Christians, a little help...?

This summer, my Grandpa passed away. He wrote a will which bypassed my family entirely, and gave it all to the other side. This effectively split our relation with that side of the family (whom we had been very, very close to) and caused much division within even our own family. My Grandpa and his wife had been divorced for over two decades because my Grandma (still alive) is mentally unstable and abusive. So this was a tragedy.

Then, I have been sick with some disease for months and months. The doctors can’t figure out what it is, but they have suggested it could be MS. I have been to appointment after appointment (and I’m just not that type), which has been very stressful and bothersome. It has caused my parents much worry, and I feel very guilty.

One of my only teenage friends has recently gotten themselves into much trouble. Among other things, they’re doing drugs, which has obviously ruined our relationship… most likely beyond repair. So right now, I have practically no friends, and certainly no one to talk to.

I’ve just recently graduated high-school, and was working over the summer. However, I am now out of work because it was seasonal. I’ve been looking for a job, but just can’t seem to get one (which has also been bad for self-esteem). So I spend much time at home, alone, out in the boonies… one can imagine.

I don’t want to burden anyone, so I never share my problems with people. While I feel I’m protecting those I love, I also think I’m hurting myself and becoming more miserable than anything. I am a born-again believer in Jesus Christ, and right now He’s the only person keeping me well. But, I could still really use a little encouragement… or even a reprimand. I’ll take anything, but I need some help. It’s been really hard. What should I do?

Thanks for reading.

Are you involved in any local church groups? You’re going through a tough time and should really speak with a pastor or priest.


Church is supposed to be a community, meaning it’s there when you need help.

I’m not a Christian. Apparently I can’t help.

And you’re doing a great job. :smiley:

You’re welcome.

Why does your deceased grandfather’s decisions have anything to do with how you interact with your family. They are not responsible for your grandfather’s choices. If you have had closeness with that side of the family, you should reach out to them. Don’t let other’s bitterness affect how you relate with your family.

Isaiah 41: 9-14
"I took you from the ends of the earth, from its farthest corners I called you. I said, ‘You are my servant’; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. “All who rage against you will surely be ashamed and disgraced; those who oppose you will be as nothing and perish. Though you search for your enemies, you will not find them. Those who wage war against you will be as nothing at all. For I am the LORD, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. Do not be afraid, O worm Jacob, O little Israel, for I myself will help you,” declares the LORD, your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel. "
Psalm 46
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging. “Selah” There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall; he lifts his voice, the earth melts. The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. “Selah” Come and see the works of the LORD, the desolations he has brought on the earth. He makes wars cease to the ends of the earth; he breaks the bow and shatters the spear, he burns the shields with fire. “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.” The LORD Almighty is with us; the God of Jacob is our fortress. “Selah”
Psalm 18 - too long to quote.

You are going through a tough season but “Weeping may endure for a night,
But joy comes in the morning.”
Do not be worried about burdening others, I remember when I was a teenager and was going through a rough patch and never told anyone. I did not want to be burden to others, but even more than that I was too proud to admit to others I needed help. Don’t let pride get in the way of asking for help.
You have time, which is a great gift. Time to read the bible and pray, time to work on your job skills and prepare for the rest of your life. The bible says to think about good things and not dwell on bad things. It also says to pray instead of worrying. When I was going through a time of acute anxiety, prayer was a big help. Don’t focus on the problem, focus on God. Reading Phillipians was a big help to me as well.
Try not to despair about your health, remember this world is not our home, and this body is just temporary.
God loves you and many other people do as well. Reach out and don’t go through this alone.

I’m sorry you’re going through such hard times. If your health allows it, could you do something to help your parents? (Light housework, addressing Christmas cards, decorating the tree, anything.) If you’re not up to it, tell your parents how much you appreciate all they’ve done and do for you.

I agree about finding a church home. Whether you do or not, you can always pray.

Puddleglum–awesome post and username combo. (For those who don’t know what I’m talking about, Puddleglum is a character in The Silver Chair, by C. S. Lewis.)

You seem to have a bunch of troubles piling up.

Although the trouble with the will is sad, you have no responsibility for causing the trouble and only so much duty to try to mitigate it. I’m guessing that “the other side” means . . . well in my family it would mean that Grandpa had remarried and the new wife got everything. Does it mean that he’s chosen some of his children to inherit and disinherited others? Whatever it means, it’s sad but not your fault.

If you’re having symptoms that could be MS, you have my sympathy. Again, though, this isn’t something you’re doing deliberately and it isn’t your fault. I hope that it isn’t MS, because MS is a real downer. Don’t feel guilty that your parents are worrying, that’s what parents do.

I’m sorry that your friend isn’t grabbing life and shaking it into submission. That is also not your fault. But it does sound like you could really use some more social resources - more friends, more contacts. The advice to contact church people is good. Using any community resource would be good, but your reference to “the boonies” leads me to believe that you may have to look hard to find any.

