Children's songs your mom didn't let you sing

[Dung_Beetle]

@Blisters

I asked my son a few years back if kids still sing the “milk, milk, lemonade” song.

He didn’t know it, so I demonstrated (I’m guessing you can guess the gestures that go along with the rhyme)

Milk, Milk, Lemonade.
Round the corner fudge is made.

Stick your finger in the hole
Hey, you got a Tootsie Roll!

[ekedolphin]

We also had:

On top of spaghetti
All covered with sand,
I shot my poor teacher
with a red rubberband

I shot her with pleasure.
I shot her with pride.
I couldn’t have missed her -
She’w a hundred feet wide.

I went to her funeral.
I went to her grave.
Everybody threw flowers -
I threw a grenade.
[/QUOTE]

The next line that I remember from that song is:

I opened her casket
And she wasn’t quite dead.
So I took a bazooka
And blew off her head.

[terentii]

The Addams Family started
when Uncle Fester farted.
And now they’re all retarded.
The Addams Family!

[Annie-Xmas]

Here comes the bride
Big, fat and wide.
Here comes the groom.
Skinny as a broom.
Here comes the usher
The old toilet flusher.

Mentioning a flushing toilet was not allowed.

[Wallaby]

@Maus_Magill

Variable lyrics included:
I chased her through the bank
With a US Army Tank

I met her at the door
With a loaded .44.

I’m sure there were more, but That’s all I can remember.

Ok - now I remember:
Hit her on the head with a stale piece of bread

But we used a german .44 (whatever that was).

@Maus_Magill

We also had:

On top of spaghetti
All covered with sand,
I shot my poor teacher
with a red rubberband

I shot her with pleasure.
I shot her with pride.
I couldn’t have missed her -
She’w a hundred feet wide.

I went to her funeral.
I went to her grave.
Everybody threw flowers -
I threw a grenade.

We had a few variations. But in our case, the teacher was only 90 feet wide. (You americans are so fat;))

[Johnny_Angel]

Another unusually dated rhyme I recall:

I pledge allegiance to the flag
Michael Jackson was a fag
Pepsi Cola burned him up
Now he’s drinking 7-Up

For those who weren’t around back then:

1. There was an incident years ago in which Michael Jackson was hospitalized with burns from an accident that occurred while filming a Pepsi commercial. So, this is now a ditty like most that seems to have been passed on through generations.
2. These days, Michael Jackson is widely suspected of being creepy with children, but formerly he was among a handful of pop artists often dismissed as homosexuals. Back then, people who made these accusations were considered bigoted, but people who considered themselves broad-minded would defend others against charges of homosexuality instead of defending the legitimacy of homosexuality.

[Malleus_Incus_Stapes]

God bless my underwear
My only pair
Stand beside, and guide her
Through the rips and the holes and the tears
From the washer to the dryer, to the clothesline, up above…
God bless my underwear, my only pair
God bless my underwear, my oooonly pair

[RTFirefly]

@dzeiger

Probably the least appropriate one I remember

On top of Old Smokey
All covered with blood
I shot my poor teacher
with a .44 slug

I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
Instead of flowers
I threw a grenade

My elementary school’s variation:

*On top of Old Smokey
All covered with mud
I found my poor teacher
all covered with blood.

A knife in her stomach
an axe in her head
and now my poor teacher
may soon be dead.*