Does your family do anything "different" when exchanging Xmas gifts?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

When my siblings and I were little, the Christmas gift-giving situation was simple - everyone bought a present for everyone else, and Santa brought presents for the kids. Now that all of us (excepting grandkids) are past 30, this has come to be a less sensible arrangement. While none of us is rich, everyone is comfortable and has an established household, i.e., no one really needs a toaster or a set of dishes. Over time, this gradually turned into a headache of “What in the world can we get for ____ this year?”

Having agreed about ten years ago that it was time to modify the old pattern, my family has tried several things. First we drew names from a hat, and you bought only one present (stocking stuffers are a separate thing that everyone contributes anonymously) for the person whose name you drew. This was okay, but people got bored with it. For a couple years people literally made holiday decorations to exchange, but very soon complaints arose that a craft project was too much work to add to the busy holiday season, particularly since some people are more crafty than others. Last year there were a couple more propositions, for instance: everyone gets the same thing. That is, if the theme is “calendar”, you choose a person at random and give them a calendar they’d like, or the theme is “t-shirt”, and everyone gets a t-shirt that (presumably) suits them. These suggestions have been met with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. Last year we tried “everyone buys one more or less generic gift and you pick a wrapped package at random”. This was not a disaster, but it was certainly not a resounding success either. I came up with nothing better than: “Make a donation to a charitable organization on that person’s behalf,” which seems lackluster, at best. If I really care about a cause, I’m probably already making a donation myself, and I don’t think that a relative saying, “I gave $20 to The Humane Society in your name!” is really going to make people feel that excited, no matter how righteous the cause. I am a fairly serious person, but still, part of Christmas presents is supposed to be fun, right?

I therefore put this before the SDMB and ask for any ideas you have as to what a family could do for a gift exchange. (There has been ominous talk in the past about “we should just not give any gifts”, which I find just plain wrong - part of the fun of Christmas is giving and getting presents, no matter how small.) Does your family do anything unique or different in regard to exchanging gifts at Christmas? Or can you think of anything besides the typical “I give you a gift, You give me a gift” that might be adapted for another family?

Here’s our particular situation:

We have 13 adults, ranging in age from 18 to 73. There are also two children, boys 2 and 4, but they will simply receive presents from everyone, so they aren’t a factor.

Everyone lives at scattered locations within a 300 mile radius and has typical obligations to both work and in-law families, so it is not feasible to expect everyone to be there for more than one day all at once, which eliminates things like “take a trip together“.

The typical “big” gift in our family costs $20-$30, while stocking stuffers cost a dollar or two. While many among us could now afford to spend a little bit (though not a whole lot) more, the low-key approach grew out of our childhood, when a family of eight necessarily meant that gifts were not too elaborate or expensive, and no one in the group now has any desire to start inflicting upon people the obligation to spend a couple hundred bucks on a Christmas present.

Any ideas? Or, if not ideas, any fun Christmas stories you want to relate?

2

Gotta love John Waters.

DaLovin’ Dj

3

We don’t do anything exciting, our family is small enough that everyone gives everyone something. We pass out lists to make selection a bit easier. But then with only 4 people, coordination is fairly easy; with 13 people you would invariably get the same thing from 3 people.

You could do a regular name-drawing, but each person could also bring a fun gift for a white elephant exchange. This can make for a really fun event.

4

Well, it’s hard to follow DaLovin’DJ< but to the matter at hand. . .

As my family got bigger and more spread out, we decided to do gifts for the kids only. Unfortunately, my sister’s kids left home and she wound up sending out a bunch of gifts and getting nothing back. My other sister and I felt bad, so we started sending her gifts and the whole thing unraveled.

Mrs. Kunilou’s family had the “draw a name out of a hat” system. However, her family is so big that many of the in-laws didn’t even know the person whose name they drew.

5

We usually do the draw names and everybody buys stocking stuffers thing that cygnus mentioned. In addition, spouses usually buy a gift for each other (my husband and I usually buy a big thing for both of us.) Now that there are little kids everyone also buys stuff for them. My Dad also traditionally gets a book, which he can fall asleep reading after Christmas dinner.

