With all due respect to Terry Pratchett,
Hogs.
We’ve got Hogfather the miniseries on telly for Christmas. Oh, happiness.
I want to say tapeworms, but I think penguins would actually be pretty cool.
You’re not by chance remembering skywhales, are you?
64,000 star-nosed moles… with dragonfly wings.
Penguins
Blowfish
Flying pigs would be my Cincinnati-influenced answer.
I’d suggest sheep, but they don’t so much fly as they do plummet.
Though they do plummet less spectacularly than turkeys.
This Holiday Preoccupation with Penguins is damned odd.
Velociraptors.
They live where it’s cold (also where it isn’t, but that’s irrelevant), and the image of them waddling along with a sled behind them, or flapping their flipper-wings and “swimming” the sled along, is priceless.
Especially if the lead one has a red beak.
And…
Penguins bother you, but it doesn’t that I suggested BLOWFISH???
I’ll concede that, but HTF does Santa get the sled from the North Pole to the South to harness up the Penguins? If eight tiny reindeer can take him half way across the world, WTF does he need the penguins? What do the reindeer do afterwards, Mr. Smartypants, take a cab home? Remember what they say about a reindeer scorned!
He doesn’t go to the South Pole. He keeps them in a Penguiin retreat at the North Pole. It’s next to the blowfish tank.
He’s going to need to relocate anyway, as the polar ice cap in the north is going to melt down, leaving him very wet for part of the year. I think he needs to use narwhals to haul his big, pimply butt down to Antartica, then emperor penguins to “fly” him around the world.
Ah ha, so it’s forced labor, is it? And just wait until PETA finds out about the blowfish tank!
Now you may have something there, especially since I’ve never seen Al Gore and Santa together at the same time.
I can’t believe someone beat me to Okapi. I actually told my daughter a story about Santa breaking down in central Africa and the Rain Deer needing to rest and recuperate and that 8 enchanted Okapis took their place. My daughter is getting an Okapi for Christmas (A toy one of course, she loves them.)
A team of Pegasi would be great or a few Giant Eagles of Manwë would be excellent replacements.
Jim
Cats
I wish I could find a copy of a Christmas got I got once showing a team of cats harnessed to Santa’s sleigh, with all of them looking distinctly annoyed and saying things like “Can we do this after my nap?”
Why is this any more forced labor than using reindeer? And why would anyone care about the blowfish tank?
It’s just that the piranhas didn’t work out.
I think you ment
[Al Gore]ManBearPigs[/Al Gore]
Of course zebras would be best.
Roger Clemens and Andy Pettite…
"On jucier and cheater and ol’ drug test beater…