Children of older parents/older parents of young chilluns

In My Humble Opinion
21

My fiance’s parents were in their late 30s when he was born; I think he said his mom was 38. Of course, they didn’t get married until they were in their early 30s, so they didn’t wait (together, at least) to have kids. From what I can tell, both him and his older brother are on very good terms with his parents.

He’s 43, and we’re not even going to start thinking about kids for two or three years (certainly until I finish the degree I’m working on) so this might, or might not, be an issue for us. He sure ACTS younger than he is. I thought he was in his mid to late 30s when we first met.

Get this – my youngest great-uncle, on my mother’s side, was born when my great-grandmother was 47! ACK! Talk about an “oops” baby…

22

I think it’s possible for me to recognize that my mother made a huge mistake when she married my father, and simultaneously recognize that I would not exist if she had not done so. I’m not that important in the fabric of the universe. :slight_smile: Similarly, my friend knows that her younger daughter was an “oops” child, and that her life would be tremendously easier without a second child, and yet she values that child as much as the first.

I posted on behalf of my husband, so I can’t answer the direct question here. But I was just presenting a possible downside, not giving concrete advice one way or another.

No – but it sure would be nice if I didn’t have to determine in advance what my tolerance level for idiotic/bigoted remarks will be before I invent an excuse to leave a family gathering. :where’s that “chagrin” smiley?:

23

I forgot to mention that I was my Mom’s fourth child, and because of my Dad’s poor health, she worked full-time thru most of my early childhood. So I guess she had good reason to be tired. OTOH, my friends parents always turned to my parents for advise. They were the people that everyone in the neighborhood came to when they needed help. And other kids thought it was cool that I had nieces and nephews older than me.

24

Well, I hate to say it, but I didn’t have such a great experience being the child of older parents. My dad was in good health for his age, but he was still in his sixties when I was born and died when I was a young child. He might well have been secure, but I still don’t really feel like having children at that age gave me a chance to know my father.

My mother was in her late 30s when I was born, and had she been stable and in good health, that would have been a good age at which to have children. Unfortunately, her health has gone downhill in the past 10 years (which is, in some part, due to not taking the advice of medical professionals). It’s getting close to where she will probably have to go to a group home while I’m in my twenties. Sometimes I think that I really need to get married and have children pronto, or she’s never going to see any grandkids from my side (luckily, my sister already has children).

As for the question,

In my dad’s case, yes. In my mom’s case, it was more other issues that would have urged me to advise her not to have me.

25

I’m 39 and Mr P will be 50 soon. He’s closer in age to my mother than he is to me. Our sons are 5 and 9.

I think it’s mostly attitude. While Mr P has been mistaken for the boys’s grandfather, that’s only based on looks. He’s a very active very involved parent, far more so than he was with the daughter who was born when he was 25.

My parents had me when they were 19 and 10 – my sister was born when they were 18 and 19. Don’t get me started on the disadvantages of that. They were great parents but they had things they needed to do for themselves and had no business having kids that young.

Good luck Athena!

26

My boss’s first child was born when he was 40 (he’s now 42). He says that his son motivates him to keep himself fit and active because he wants to be able to keep up with his son and do all that sporty stuff with him. He jogs every lunchtime. He’s a very fit and healthy man, and seems to think that it’s thanks to his son.

27

my mother was 32 when she had me, my dad was 38, they were
38 and 44 when my youngest sister arrived.

it never bothered me, and they seem much younger and more vital than other people of their age…while most of my dad’s friends are planning weddings and christening granchildren he still has a child in secondary school.

i’ve realised that my parents needed their 20s (and my dad needed his 30s too) to have their own freedom and independence.

i know part of the reason they have such a happy marriage is that they married late and accomplished lot of things they wanted to do while they were still young enough to do them.

they have always said that they had their youth to be young, their middle age to be parents and their retirement to be footloose and fancy free!

at present they’re talking about selling the house and travelling the world in a camper van sometime after my little sister starts college…4 years to go before that happens!

i think if you have the fire and the passion and the energy to be a good parent, it shouldn’t matter what age you are when you become one.