The only other tradition is to remind Dad not to buy anything on his list before Christmas. This was instituted the year my Mom had to return three gifts she had bought, over the course of a week.

6

Here’s what we do:
The little kids get a present from everybody. The adults and teens do the following:

  1. Everybody get together on Xmas eve or the day before (Xmas day we have the dinner-at-grandma’s-house)
  2. Everybody brings one wrapped gift, “real” or gag, value around $10-$15.
  3. Pile up all the gifts, and everybody draws numbers out of a hat.
  4. Person that drew #1 picks a gift from the pile and unwraps it.
  5. Person that drew #2 can
    a.)pick a gift from the pile, or
    b.)take away #1’s gift. If b.), #1 takes another from the pile.
    6.) Person that drew #3 can pick one from the pile, or take away #1’s or #2’s gift.
    7.) Continue, each person either picking a gift from the pile or stealing from anyone that’s already had a turn. If someone gets a gift taken away, they get another turn (take one from someone else or pick a new one from the pile). A gift can be “stolen” no more than twice.

It’s fun and (almost) everybody gets something they like (from the taking-away-from-others).

Does that description make any sense?

7

This works for my family, but we’re a pretty low-key kind of bunch; nobody is apt to feel slighted if for any reason, they don’t get a gift.

Here’s the ultra-simple yet exceedingly clever scheme my family uses:

If you feel like buying a gift for person X, you do it. If you don’t feel like it, you don’t.

To further explain: If I happen to be shopping and see something I think Sister-In-Law #2 would like and it’s in my price range, I buy it. If not, I don’t worry about a gift for her. Some years I feel nostalgic and buy stuff for everyone; other years I feel cash-strapped and buy something for my parents only.

The same thing works in reverse, too. Some years I get stuff from Brother #3; some years I don’t. I don’t get jealous if Brother #3 bought something for Sister-In-Law #1, but not for me. That’s just the way it goes.

Granted, some personalities just would not work with this plan. I like it because I think it truly embodies the Christmas spirit - I never feel obligated to buy something, and neither does anyone else. Nobody has to stress over Christmas, which is the way it should be - it’s the HOLIDAYS for Christ’s sake! Enjoy them! If you’d rather stay home and sit by the fire with a Tom-n-Jerry than shop, THEN DO IT!

8

My family is large. We’re talking my parents, me and my four siblings, all of us are married, and there are 9 children (ages range from early 20s to 8) plus two late-teenage stepchildren. That’s 23 people! Makes Christmas expensive, since we still like to give gifts for everyone.

It’s also difficult to know what to get some people. So we are required to email each other what we want for Christmas. These lists are due by Thanksgiving or earlier. While this may smack of greedy crassness, it’s merely a practical and helpful gesture.

For instance, last year, I really wanted two books that I saw reviewed in Sports Illustrated. A lot of people might not have even known these books were out there. But I got my books and my parents got me a gift they could be confident I would really appreciate.

Another practical use for these lists is being able to pick gifts that fit your budget. Or it can be an idea-generator. Sure, my brother might want one of those bread-makers, but he’s not getting it from me. I can’t afford it. But, hey, what if I bought him some bread recipe books? I can swing that, and he’ll get the use of it.

Christmas lists are also good for the couples to put down things they both would like for the house. Then a person can kill two birds with one stone and buy a gift for the couple, again, knowing it’s something they really wanted.

9

We open our presents on Christmas Eve, which I think is dumb, but I was outvoted.

Also, my parents are notorious for giving really weird, cheapo presents. One year, my mom wrapped up all of the travel-size soaps, mending kits, shower caps, etc. that she and my dad had collected from traveling for the past few years, and gave one package each to my sister and me.

I must say, though, that the stuff has come in handy.

10

No, no. People exchange gifts after dinner on Christmas Eve, but Santa Claus comes in the morning. It’s very simple.

