Chronicle of Ilralalis (Treatykisses)

This is the thread for in-character chronicling a game of Dwarf Fortress, where we will handing off control to different players, each one getting one year to make what they will of it. Things will probably be a little boring the first couple of years, but after that it should get more interesting. More disasters means more entertainment.

Here is the thread that describes what is going on.

Dear Diary,

Big day today! I just met up with the expedition leader and he says we will be heading out tomorrow! I am so excited, and so is my mom! She thinks I will do great! Ilralalis (Treaykisses) sounds like such a nice place! We have gathered together our supplies and are going soon! Hooray!

Dear Diary,

We are about halfway there and the worst thing ever has happened! The leader slipped on a marmot and fell down a cliff and into a river! It was kind of funny until the tentacle beast grabbed him and bit off his kidneys! Anyway, the others have said since they all have critical jobs (two miners, two farmers, a lumberjack/carpenter, and a mason/building designer) and I am just a mechanic/engraver that I get stuck being in charge! Can you believe it!

Anyway, I found this old map of the world in the leader’s stuff. Too bad I have no idea where we are on it! I also found the map to our destination. Whoa, no one told me we were going to the “Mountain of Dying”! Screw that! Too late now I guess. I am beginning to wonder if the name of the colony was just a put-on.

1rst of granite (early Spring), 1052
Dear Diary,

We made it today! Looks like there are a whole lot of warthogs, which shouldn’t be a problem, but there is also a giant tiger just across the stream. That worries me a bit.

Anyway, I followed the plan laid out by the original leader and ordered the initial room to be built so we can move the food indoors. Now that I am in charge I am worried about running out of food. I have never done this before!

Dear Journal,

The initial room is finished! I am having one miner to continue to dig out rooms, while the other tunnels for the underground river. The old leader said they had surveyed the area and expect one not too far into the cliff face. The woodcutter is having a great time chopping down trees while the mason and I get some stuff made. The useless farmers are just moving stuff around.

Dear Journal,

Today we struck the river, and I got a kitty (I am calling him Mr Peabody though he doesn’t seem to care)! It’s the best day ever! I am sealing off the entrance to the river so none of the beasties in there can get us.

1rst of Slate (mid Spring), 1052
Dear Journal,

We have been here a month and we have finished up the farm room. The guys are clearing it out while I install the mechanisms for flood control. Everything is going great so far, and I got another kitty (I named him Boo)! The carpenter adopted both of the puppies, and one of the farmers got the horses. The others must be so sad not to have a pet.

24th of Slate (mid Spring), 1052
Uh oh. I think I messed up. We brought a bunch of turtles with us for food and bones and shells and stuff, but we didn’t process them right away and I think they all went bad. Ooops! The farm is up and running though, so I think we will be OK.

20th of Hematite (early Summer), 1052
We just got our first drink brewed. Thank goodness. I just had to drink from the river and water sucks. With any luck none of us will ever have to do that again, it is Dwarven wine for us! I have permanently designated one of the Miners to be a Brewer. He doesn’t seem to like it, but tough for him. He went and dropped his mining pick way out across the river just to show how annoyed he was and no one is going to get it. I may have to appoint a Hammerer if they don’t do what I tell them.

10th of Malachite (mid Summer), 1052
With food taken care of, I am looking to defense. I have created what I call “The Drowning Room.” I have a long channel from the river. When I pull the switch it fills up and floods the antechamber. I love my mechanisms! That should take care of any attacking Tigers or Goblins. Then we can loot the little bastards. I am going to install a drawbridge right before and after this room now to lock them in with the flood.

10th of Galena (late Summer), 1052
A metal smith arrived today, I need to make somewhere for him to go.

25th Limestone (early Autumn), 1052
Damn it. These little bastards never do what I tell them. I said to dig a channel to line a 3 wide road (for defense). Unfortunately they dug it wrong, and now we will have to build like five bridges if we are ever going to have a road. The Mason is going to be stuck on this project until next spring, and it is all that damn Miner’s fault. Well, we will see how much he likes finally connecting up these channels. Every one he finishes is going to send him for a swim. Serves him right.

Supply caravan arrived today. It strikes me that they have a lot of stuff I would like, but we haven’t made a damn thing to trade with them. Nobody told me we were supposed to make stuff! It suddenly occurs to me that the Trade Depot is located in the middle of the Drowning Room… No that is too horrible to think of. Of course, the humans and those damn elves will try to trade next year…

New plan, we need to build up a road as soon as possible so that we can get several big wagons of human goods into the Drowning, er… “Trading” room. I hate those damn humans.

