Chrissy hates Podkayne with a blazing, furious hate. Chrissy hates the sight of Podkayne. Chrissy hates the voice of Podkayne. Chrissy hates the smell of Podkayne, which lingers after Podkayne leaves.
Chrissy’s people have gone on some sort of a damn fool vacation. In case you don’t know, a vacation is when one’s people, who have a responsibility to take care of one, disappear for a week, completely disrupting one’s routine and leaving some . . . some . . . human to do the bare minimum to sustain one’s existence.
Actually, to call Podkayne “human” is an insult to all humans. Podkayne is a cruel, slack-jawed bitch who has no idea how to behave around her betters.
You will not believe how Podkayne treats Chrissy.
First off, Podkayne is always late for breakfast and early for dinner, with the exception of last night, when she was so late that Chrissy was afraid that the stupid twit had forgotten about Chrissy and Chrissy’s dinner entirely, and Chrissy thought she might perish of hunger.
Secondly, she actually chases Chrissy out of bed, denying Chrissy the basic dignity of rising and supping when she wishes. Chrissy has made it quite clear, at first through polite meows, and then, when the doltish Podkayne ignored her, with abrubt hissing, and finally with some well-aimed swats, that Podkayne does not have permission to pick Chrissy up, but Podkayne’s skull is too thick to be penetrated by reason. Even after a well-aimed nip, which Chrissy is happy to report drew not a little bit of blood, the cruel and stupid Podkayne persisted in her attempts to pick Chrissy up and carry her downstairs. Oh, the humiliation of being borne through the house in the arms of a lowly human, and not even one of one’s own people, but some interloper who smells all wrong! Chrissy now knows to run whenever Podkayne approaches. This exacerbates Chrissy’s arthritis and pains her no end, but that nasty Podkayne seems to enjoy chasing Chrissy around the house.
When Chrissy has been either chased or dragged against her will to the kitchen, Podkayne proceeds to ruin Chrissy’s meal.
The water used to make the gravy in Chrissy’s food is either too hot or too cold. The food is either left in chunks that are much too large, or ground up into a sloppy purree that even a dog would turn his nose up to.
At first, Chrissy thought that Podkayne was just too stupid to put Chrissy’s dish in the proper place on the rug, always leaving it as much as a centimeter to the left or to the right, or too far toward the center of the rug, or too close to the edge. Chrissy now realizes that these misplacements are part of a little game that the nasty bitch Podkayne is playing to try to prove that she, a gargantuan, fat, ugly human can push Chrissy around. But Chrissy is on to Podkayne’s games, and she is not hesitant about showing that Chrissy is in charge by refusing to consume the ill-positioned slop which Podkayne serves in leiu of a proper meal.
If you do not believe Chrissy about how stupid Podkayne is, then listen to this: Podkayne once tried to placate Chrissy by bringing Chrissy her supper upstairs! Can you imagine such a lapse in decorum? Chrissy can assure you that she turned up her nose to that, thank you very much.
Chrissy does not know how long it will be until her people return, but she is looking forward to it. Chrissy’s people are doltish and stupid as well, but Chrissy has spent many years training them, and they can at least be expected to attend properly to Chrissy’s needs, and unlike the impatient and insensitive Podkayne, Chrissy’s people have brains enough to leave her alone when they are dismissed. They will hear all about the faults and shortcomings of this cruel, stupid, and untrainable human, and they will bear the full brunt of Chrissy’s displeasure.
In the meantime, Chrissy is planning either to bite Podkayne again, or perhaps to throw up on the bedroom rug so she can watch Podkayne clean it up.