11

Among the Del family cousins (we’re all adults now), we pick names out of a hat at Thanksgiving, and then buy one gift (I think we say in the neighborhood of $30) for that person.

The interesting part is that we buy each other toys. Legos, Barbies, Hot Wheels, board games, whatever. Some of them are nostalgic toys that we have memories of from our childhood, and some are new toys that look completely cool.

We open them with much excitement, play with them on Christmas, and then we pack them up and donate them to a place that will accept already opened and gently played with toys (not all places do, but our local children’s hospital does, so we usually go with that). There’s usually one or two toys each year that we destroy while playing with – every Christmas we ruin the Nerf Jousting set, which has become a tradition, and we got into a wild fight once over a game of Operation that came to no good end – but most of the toys get put to proper use somewhere else. It’s also a good way to satisfy the urge to buy yourself toys without having them clutter up your house all year.

Some years, a few people pool together to get a BIG toy, if we see something that catches our eye while shopping.

12

If you don’t mind celebrating somewhat earlier than the actual Xmas day, you can all adopt an angel together, or just go shopping together for toys to contribute to a Christmas Charity. As Delphica says, this allows you to buy the toys you crave without having to live with them the rest of the year. ANd collective shopping (make a day of it) is a good way to talk, share memories, etc.

If you are drinkers, everyone could contribute a bottle to the family bar, and you could have a great party with lots of variety. (And probably do it again on the 4th of July with the leftovers.)

I really like Athena’s suggestion the best–it’s how my friends and I do things. Buy something if you think someone would actually recieve pleasure from owning it, but don’t worry about filling in the gaps with “placer gifts” like pencil holders that look like golf balls and shower product kits that contain more shredded paper than soap. (Every year I am amused by the proliferation of “gift items”–things that nobody would buy for themselves, becasue they are obviously not worth having, but that people will by for others, because they have to prove thier affection.

13

My family is large, and most of us live in different states. We have decided to leave the gift giving for our own families (kids). Lord knows how commercialized X-Mas has become and its hard enough to finance our kids long lists. When they get older the lists become shorter but the price goes up! We very rarely see each other, and to be honest my family is a poster candidate for Dysfuntional dysfunction! OH Well…Bah Humbugh!!!

14

I was about to tell you the same thing that Gunslinger did…but, he did it so eloquently!!
[sub]I’m gonna have to print that description out, incase we have any new participants this year[/sub]

Except, I would have to add something…

When we are all in our “places” we then go around the room and describe our gift. For example, let’s say I bring a long container of tootsie roll (anyone remember the containers they use to come in that was also a bank) I would wrap it up beautifully and would describe it as “This is something that almost every woman wants plus it can be used over and over again…and it doesn’t need batteries”
Many times the descriptions are the most hilarious and having people taking gifts away…because we don’t open until everyone has one!! So, we are going on the “description”. The funniest part is that we have a certain pair of “panties” that show up every year…I wonder who’s going to get them this year!!

I know we are a bit weird…but, we have fun!
The little ones, who have already gotten their presents, are usually off playing somewhere.

15

We buy gifts for everyone, but take pride in how cheaply we can get them- “Oh, I love it!” “Thanks! I found it at a garage sale for 15 cents!”

We also tend to buy in bulk- everyone gets the same gift, or one gift for the men and one for the women.

I doubt anyone spends more than $3-$5 on a gift, except for grandma and grandpa.

16

There are 4 DeDay sibs and 4 DeDay in-law sibs, so the 8 of us pick a name out of a hat and that’s who we get a gift for. (Simple, n’est-ce pas?)

Usually the spending limit is about $20. Nothing too pricey.

Then we pick a theme. “Mayhem Christmas” was a hit. Everyone got a Nerf gun or other suitable projectile toy. (The youngest sib was 24 that year.) Last year was “Handmade Christmas”. You have to make a gift. It can be anything, you just have to sew, nake or make it. It went over so well, we did it again for this year.

