Children's parties...how to navigate.

In My Humble Opinion
1

My 4yr old grandson Zeb has just returned from his first invited birthday party, pretty shaken and in tears (as was his mum). Being in kindergarten now apparently means that when you have a birthday, you invite Every. Single. Kid. in your kinder class to share the celebrations…that’s 18-odd four year old kids. I get the vapours just thinking about it! :smiley:

But in all seriousness, my poor daughter is beside herself now thinking that Zeb has some sort of social anxiety disorder. It seems that they walked in to the party, Zeb started shaking and hiding behind her legs, and they beat a hasty exit with him in tears. Unfortunately, there’s another party scheduled tomorrow!

So, here’s my thinking: I adhere to the old dictum that kid’s parties should be attended by one more than the age of the child. IOW, for a four year old party, five kids is the max invited. Seven yrs old, eight kids etc. And two hours maximum, unless it’s a sleepover for the older children.

IMHO, little kids aren’t designed for ‘partying’ like adults. They don’t socialize with the other children…they hang out for a few party games, some lemonade and fairy bread, the bag of lollies at the end and that’s IT. Anything more is just overwhelming for them.

Yet it seems I may be out of the loop somewhat. Parties now are dead-set serious events with each parent trying to outdo the other wrt the number of invitations, degree of creativity and money spent on the special day. Which is fine for those parents who want to play along, but what about the other parents and kids who might want to do things a bit differently?

What are the social repercussions if (for example) your kid freaks out at parties, or you don’t throw a party equal to or better than the other parents? Or (as my daughter discovered this afternoon) you didn’t buy a present worth > $30?

Are parties really one of the social indicators for a community? How do you go about avoiding being labelled as the ‘weird’ kid or family if you don’t kow-tow to the current conventions?

Any advice welcomed!

(Oh, I don’t for a minute believe Zeb has a social anxiety disorder…I think he’s a totally normal kid who just felt out of his depth at the party. Haven’t we all at some stage?)

2

You don’t have to invite everyone in the class unless the invitations are being brought to school. Some people don’t seem to comprehend that.

3

I’m sure the parents throwing the parties today and tomorrow do comprehend that. You seem to have missed the point of one of my issues…that parents now want to maximize the number of kids at their party to prove their social standing in the (local, kindergarten, school, whatever…) community.

4

I have had four-year-olds a bit more recently than you, and IMO if you just go “stuff it, party for five” a lot of your fellow parents will breathe huge sighs of relief.

The Spouse wants to put in at this point that he thinks that having huge mega-parties for little kids like this can be actually quite disrespectful to the kids wishes. It’s not about the parents! That doesn’t apply if you have a Tiny Extrovert Party Animal, but I think only a minority of kids actually want that kind of stuff. They have friends. Probably a limited number of them. Invite them!

Anyway, tell your daughter that a couple of fellow parents over here think Zeb sounds perfectly sane, and nobody worth paying any attention to will think anything odd if he has three kids, ice-cream, and running round the backyard for his birthday.

5

My kids are 15 but when they were in kindergarden, it was normal for every single kid to be invited. i think moms just didn’t want to navigate the politics of the school run, having to explain why Johnny wasn’t invited to Jimmy’s party. It was probably more a blow to the mom’s ego than the kid’s. If people are rejecting that and having more manageable sized parties then yay! It was so stressful as I recall and my kids haven’t wanted a party since they were about 10.

I’ve heard that some of the teenage parties are quite over the top now too…clubs being rented, iPods in loot bags, ridiculous…we’re not rich but a lot of the kids in my kids’ class are.

My daughter also stood on the sidelines afraid to join in…she’s still quite shy so while it’s not something to worry about necessarily, a little support and understanding wouldn’t hurt.

6

Told her that. I think she gets it now!

This too.

Thanks. I’ll get her to read this in the morning! :slight_smile:

As I mentioned there’s another party tomorrow, so I’ve offered my services as Nana in situ to attend. Not just as moral support for Zeb (and my daughter) but to suss out the social pecking order and to find out which other parents are somewhat alienated by the current conventions. I’ve got an excellent nose for that sort of stuff…:smiley:

7

The other Birthday Fad of Eevil that I’ve been fighting a rearguard action against is … over the top thank-you cards. You know the ones - the parents who’ve been hovering round the party with their phones/cameras produce little photo-prints of Your Child Enjoying the Day (or possibly Birthday Child opening Your Child’s present) with elegantly lettered “thankyou for helping Jaslynnarabella-Maria celebrate her special day” laser printed in pink. I was tortured too much with thankyou cards as a child to want to inflict that torment on my own children.