28

Well I have to support older parenthood as well. And young parent hood. Having been both :smiley:

My oldest child was born when I was 18 and my youngest when I was 41, with 2 in between, I am now 50, and up until recently was still able to have a decent wrestle with the nine yr old (preferably on soft surfaces). It his size and not my ability that have put a stop to that :slight_smile:

I have enjoyed every minute of this late addition, and I have met a number of other older mothers who feel the same.
I say go for it Athena and good luck!!

29

My parents were 40 and 42 when they had me. My sisters were 12 and 17.

The two phrases most commonly addressed to me in my early childhood were “Shut up” and “I don’t have time.”

I would ask these questions of anyone who found it necessary to ask if they were “too old” to have children. I realize some of them have already been addressed in this thread, but here goes anyway.

  1. Are you in generally good health? Is there a possibility that you will fall victim to a degenerative condition? (My dad was on medical leave for a year when I was in grade school.)

  2. Is your insurance adequate? (We had no dental plan. I can scare small children just by smiling.)

  3. Do you live in a neighborhood well-stocked with potential babysitters? (My neighbors’ kids had all left the nest at about the same time I came along.)

  4. Do you have friends or associates who are also in the process of making babies, so your little one will have built-in playmates? (Same deal: my parents’ friends were either finished building their family, or didn’t start until I was in grade school.)

  5. Are you stable in your finances and professional life? (My parents were struggling to pay off huge debts; my mom had two part-time jobs, both of which she hated.)

  6. If you already have kids, are they well-adjusted? Or are they troubled teens (middle daughter) and/or pseudo-adults who are likely to land on your doorstep with their own kid before long (oldest daughter)?

  7. Is your marriage generally functional? Having another baby won’t fix anything, yanno. (I’m not applying that to you, Athena!)

Good luck!

30

My wife and I waited 20 years prior to having kids. We had pursued many of our career, entreprenurial and self-identity projects more or less successfully. So I guess we needed to start a new project. That was almost five years ago. Now I am 46 and my wife is 45 and we have a spirited 4 and a half year old daughter and an easy going 2 and a half year old son.

Life has changed. My line is: it’s not the money, it’s the energy. Fortunately we are both in good shape and youthful, but still at the end of the day we are both tired. But, our lives have been incredibly enriched with unconditional love by the hour. I am far more patient now and confortable with my self. Havings kids, especially after 9/11, has helped me realize what is truly important in life and I have enjoyed that sense of focus.

Our social lives have changed big time–we hang out with other old fart newer parents (there are lots out there) or kids with kids. Also some of our old friends now have grandkids, but I can’t relate to their lack of issues. Most of our childless or single friends that we had prior to our kids, don’t socialize with us for understandable reasons–I am sure I did the same way back then myself.

Some of our old hobbies and interests remain; others await more free time; but that would happen without kids too. You just adapt to your new constraints and opportunities. One example, since we eat at home much more now, we have been enjoying learning about wines. And frozen foods too. . .

I am always intrigued by my kids’ evolving behavior and sense of values. My daughter is going to an intro Jewish/Hebrew class weekly, loves it, and has nudged us into lighting Shabbat candles every Friday night. The Grandma Bubbe is thrilled. She also successfully asked me, a now-reformed non-patriot, to purchase an American flag. Ten years ago I would never had guess I would be doin’ this stuff. So, life is great and fun.

After my wife first told me she was pregnant, I was so overcome with raw emotion and anxiety and, I guess, shock, that I fainted. When I came to, I instantly and deeply realized that it was time to become a better person. So, go ahead and tell hubby to breed. His emotions will grow and he will become a better adult. And the dog will reclaim his rightful place as a dog.

31

I second the posters who have said that, if your parents were “too old” at 50 or more, then they were too old at 30. MInd set.

I had Nick when I was 42. Zack when I was 46. Kate when I was 49. Their mom was 10 years younger.

If I had not had them, I would have missed the most important three things in my life, their stupid childhood faults aside.

I sometimes worry about dying before Kate gets out of high school. But you play the odds.

If you are too tired for your kids at my age(58), and don’t have a medical excuse, then don’t have the kid. It’s all in your mind.

32

My grandfather was 61 when my father was born and my father was 37 when I was born. My dad said that he didn’t have his father around and a part of his life when he needed him most – in his early manhood. But I do know that he was still crazy about his father.

Daddy seemed just the right age to me when I was growing up. It just seemed “normal.”

It is kind of strange to think about my grandfather’s having been a Confederate soldier though. By all rights, I should have been Victorian.