My sisters, brothers-in-law, husband and I are all well into our thirties now (most of us in our forties, actually), and the gift exchange we are still doing is starting to seem like an exercise in pointless consumption, since we’re all doing fairly well, we all have our own houses full of stuff, and we don’t need anything that we don’t just buy for ourselves as we need it. We have adjusted our gift exchange so we pick names and only buy one gift for each of the adults (kids exempt - they each get a gift from each couple), which is okay, but I’m thinking we can do better, still. (Stopping buying altogether doesn’t seem to be an option to my sisters, and I do like to show some appreciation for my family at least once a year.)
Someone in a different thread mentioned that they don’t buy gifts, but put the money towards renting a cabin together (sorry, I don’t remember who that was), and that sounded like a good idea. I have also thought of donating to charities in each other’s names - I’ll have to see if that’ll fly with my sisters. Any other ideas? Anybody at this point in their lives figured out a good way to deal with this?
So far we still buy for all our adult siblings and just try to find things we know the others would enjoy. Sounds like thats not quite what you’re looking for though.
Big fan of consumables. Like 3# of fancy cashews, or homemade cookies, or homemade soap. Bottle of wine. Nice french silk pie. Things of that nature, especially if it’s a little bit of a splurge. But something that gets eaten or used quickly.
One very large (and wealthy) family that I know used to draw names – children included. The person who drew your name had to actually make your present. But that was the only present that you had to concern yourself with! They had the most extraordinary gifts!
My favorite was part of a tree trunk that was cut so that it was just the right size to sit on in front of the fire (like a stump). Other members of the family had carved their names into the bark. The wood was shellacked and handles were put on the sides to make it easy to lift or carry.
For a couple of years we had “casino Christmas” where everyone would by 10 scratchoff lottery tickets. Then all 100 would go into a pot. Everyone would pull one out of the pot and scracth them off one by one (one of the older nieces would call offf names). We kept track of who won waht in what round (usually end up around $46). I hate gambling but that was a hoot.
Since I’m single and my parents are dead my siblings insist on getting me stuff, so I get them stuff in return. I don’t give anything to nieces/nephews though.
(I do make treats for eveyone at the gathering)
Ooh, good ideas. I like the idea of consumables - my sister is a huge wine-drinker (that doesn’t sound quite right - she likes wine a lot. Okay, that’s not much better. ANYway…), and I’m sure she’d love a good bottle of Shiraz. Gourmet chocolates, gourmet cheeses, those would all be appreciated. It doesn’t reduce our consumerism much, but it would reduce buying junk just for the sake of buying (or alternatively, ending up with a gift certificate exchange).
I like the idea of making the gifts or a casino Christmas, too. I’ll run some of these up the flagpole and see if anyone salutes.
I only have 1 sibling married to an only child (whom I’ve known since childhood). I take them out shopping for whatever they want AFTER Christmas. They take me out shopping. We like to get more for our money and aren’t religiously bound to the holiday anyway.
Either that or I send them Scamazon gift certificates. Take them shopping or email them gift certificates is pretty much how it works for any holiday or gift-giving occasion.
My sibs and I quit exchanging eons ago. What a relief, especially since I’m the one who moved away over 30 years ago - I really don’t know them any longer. My youngest sis was only 8 when I left home. Anyway, it’s a relief because the ones who are financially challenged don’t feel they have to compete with the Porsche-driving Rolex-wearer.
On my husband’s side, we tried the make-all-your-gifts thing, but that can be difficult when you work full time and have kids as well. This year, I think we hit on a winner (we shall see…) Everyone is bringing a gift that costs about $10, all wrapped and unlabeled. We’re going to do the crazy exchange thing where you can steal other people’s gifts if you don’t like what you picked. I’m hoping it’ll be a lot of fun and we each wind up with only one item rather than a pile of stuff we really don’t need. Plus with a retired couple on a fixed income, a minimum wage earner, and a couple who just had to move because one lost his job, there’s not a lot of spare cash floating around anyway.
