Christmas: I don't feel comfortable doing the whole gift giving thing anymore.

In My Humble Opinion
21

Our family has a number of fun traditions that help.

We give charitable gifts in each other’s names. I even do this with my grandchildren - who have absolutely no needs for presents that are not already met. We sit down with a gift catalog for World Vision or Samaritan’s Purse and pick out what they want to give - baby chicks, or goats, or a well, or feeding a baby for a week. Then we cut out the pictures and make a display that goes under the tree. They look forward to this. We’ve done it since they were 3 or 4. The oldest is now 12.

We give practical gifts - like paper towels, zip lock bags, band aids, windshield washer solvent, fly swatters, etc. - these are fun to unwrap, totally practical and cheap. We did this because some of us missed opening stuff.

Then we get together and watch “bad” holiday movies…

22

Agree wholeheartedly with the OP.

Mrs. C and I have arrangements similar to the OP’s with family and friends, for the same reasons. Christmas and Birthdays. Hasn’t been a problem for anybody yet.

Exceptions are young children, and those rare occasions when you come across some object/event that would obviously surprise and please the recipient. “Suprise” meaning something they wouldn’t know they wanted until after it had been given to them.

23

I, too, got irritated with unwanted “things” given to me, and then having to pretend gratefulness. “No, I do not want a George Foreman grill.” “No, I do not want a Keurig.” “No, I do not want that tool set.” My In-Laws make no effort to know or understand me or my kids and instead give stuff no one wants or needs that THEY think they would want or like. It creates a burden for the receiver of such gifts to either dispose of them or give them away. My family wont change.

My new strategy is to start talking about the things I do want and/or need - EARLY, like after Halloween. Start dropping hints or just coming out and telling people the things you want them to give you. “Yeah, I need a new pair of cycling shorts.” “That light jacket in the catalog looks nice!” “REI is having a sale on winter socks this week.”

My wife does not like this approach, but after almost 25 years of marriage, we don’t need to surprise each other any more - she hates surprises anyway. I just come out and ask her what she wants, so she has something to open under then tree.

24

If you have to give a gift, consumables like food or wine are the way to go. And if you don’ know someone well enough to know what kind of food or wine they like, then you probably shouldn’t be giving them gifts anyway.

25

I don’t get that. If anything, no kids makes this easier. Adults aren’t all awake Christmas Eve dreaming of presents.

The way we got out of it was slowly. After much discussion, we switched to Secret Santa. After a few years we switched to “cadeau voleur”, which is game where everyone brings a present and you take turns either selecting or stealing a present. Nowadays, no presents at the big family gathering.

26

Sure, it’s great when you chance upon that perfect gift, like those cufflinks were for you. But what if the recipient doesn’t wear shirts with French cuffs (or whatever you call the type of shirt that requires cufflinks)? Then it’s still a thoughtful gift but not one that will be useful. And if it just gets stuck in a drawer somewhere, it’s still a waste of money, even if it was less than a tenner. And of course it’s rare that you chance upon the perfect gift.

So I’m with those who prefer no gifts. As said, most of us are able to afford the stuff we need and I in particular am really choosy in what I want to buy. Like I’m thinking about a Roomba or equivalent robotic vacuum cleaner for my apartment but will probably do some research and carefully choose the one I want, rather than just whichever one the gifter choose.

27

My family (all middle aged or older, no children) has pretty much given up on the gift giving. There were a couple of half hearted attempts at “Secret Santa” type things, but they failed (having one or two people slack and someone else try to pick up the slack behind them is uncomfortable at best).

It is both a relief and kind of sad. I don’t miss trying to find the right present for everyone (or even for 1 person which is actually more pressure). But there’s something kind of nice about the idea of Christmas presents, even if they kind of stop living up to their promise once you hit a certain age.

You should talk to your family and throw the idea out there. Or possibly throw out the idea of spending money on charity if all of you are in the financial position to give money. Also - come up with an alternative activity. Christmas present exchanges take more time than you think. If you’re not doing that, you need to plan on doing something else for the chunk of time you’d all be unwrapping gifts, showing them off, and thanking each other.

28

My wife and I just give each other presents whenever the mood hits us, or when we see something we think they would like. It seems more personal that way.

29

I really like getting gifts, because I’m absolutely shallow and materialistic and like possessions a lot. I’m a collector of multiple types of things and when people get me something I want it makes me happy because it shows that they care I exist and they respect me enough to want to get me something I want.

Presuming, of course, that they go to the minimal effort to get me something off of my christmas list.

I have a sister that doesn’t believe in wish lists - not having one, not buying things based off of them. She thinks that reading a wish list is like being ordered around, and prefers to pick up things that she finds on her own, that she decides on her own initiative would be good gifts.

Which is a nifty idea in theory but in practice she would give people cheap crap they didn’t want.

After the pattern became clear there was open mockery when gifts from her were opened - which she wasn’t aware of, since she lived in a different state from everyone else and would mail things. My mom tried to get us to stop the mocking since it was mean, but the consistent awfulness of the gifts wasn’t to be denied.

I wasn’t amused, though, since (as noted) I consider respecting my wishes to be a sign of respect - and disrespecting my wishes is (thus) an insult. After a certain point I revealed my dissatisfaction to her, hoping she would get with the program and look at the damn lists I was sending her (like everyone else did). She refused. Things got heated. It got ugly. After a certain point we agreed to just stop exchanging gifts entirely.

