In my own opinion about child molesters is it’s all bullshit. I was molested along with my older brother by our uncle I was 4 he was 6. They say a child molester already has power over the child so it’s NOT rape even though we said NO, But it was more about his sexual gratification. But I don’t get how you can get turned on by a little girl and her brother. Is he gay for liking my bubbie? Is he a pervert for liking me? well we will never know the answers to those questions just that what he did was wrong and got 14 years in prison and got raped everyday for what he did. I hate this man and need to learn how to forgive him and myself for hating him. I hate having to see him at family events, my grandparents or more like my grandmother doesn’t believe he did a thing cause we didn’t go to trial they wanted to spare me and my brother mostly him of the embarrassment of what had happened. I wish we would of went to trial cause he would of got a lot longer then 14 years and only spent 9 in prison. IDK! I wish he would just leave and never show face again.
Your grandmother is wrong for not believing you and your brother, and your family is fucked up for having him at family events at all. And you don’t need to forgive yourself because you’ve done nothing wrong. Your feelings are justified. It sounds like you could benefit from some counseling though.
I wouldn’t deal with anyone in my family that didn’t object to this guy being part of it, which would include not going to events when he was there. And I don’t see why you would need to forgive him because he got off easy. And you don’t need any forgiveness for anything. It’s awful that this has happened to you. Perhaps you can find a way to deal with this by helping other abuse victims.
The trauma from sexual assault can be long term, complex, and multi-faceted, even moreso for those who were harmed as children. Your family, clearly, is part of the problem.
If possible, you and your brother need to distance yourself from your family and get counseling while you work on healing. There may be a time when you can confront your parents and grandparents about enabling the man who raped you, and you may be able to salvage something from that. Right now, though, your focus should be on you.
Find a new family. If you didn’t go to trial, that means he plead guilty.
Don’t go to the events. Go to therapy.