16th of Timber (late Autumn), 1052
I perked up today when my cats had a kitten. A nice break from the hectic schedule of trying to herd cats the rest of the time.

5th of Moonstone (early Winter), 1052
Winter has come, but we will likely have plenty of food. The Brewer will be busy all winter just distilling what we already harvested, and the Kitchen is cooking the wine into biscuits. If only I could keep these little buggers from eating the damn Plump Helmets before we brew them. I have decided to give myself a bigger room to compensate for the difficulties of command. I will spend winter detailing it as soon as I get these traps finished.

I have also begun construction of a target practice room. It is adjacent to the barracks. It’s only entrance is from outside and has a drawbridge controlled from the barracks. There are fortifications between it and the barracks. The idea is that we cart any very dangerous animal (like those giant tigers, or maybe elephants if any ever show up) into the room, and hook up another lever in the barracks to the cage. We then seal up the room with the drawbridge and pull the lever to open the cage. It is now open season and I can plunk away at it to my heart’s content. I have an affinity for crossbows, so I think I would make an excellent marksdwarf. With this room I should be an elite marksdwarf in no time! Fish in a barrel, enemies in a death room, same difference.

28th of Moonstone (mid Winter), 1052
Ha! That idiot miner connected up a channel right when a herd of warthogs were crossing. Boy were they fucking pissed off. The whole herd attacked him and charged right past the front of the Fortress. I was forced to temporarily activate the guard, who made short work of them.

I have seen a group of bonobos wandering about. I wonder if they are friendly.

It is getting lonely here. We need some new blood, but there were no immigrants before winter. I feel this is my fault for not producing enough valuable goods for the Dwarven trade caravan. Oh well, as soon as the humans get here we will have plenty of too-big cloths and armor to sell.

1rst of Granite (early Spring), 1052
Spring is here at last, and as is traditional I will step down from my role as Overseer and pass it on to another. Things have gone generally well. No one has died, we have 499 food reserves and all of my Dwarves are ecstatic with their lot. I have grown to love them, well all except that damn Miner who screwed up our channels. The half dozen swims or so he took and being locked on the wrong side of a channel for a week have made him “Get use to Disaster”. I guess that makes us even. I made peace with him by letting him have one of the kittens from a recent litter.

Anyway, it was all pretty quiet our first year, but that is to be expected. I have drawn up a map of our current Fortress for the next Overseer. Below is a description.

  1. This is the road leading out. Constructions is set but will take a while. A tree has grown up here that will need to felled to complete construction. A miner has also dropped his pick out here.

  2. A small bridge is under construction out here to connect everything up. This is part of…

  3. The animal/goblin traps. All traffic from the North to the South is forced to funnel through both of these two tunnels. I planned on filling them with cage traps. They will be useful for…

  4. The death room. The northwest switch in the barracks controls the drawbridge here (kept up for security when not in use). Place a caged animal/goblin here, hook up the cage to the northeast switch in the barracks (currently unattached to anything), lock him in with the drawbridge, open the cage with the switch, then perforate him from the safety of…

  5. The barracks. When under attack (or taking care of pesky humans) first get everyone inside, then pull the south middle switch to close off the east drawbridge and seal the Fortress. When the enemy is in the drowning room, pull the southwest switch to close it off from the outside world and trap them. Then pull the southeast switch to drown them. We are gonna be rich!

  6. The Drowning/Trading room. Really, it’s all up to you. I smoothed out most of the tunnel leading to the river to prevent tree growth, but one started growing before I could finish. Once it is grown you need to chop it and smooth the ground.

  7. Industry. All of these workshops on the southern side of the main tunnel follow the same pattern: Far south is the workshop, just north of it is storage for materials needed by the workshop, just north of that is finished goods from the workshop. Places likely to have miasma are behind a door.

  8. Main food storage.

  9. Main furniture storage.

  10. Farm. Mostly smoothed out, but there are still some trees growing and a couple spots that need smoothing. Careful not to detail it though! That would be bad unless you want me tantruming.

  11. Main dining room.

  12. Meeting room. Not designated as such yet though. Note that the meeting room dining room and farm are all expandable to the north as much as necessary for a growing fortress.

  13. Individual rooms, everyone has one.

  14. My room. Sure it’s big, but I deserve it and you can’t have it! Make your own and I will detail it for you. I am chronicling our history into the walls. So far that is mostly dwarves sitting around and talking, except for the demon I carved above my bed. It helps me sleep at night.

I have a masterpiece engraving of Mr Peabody in the northwest corner, so whatever you do don’t knock out that wall!