I have to ask if you had made plans for what you would be doing after high school. Are there plans that have been derailed? You may have to look for work outside of your community. Even if you’re feeling guilty about talking about other things, it might be relatively easier to ask people about where you could be looking for work or how they found their job.

Any excuse to be out and about and having conversations with people should be grabbed. Especially conversations with people that you don’t know well.

Sorry to hear your situation. I find prayer helps me a lot in similar situations. And remember Job, if he could persevere, it’s certainly possible for anyone to persevere. As bad as things seem now, someday something better will come, even if you have to wait for the next life. But hopefully you won’t need to wait that long. Have faith, and maybe think about talking to a pastor or preacher or someone else outside the family you feel comfortable with for guidance or even just to vent. If they see that as you burdening them, they’re not being very Christ like.

Same thought here and I’ll throw some prayers in as well.

Apparently we lack empathy.

Would you expect any more from a heathen?

I’d expect you to not come barging in and making it all about you.

Well, generic or editorial “you”, obviously, not “you” specifically.

I was also surprised, as a non-Christian, to see the topic of this thread. I expected it to be questions about Christianity, not a request for help. But I will try to offer some help despite my religion.

First, GiJow007, don’t be afraid to reach out to your friends, family, and communities for support. God expects us to help each other. Certainly talk to your pastor. Perhaps you can find a small group in your church that could be supportive. Reach out to your other communities, as well, such as this message board. And don’t give up on connections if you don’t have to. For example, your family:

I’d like to second this. Can you reach out to other family members to make peace? Or at least to reconcile yourself with the ones who inherited?

As to the rest of it, none of what you describe is your fault. The economy sucks. All too many good people are having trouble finding work. Put yourself out there and apply, but try not to get too depressed about it. Perhaps in the meantime you can do some volunteer work. It won’t put food on your table, but it will help other people, and it will help you develop skills that might be transferable to employment. My husband was a stay-at-home dad for years, and in his free time, he was a volunteer webmaster for various groups. He got to be really good at web development, and also made connections in the community of web developers, and now that our children are grown, he is working full-time as a web developer. But even if you just serve food at a shelter or something similarly low-skilled, it gets you out, interacting with people, and feeling valuable.

Best wishes!

This is good advice.
Volunteering can be so rewarding by giving your life will become valuable to you. It already has value to those around you.
Attending a church youth group is also a good idea. But you say you live in the boonies, if you mean outside of the city there still should be a church youth group. But if you mean you live outside of a town that is still the boonies then the church youth group may be one or two people and will not feel your needs as well. But please do look and check it out.

And if you are lonely and just need someone to talk to please come back here. In any case please let us know how you are doing.

This site may help you

My first advice to anyone in this situation, regardless of religion: What is something you can do? Identify a problem and then fix it.

It might be as simple as saying “I want to reconnect with my family. Screw the will and the divisions, I’m picking up the phone and dialing.” This really is the problem that is most easily fixable right now, at a low cost. If you want it fixed, start dialing. (or e-mailing, or even sending Christmas cards).

You mention being out in the boonies. Is it time to take a major step of faith and get yourself into a metropolitan area where you have better prospects? I don’t know… pray and seek advice on that one. that’s a big choice.

What you do doesn’t have to be big. What about spring cleaning on the house? Many people feel better when they live in a space that is clean, neat and fresh-smelling. Take an afternoon and apply some elbow grease. You have the time, and even a small accomplishment can do a lot for how you feel.

The key is not really about what you do, it’s about doing. Find and do anything that is a planned coursed of action. Do not allow yourself to simply accept all of this the way it is. Don’t get stuck thinking that what you feel matters - in the long run, what you feel will follow what you do. (Unless, perhaps, there’s a mental health issue like depression, in which case, what you do is go see a doctor.)

One of the steps you should take is to find fellowship with other Christians. Church is the traditional approach, but sitting in a pew listening to a sermon is not fellowship (not in and of itself, anyway). Volunteer your services. Participate in a small group Bible study. Find a pastor, an elder or a counselor to talk to. See if the church leadership can help with other problems like the job situation. Churches also have events that might involve and/or help your friend with the drug problem.

Lastly, go read the book of Ecclesiastes. It’s not that long, and if it doesn’t help put things in perspective, go read it again. :slight_smile:

Thanks everyone, for taking the time.

I and my immediate family have tried repetitively to reach out and resolve issues with the extended family, but for reasons too complicated to fully explain here, these efforts are to no avail.

On a different note, I have found some seasonal work, so this is great news!

Yeah, I’ve been down in the dumps for months, but I’m no quitter. Don’t sweat, folks, I’ll make it.

Thanks again for posting, people. Have a Merry Christmas.