. I’ve had the intense care of children at various periods, so I know well what’s involved and I do have a nurturing side. I thought that if I were in the right relationship it might be a natural outgrowth of that, and I was OK with the idea. But that type of relationship has never happened, and I’m childless, and well, there you are. At times I wonder what life would have been like otherwise, and I regret that my parents did not have the opportunity to be grandparents (which they would have loved). But … no, no biological urge of any kind.

51

I don’t often admit it because it would seem like rubbing people’s noses in it, but I consider myself lucky to not have the overwhelming drive to have kids. I also wonder sometimes if people lacking that urge are the next step in human development, as we live on an ever more crowded planet.

52

35 years old, and there is no clock. If there is one I shall beat it with a hammer until it stops ticking.

I have had the occasional urge to have children, but not to bear them or bring them up - parents get a lot of attention and love showered upon them in all three of the cultures I’m heavily involved in, and sometimes I get tired of being the red-headed stepchild. But I never actually wanted the rugrats myself. I never played House or Mommy as a child; rarely played with dolls, etc.

I like some children but I don’t really understand how people can like all kids. They are not inherently cute and some of them can be downright annoying. I can’t stand “clever” children, the ones that have learned to manipulate adults around them.

53

I didn’t like kids even when I was a kid. I refused to do babysitting jobs. Got roped into it once when I was 15. First and only time I changed a diaper. Asked my doctor to remove my uterus or tie my tubes when I was in my 20’s and was refused because, “you’ll change your mind.” Umm, no. I’ll be 41 on Monday and still don’t want kids. I tolerate them, that’s it. Babies are OK, I just don’t want to make any.

54

I’m 51. I’ve never wanted children, and I’ve never felt any sort of physical or even strong psychological urge to have a baby, or to raise children. The closest I’ve ever come was a few minutes (and I do mean minutes) of “what if” speculation on a handful of occasions when I was in my late twenties. The end result of the speculation was always “No, that really isn’t what I want out of life.”

55

42, no interest, no desire, ever. My standard joke is “My biological clock is stuck blinking 12:00.”

Also, mommy issues. Also, I’m the youngest of 7 and all of them had a bunch of kids. By the time I was 18, I’d already babysat more kids than I cared to count, of all ages and pains-in-the-ass-levels. I was pretty much burned out by trying to make money for college. I also run from the baby fever women at work, but drop a puppy in my lap and I’ll squee so only the puppy can hear it. :smiley:

56

42, never wanted kids, never had any biological urge.

My question is this: has anyone else ever felt awkward when in a non social situation with this topic? I mean, you’re new at a job or at some sort of industry event where people do the small talk thing, and someone asks if you have kids. When I say no it always feels a little weird… maybe because I’ve just closed off one major small talk topic? I always ask them back and then make the appropriate comments about little Suzy or Billy and the moment passes, but it always seems a bit odd.

This only happens when I’m in a work type situation - when meeting strangers in a purely social setting saying no never phases me one bit.

Weird.

57

47, never really wanted any. Like others, I spent a lot of time in my teens “mothering” my youngest sister, then later my older sister’s fist child. By the time I was 18 I felt like I’d been taking care of kids 7 of those years and that burned the child desire out of me.

Whatever nurturing instincts were left have been fed by taking in stray cats and working long hours for non-profits, and even that desire didn;t really cut in much before I turned 30.

58

The thing that makes it really awkward for me is that I volunteer heavily with the Girl Scouts. Mostly on the business end, but I am involved in (and passionate about) the program for teenage girls. I mentor a 16 year old.

It comes up in two very awkward ways:

I get asked to volunteer with the young kids. I have had to say, “No, I’m sorry, I dislike small children, especially in large groups.” Not a good reaction.

Then people ask me, “Oh, so do you plan to adopt an older child?” Or they joke, “Ha ha, your kid will just have to stay in the womb until age 7!” As if it’s just assumed I’ll have kids. So I say, “No, I’m not really interested in having my own kids.” And then I’m Cruella DeVille, making coats out of baby skin, or something.

Babies are okay, but they’re boring as hell. Just met my best friend’s four month old. Honestly, one of the cutest babies I’ve ever seen. But she’s fun for maybe 15 minutes. Every two hours is the cycle of “feed, change diaper, babble at baby.” I’d shoot myself in the head. It’s not remotely interesting. The worst part is knowing that you have to talk to the baby and interact with it for mental development, but the interaction is so friggin’ puerile.

Fortunately, most of my baby-having friends are cool. Best friend, her husband, and I make really dark remarks about babies. Like this:

“Ugh, child proofing. When she gets to crawling age, I think I’ll just hobble her instead.”

“The sounds she makes sound like a dolphin. We should take her on one of those dolphin-watching cruises and toss her overboard, to see if the dolphins accept her as one of their own.”

“This baby is really a bipolar, ADHD little asshole, isn’t she? Let’s put lithium in her bottle.”

Still, it’s not like making jokes really alleviates the drudgery. Or the sleep deprivation.

59

I’m 64 and have never wanted kids. I guess I fall into the “don’t like children” camp too.

It’s interesting to me how many of the dopers whose posts I always enjoy are also in this thread and childless by choice.

60

Mid 40s, and nope, I’ve never had an urge to have kids. Occasionally I wonder what child a that my SO and I made would be like, but that’s about it. Thankfully, my SO and I agree totally on this.

I do occasionally feel a little say that my SO won’t have kids of his own to play with. He is SO good with kids between about 4 and 15. I can certainly take care of them, and I help watch over and entertain our nieces, nephews and friends’ kids, but I just have no desire to have one of my own.