Good luck with your own term as Overseer. I hereby hand power over to you.

Wow that’s impressive 500 food is hard the first year

Note to self; never read and sign contracts before I’ve had enough to drink. Or, maybe when I’ve had too much to drink. Whatever. So yesterday someone comes in looking for a volunteer; something about overseeing fornication, treats and kisses. Of course I jumped at the chance. It wasn’t until we were already on the road before I realized that I had just volunteered to be the overseer of the fortress of Treaykisses. Sigh. Hopefully they have something to drink there.

Arrived at Treaykisses and have to admit that things don’t look too bad. The former overseer met me at the gate, shoved a handful of papers at me, said something about a lever that would flood the trade station then ran off laughing with joy. I’m not sure if this is a good sign or a bad sign.

Note to self; make sure to determine what lever causes what to flood. I’m sure no one around here wants a repeat of the beer tap incident.

Just one day here and already we have a crisis. The brewer says he can’t brew any more drink because he is out of barrels! I have put the entire fortress on high alert until this impending disaster is resolved.

Note to self; find out who is selecting the construction crews for these frontier fortresses and send a strongly worded memo. I ordered the carpenter to make more barrels for the brewer only to have him tell me that he couldn’t because he didn’t have any wood. I pointed out that there was an entire forest outside but he just looked at me blankly until I shoved an axe into his hand, led him outside and pointed to about 20 trees. Left to themselves these dwarfs don’t seem to want to do anything except carry rocks back and forth.

Figured out which lever flooded the farm room and prepped the fields for planting. Hopefully the farmers will start planting soon. Once they quit carrying rocks around.

Note to self; remember to lock the door to my bedroom when I go out. I came back in this evening to find a horse in my bedroom. I have ordered the miners to start clearing an area for a kennel; if we’re going to have all these critters running around in here we may as well train them to do something useful.

Note to self; remember to review what these dwarfs are supposed to be working on. Progress on the kennel room was moving slowly and, on review, I saw that one of the miners was doing nothing but sitting around in his room all day. It turned out that he was also the brewer and that he had been told to do nothing but brewing. Since our carpenter has apparently gotten lost outside in the woods, the brewer is still waiting on barrels and so wasn’t doing anything. I have gone through the duty roster and made sure that all essential tasks are being covered by at least two dwarfs.

Their favorite still seems to be carrying rocks though.

For whatever reason the last overseer seems to be on an extended vacation.

Well, I’ve made it through one month. Things are going well; the kennel is under construction, the farm is being planted and I have started construction on a bridge across the underground river so that we can start expanding deeper into the mountain. Let’s hope it continues to go smoothly.

End of Granite

If it ain’t engravin or shootin, I don’t want to do it. That dining room looks like it could use some sprucin up.

Work on the kennel has stopped because we seem to be out of whatever kind of stone the mason was using to build it. I have canceled construction and started again using stone we seem to have plenty of.

So some of the dwarfs were complaining about the dining and meeting rooms. I have told one of the stonecutters to work on detailing them a bit. That should shut the whiners up.

We have beer again. The fortress is saved.

A wave of migrants has arrived. Good, maybe there are some skilled workers among them. Work on the bridge is going slower than expected. I have told the miners to start digging out some more bedrooms for them and the carpenter to start work on beds.

There are how many of them?

Our population is now at 30. It would have been 31 but a craftsdwarf fell into the river, couldn’t figure out how to get back out and drowned.

Note to self; review basic water safety regulations.

Note to self; restart construction on the road as soon as possible. Our new arrivals apparently couldn’t figure out how to get to the fortress and so started wandering around through the forest at random. This attracted the attention of a herd of warthogs that chased them all the way to the fortress. I was forced to activate the militia to deal with the problem since apparently all of our traps were unloaded.

A puppy encountered the warthogs on their way to the fortress and gallantly attempted to attack them. Alas, the warthogs struck it down. I have called for a day of mourning for the puppy.

On the plus side, I have finally found something that the former overseer will leave his room for. I have left him in charge of the militia in case the warthogs return.

Note to self: We’re going to need crossbows. Lots of crossbows.

Since we have a greater population I have put a jeweler and a craftsdwarf to work making trinkets for trade.

Note to self: Find out why there is a pickaxe lying in the river to the west of the fortress.

End of Slate

((It’s been a busy weekend; I should be able to finish the rest of the year much faster.))

Things are falling into a routine. I have created a militia consisting of our hunters, a couple of peasants and the former overseer, since he prefers “shooting things”.