My married sister likes cooking, gardening, decorating and romantic music.
I’m single, like chess, science fiction, computer games and rock music.
For decades we’ve exchanged polite smiles and ‘uncertain’ gifts.
This year I suggested an amount we should each spend on ourselves, but accept it as a gift from each other.
So now I have a Shania Twain album and my sister is off to the sales!
FairyChatMom, Yankee Swaps are a blast, if occasionally somewhat vicious. Enjoy!
In my immediate family, we just buy for the kids, and we let the kids pick out little gifts for their grandparents. Within the extended family, the same rules apply on my dad’s side. Buy for the kids but not the adults, with the exception of my grandparents, who get practical gifts. Usually gift cards to CVS, Stop & Shop and that sort of thing. (More people should think of this, IMO. The elderly usually need food and prescriptions, not knick-knacks.)
I much prefer it this way. It’s hard to buy great gifts for people you don’t know really well (and by really well, I mean know their likes, dislikes and habits intimately). Lots of people only see their extended families two or three times a year, and have no idea what they collect, or wear, or do for fun. This is how people wind up with holiday themed sweaters. Stop the madness!!!
Wonder if I’ll be able to use the same strategy for other years. I can find stuff quite easily for either Bro and for Mom (little “I thought of you” things, usually; it may just be a metal box filled with candy), but my SiL really makes gift-giving very difficult. For the last couple years, Unmarried-Bro, Mom and myself just assumed that she wasn’t going to like anything we got for her or Married-Bro unless it had been bought with her present so we said “to hell with her” and got Married-Bro things that he loved and would never have bought for himself because she wouldn’t like it if he did. And she’s one of those people who have the cojones to compare how much gifts cost - for my last birthday (another occasion I’ve grown to hate because of the “gifts”) I very sweetly pointed out that hers had actually been the cheapest and cost about 1/4 of my previous gifts to either her or her-hubby-my-bro.
Indeed. If my family won’t agree on any other course than continuing to buy each other random gifts, I may have to opt out of it on my own. I’m really not comfortable with buying just for the sake of buying; maybe I need to explain that to them better. This is a moral issue for me; it’s against my principles.
Two years ago, after my BIL’s mother (the last of the parental generation) died, we officially gave up all exchanging of gifts.
For five years or so prior to that, we did a dollar-store exchange – Everybody got a present for everybody else, but there was a strict $1 limit on all gifts. This meant there was a festive pile of packages, and some time-out from stilted conversation during the opening, but the total outlay was negligible. Sometimes the gifts were fun, or useful, or on-target – and if they were off the wall, what the hell, it was only a buck, no qualms about tossing it.
Back in the days when music came in little silver discs, our family had CD swaps. We all love music and we all knew our muscial tastes well enough to not give any total flops. We still made a point of choosing an album that somehow reflected the giver’s taste (so you are not just giving the person $14 to buy what he wants) and made sure to rip the wrappings so they wouldn’t be exchanged.
I now give my brother a $10/month allowance on iTunes that I “renew” for him (i.e. don’t cancel) every year. The gift is present in his mind the whole year (or once a month, at least) and I get to pay it in twelve easy payments instead of chucking $120 in a single plop in the middle of the most expensive time of the year.
We did a favorite things Christmas a few years ago. No dollar limit, but the gifts were all pretty reasonable. We got household cleaners we wouldn’t have bought ourselves, but worked great! A bacon press. I introduced my sisters to the wonder of OPI nail polish in my favorite (now discontinued) shade.
One thing I really like is that I collect the silver bells for my Christmas tree. So every year my mother gets me the same silver bell - not really a surprise, but something I like. I don’t “collect” them in terms of “I need the same Reed and Barton bell every year and I’m searching eBay for the 1998 one that got misplaced” but more in the “I don’t give a damn about the brand or the year - I like the shiny silver on my Christmas tree.” Therefore, I sometimes get last years bell mom picked up off the sale table.