Next year, I’m lobbying for a “Catalog Christmas”. You pick a name out of a hat and are given a random (yet pre-approved by the group) catalog, and you order your gift to exchange from it. (Archie McPhee, Wireless, Lands’ End, Chefs, Signals are all good catalogs. Depending on your group Vicky’s Secret might be a good addition. It is Christmas after all, you don’t want to get too risqué)

We also have The Pickle. A glass pickle ornament is placed on the tree, and whoever finds it gets the “Pickle Gift” (about $10). The Pickle Finder becomes the Pickle Gifter for next year. And they have to keep track of The Pickle for the whole year. (This is a standard Christmas tradition from somewhere. We just started it in our family a couple years ago.)
-Rue.

17

When we went to Christmas dinner with the neighbors (there were 3 in our family, and 25 in theirs, so they adopted us), the adults did what they called a “Yankee Swap”. It was pretty similar to Gunslinger’s, but with a couple of minor changes:

  1. Each person draws a number.
  2. Person #1 chooses a gift and opens it.
  3. Person #2 chooses a gift and opens it, then:
    .3a. decides to keep it
    .3b. swaps gifts with person #1 (person #1 has no say in this)
  4. Each person then takes their turn, opening gifts and choosing to keep or swap them.
  5. After everyone has opened a gift, person #1 gets a chance to swap if s/he wants.

As you can see, #1 is the best position to be in, while #2 is the worst. We usually agreed on a $25 limit for the gift value, so that the swapping stayed friendly.

18

I just have to say that this group is so awesome. Just reading through all the responses, I have come up with several promising ideas, perhaps blending elements of two things together.

I certainly relate to the sentiment of “buy it only if you feel like it,” but in our family that would mean that certain people would never get a present, while others would get many - not because some people are less popular, but because some are thought of as “easy” - you can find something they would enjoy in any aisle of any store - and others as “impossible” - you can shop for days and not find anything for them. Everyone would feel guilty to see my kind and wonderful brother-in-law sitting there without a single present, while my oldest sister had twelve.

Creaky, my parents give out their collected toiletries, but only on a “donation” basis, not as presents (though I wouldn’t be surprised if they tried it).

RueDeDay, all your suggestions were intriguing and seem to have potential to be incorporated somehow.

Catalogs, toys, projectiles, pickles, descriptions…so many new things to think about. I knew I was asking this question of the right people. I will definitely be ready with something to propose when the family gathers in a few weeks.

P.S. king of spain, you’re right of course.

19

We all email Christmas lists to each other and everyone gets everyone else a gift. We avoid duplication by reporting in to Mom what we’ve gotten. My one brother’s fiancee has been pushing to draw names and have everyone spend their entire Christmas budget on the person they draw (instead of spending $10-$15 each on 11 people, you’d spend $110-$165 on one person (but kids would still get a gift from everyone)).

20

I wish I could get my family to do this…but here’s the problem.

I am the only person who has to buy gifts for everyone. I have two parents, each parent has a brother and my dad’s brother is married and has a daughter; and I also have four living grandparents, thank God.

Not that I would wish any of these people away, but none of my mom’s family buy presents for my dad’s family (except that they get gifts for my cousin, because they like buying kid presents, and she’s 13) and vice versa. I get ten people to buy gifts for…and I don’t make a lot of money.

This year I’m making hand-crocheted dishcloths for my grandmothers, and maybe some tools or cool stuff for my grandfathers, and my uncle gets towels because he eats them or something and every time we go there he has no towels…and my cousin gets something moderately cool that I haven’t found yet…and I’m building my parents a computer out of my old one, which is still five times faster than theirs, and getting my mom the monitor as a birthday present :wink: But I’m still gonna be really, really broke…sigh

And what do I want for Yule? Knee socks! Good knee socks! Socks that stay up under jeans and skirts and boots and never fall down around my ankles! sob

Maybe the kitty* will bring me some…

Corr, *who didn’t get Santa presents, but did get them from the family pets who picked them out of Santa’s sled for her and signed their names