It’s pretty common for mentally retarded people to have trouble understanding social rules, especially as they relate to personal space. If they happen to be friendly sorts, they sometimes don’t understand how to temper their friendly impulses so that they are acting in a more socially acceptable way.
If a stranger just came up to me and started talking to me as if I were his best friend, I would probably wonder if he was developmentally disabled. Because this has happened to me many times with people who actually were mentally disabled, and rarely with people who weren’t. If the person was assuming that it was okay to touch me, and he seemed to be over a certain age, I’d be even more likely to think that he may be developmentally disabled, because even the most gregarious non-disabled generally don’t try to cross that boundary.
Part of the problem is that many parents/caretakers of the developmentally disabled don’t make enough effort to teach them about this. And it may be “cute” for a 6-year-old to jump in your lap, it’s definitely not cute for an 12-year-old to do so. So parents who have been permissive on this difficult issue often find that they have not laid the important groundwork necessary for their disabled children to understand that social rules are important.
We have had a couple of threads here on this issue. The one that I remember most clearly is that a woman had a big problem with a developmentally disabled in-law relative. He was an adult, and was trying to touch her in a sexually inappropriate way. Sadly, many parents are so uncomfortable with the fact that their developmentally disabled children do have sexual feelings that they just try to ignore it, and don’t teach them anything about how to handle them.
So, to sum up: No, being effusive is not evidence of mental retardation. But overly friendly behavior that seems to disregard personal-space conventions is common among the developmentally disabled. Therefore, if the child was acting way to friendly for his apparent age, it’s not surprising that people may have thought that.
I’ve had kids do similar things to me, with similar inattention from the parents. I don’t get that. It’s not a matter of “managing with cattle prods”, it’s a matter of explaining to your child how to act and how not to act. If either of my kids did this in a restaurant, they would be told right away that you don’t do that. Noone is born with social skills already intact. It’s up to the parents definitely to teach this.
If the boy in Mama Tiger’s situation really was about 5 though, that’s just sad. By that age somebody should have taught him not to take food off of stranger’s plates. Urrggghh! Other parents and their “I let my kids raise themselves” attitudes irritate me.
Heh. Never got water to the face that I know of, but I’ve been told that when I threw my first major tantrum, my mother took me upstairs to my room, plopped me on my bed, and left until I gave up on it. Apparently I learned very quickly that throwing a fit wasn’t the best way to get attention.
I’ve often observed people of high intelligence, politicians, and citizens of other countries experiencing culture shock having this same problem. Even to this day, I still have problems learning what is accepted. Every time I experience something new, I use what I have learned. Although, it gets rather difficult when you’ve experienced cross-culture emulation like most military brats. I don’t think the child (nor I) is retarded. He’s probably learning by his already outgoing nature what is accepted and what isn’t accepted as a social norm. I am willing to bet that the child would probably be a natural leader if his behaviour isn’t regarded as negative at an early age. On the other hand, only the child will know in its mind what is acceptable and what isn’t. His already outgoing nature will guide him more so than someone saying, “NO.” I bet he’s stubborn, and that’s definitely a sign of intelligence (unless it violates basic logic [if, then, else…] Early behaviours do not suggest post-pubescent behavioural patterns because we all go through a mixture of chemicals called puberty. If he’s mentally retarded, I am guessing that would be indicated by his performance in school; although, in all respects, I was/am bored in school primarily because of the repetition of concepts. I would discipline the kid in whatever means I felt were appropriate, and guide in a general direction followed by a set routine, and the kid will have an idea of what it wants by its set maturity. My base would be what I would give it. It’s trying to steer a boat with a small rudder. Sure, you may give it direction, but if it’s going to hit an iceberg because of someone else’s indifference to warning, it’ll sink. The most rational thing to accept is that life is going to throw some sort of oddities, and there isn’t a thing that we can do about it. There is no plan, there is no instruction book, and there certainly is no reset switch. Life and do what you think is best. You only have your perception in thinking what you’re doing is right.
I still think it’s a creative idea to approach the twit’s mother that stole food suggesting a communicable (and hopefully fatal) disease could be present in the bloodstream. Rip up the status quo!
…reminds me of that hilarious scene in Chevy Chase’s “Las Vegas Vacation”:(at the buffet), with buffon brother-in-law:“is that the creamed chicken”?
(attendent)-picks up sign,plops it in adjacent tray of liquid crap , "NO-this IS the creamed chicken!
I’ve never eaten in a buffet after seeing that!
I am apalled at the things that parents let their children get away with in public. I was at the grocery with my niece who was 7 at the time and she threw herself on the floor in the middle of the aisle because I told her she couldn’t have the cake she had picked up. There she was kicking and screaming at the top of her lungs and my mother was patting her back saying “poor thing, gramma will get it for you” I told her I was NOT going to buy a spoiled brat ANYTHING and proceeded to take out the stuff she had already picked out and put in in a different basket for restocking. When I was done I turned and walked to the check out lane, leaving her to continue throwing her fit. I told my mother if she wasn’t done by the time I walked out then she could walk the 4 miles home. Needless to say the bratchild was outside sitting on the bench waiting for me when I was done. My mother and I talked about it later and I told her that I don’t care how SHE lets her behave, she’s NOT to behave like that in my prescence again or they would NOT be allowed to go anywhere with me again. I cannot abide by a child acting like that. I have three children of my own and altho they are NOT perfect, they DO know how to act in public. It’s all in the training. (and yes it IS training. AKA education) Children learn by example for the most part so I really would HATE to see the activities of the parents of the child in the OP.
Sorry, that was about the OP. But come to think of it, I wish I were felt better about the one mentioned right above, in the area of serious consequences later, at this rate.