Which is great! She now, finally, is giving me exactly what I’m asking of her: Nothing.

I do feel a little bad for her kids though - I’m a great gift-giver, and they’re deprived of that due to the family-level gift embargo. But there’s no way I’m going to poke that beehive again.

With everybody else, though, it all works great: I give them all lists, and they all give me a list - if they want to get anything, anyway. (If you don’t give me a list I’ll get you exactly what you asked for: nothing.) Piles of gifts exchanged, everybody enjoys opening them, fun is had by all, adults and kids alike.

(Okay, there are some hiccups - all my dad wants are Regal Cinema gift cards, so he gets a pile of Regal Cinema gift cards. Laaaaame. But whatever; at least he’s participating, which for him is saying something.)

30

Can’t do it. I didn’t give gifts most of my childhood, since I didn’t have money. Now that I do have a little bit, I enjoy the hell out of finding stuff. And I myself enjoy things given to me much more than if I just bought them myself. Even when it’s obvious what I’m going to get, since it’s the only thing anyone knows I want.

Maybe when I get older, I’ll feel differently. Or maybe I’ll actually have some kids around to give gifts to.

31

I like to channel my holiday shopping into charities. The local women’s shelter, the “giving tree” at the grocery store, etc. Give to people who really need stuff and will appreciate it. Spirit of the season and all that.

32

In our family the grandparents buy gifts for the parents and grandkids.

But the parents only buy gifts for the grandkids and grandparents. We don’t buy for each other.

33

I sort of forced this on my family, and now it’s fine. I give gifts to my young nieces and that’s it.

Glad to see this thread because I thought I was sort of alone in this preference. Upon reaching adulthood, I’ve always found it embarrassing to receive gifts. I’ll gladly take a friend or relative out to dinner or on an outing of some kind for whatever occasion, but I don’t do gifts anymore.

34

actually in my family if my aunt didn’t buy all the adults clothes they wouldn’t have any since they never bother buying them themselves …… but she overdoes it and we have 50 million gadgets and doo-dads lying around that never get opened …….

35

Talk to them about it. We got to that point some years back as the people we cared about got older or passed away and made the decision to back a couple local toy drives instead. And we let the people know it and why. So instead of some silly exchange they got a Christmas card with a picture of a bike and some toys provided in their honor. Its also helped as others have died and we’ve continued the giving in their honor as well. A few other relatives have adopted the same thing and I hope it grows; it just feels better to us come December 25th.

36

Fortunately for me/us, my side of the family has a long-standing agreement that gifts are only for the kids. (Traditional college students still count, but they get things like gas station or grocery gift cards, or high-quality engravings from the US Mint.)

My in-laws like the ritual of gift exchange, so they get pictures of the kids or photo calendars of the kids every Christmas. (I outdid myself about 4 years ago, with a 12-month calendar of “stupid places your grandchildren fell asleep this past year.”) We only accept consumables and family heirlooms and socks from them.

Between us, I solved the husband/wife gift issue a few years ago. Tony and I asked one another what we wanted, and couldn’t come up with anything we could realistically afford that we didn’t already have. So we chose recipients from the local mission, and spent what we’d have budgeted for bullshit gifts for one another. It was a lot more satisfying to find useful, meaningful gifts for a couple of homeless teenagers than it would have been to buy my husband another shirt or flashlight.

I still fill our Christmas stockings, because the daughters are little and Santa is real, but it’s a lot more fun to wrap up a good jacket or a job/college interview outfit for a kid who needs it than to choose yet another sweater or golf shirt for a middle aged person who already owns a lifetime supply of shirts and sweaters. (And the wish lists from the homeless kids are so heartbreakingly basic: a pair of jeans. A jacket. Body lotion. Shoes. No, compared to that, I don’t think I want the latest kitchen gadget or another sweater.)

37

I’d like to add this statement to my own (#22). Less frequently, we do the same with a couple of particularly close friends/family members, and it’s explicitly understood there is to be NO keeping score.

38

I’m a woodworker and I can make some pretty cool, one of a kind items, that go over pretty well. Besides, I LIKE making them and I have to get rid of my work somehow. So thats the only thing I “gift”.

Now if someone sees something unique and is a truly “I thought of you” type item like a book or shirt, I like that.

39

My husband’s side of the family long ago quit exchanging gifts - largely because of the costs. Instead, we’d all get a $10 gift and someone would invent a game involving trading, stealing, hoarding, whatever till everyone had a silly something to open. It was a lot of fun and not stressful at all. My husband and I quit giving each other gifts on any occasion ages ago.

I tried to get my sibs to agree to the same, but with less luck. I have one sister who insists on buying gifts for everyone - she finished her shopping in October. This is going to sound snotty, but she mostly shops at dollar stores, so not only are the gifts unwanted, but they’re crap. One year it was yet another mug, but filled with candy that turned out to be inedible. She also gives dollar store ornaments, even tho I’ve told her repeatedly that we don’t decorate - haven’t had a tree in 14 years.

This year things might be a bit different - we’ve got two new babies in the mix, and while they’re way too young to know what’s going on, indulgent aunts and uncles will shower them with all sorts of things. I’m fine with that. I’ll just be glad when January gets here.

40

Had this talk with family a few years ago. No little kids left and the nieces and nephews have better cars, shoes and phones than I do. Even $50 ain’t gonna make a difference to them. We’re done.