We have finished carving out rooms for all the new immigrants. Now to convince the carpenter to create beds for them.

The bridge across the river is finished. I have ordered the miners to continue to explore deeper into the mountain.

At least everyone is keeping busy.

Note to self: These dwarfs seem to spend a lot of time eating, drinking and sleeping. Must be a union fortress.

The month has passed quietly. Hopefully this is a good sign.

Note to self: I did not just say that.

End of Felsite

Summer has arrived and the cave river has flooded. I suppose we should have added a channel to the new tunnel to keep the

flood in check. Oh well, no one hurt and we can use the mudded area as additional farmland.

Note to self: How are we growing all these plants without sunlight?

A kitten that had adopted one of our lumberjacks has been killed by a tiger. Then a pack of our dogs chased the tiger away.

Note to self: Get the kennel set up and training started even if I have to do it myself. I have designated myself “The Dog Whisperer”

A group of human merchants have arrived. Not much to trade except for meat and we have plenty of food right now so I don’t know that we will get anything from them.

Human trade caravan

The humans seemed a bit put out by the body of the dwarf still lying in the channel near the end of the road. I have ordered construction of a graveyard.

End of Hematite

Those human merchants are still here? How long are they planning on staying?

Note to self: Check beer stockpiles.

One of the miners has hit ore we can use to make brass. I have told the smith to start processing it.

Note to self: Is this a group of colonists or schooldwarfs?

The metalworker says he can’t make brass because he needs charcoal. The wood burner says he can’t make charcoal because he doesn’t have any wood. The carpenter doesn’t have any wood because he used all of it to make barrels for the brewer. Well, at least someone has their priorities straight. I led the woodcutter back outside and pointed to another set of trees for him to cut down. I’m tempted to just tell him to cut down every tree in the forest, though that would probably piss off any elves in the area.

Note to self: Why do I care what the elves in the area think, really?

Our miners have encountered a chasm deep in the mountain. I have ordered a bridge built to span it.

Great. Zon Oddoimith, one of our fisherdwarfs, has gone into a strange mood and taken over the craftdwarfs workshop. He’s in there drawing pictures of shells on every available surface. Unfortunately, we don’t have any shells. I ordered a door put on the workshop and the door locked. Zon didn’t seem to care, he just drew shells on the door.

Maybe our remaining fisherdwarf will catch a turtle. Yeah, right.

The fisherdwarf just told me that the cave river is out of fish. Why does Armok hate us?

I have ordered construction of an archery range so the militia can start training. I’ll have to build another craftdwarfs workshop since Zon is locked into the one we have now. I have started construction on the far side of the river.

Note to self: Why are those human merchants still hanging around?

End of Malachite

The new workshop is operational. We are now making crossbows and bolts.

Just in time too, the woodcutters have been attacked by warthogs again.

Note to self: I hate warthogs.

Most of the warthogs were either killed by the militia or caught in traps. Except for one. That one kept running back and forth through the northern trap channel. Whenever a dwarf would go up there to reset the trap in the channel it would see
the warthog, drop the cage it was carrying and run back to the fortress. Then another dwarf would go up to retrieve the dropped trap, see the warthog and run back. Right now there are about four cages lying on the ground, the trap is still unset and the warthog is still in the channel.

On the other hand, we have two caged warthogs in storage now. I wonder if we can butcher them?

((Gameplay note: I kept trying to add more traps to the channel but the game kept saying I didn’t have any traps. I kept telling the various workshops to produce more traps but they kept canceling the orders because they were missing something. I never did get any more traps built.))

Those merchants finally left. Finally. I wonder if the warthogs will follow them.

In an effort to get more workshops up and running I have built a loom and a clothing shop. This will let us use those cave spider webs that are around everywhere to create bags.

Zon Oddoimith just went insane. I’ve left the door to the craftdwarfs workshop locked. Hopefully his screaming won’t bother the others too much.

One of the militia finally got that last warthog. Ham steaks for everyone!

The bridge across the chasm is complete. The miners are digging again.

End of Galena

The miners have hit a vein of silver ore. I have ordered them to take the time to dig out the vein before continuing and have ordered the metalworker to start processing the ore.

Zon, our insane dwarf, has now taken off all his clothing and scattered it around his workshop. I am certainly glad the door is closed and locked; I suspect the sight would be too much for some of our more sensitive dwarfs.

Note to self: Why are these horses following me around?

Now our metalworking dwarf is complaining that he can’t make silver bars because he needs charcoal. I must find a way to provide wood for other areas while maintaining the all-important flow of barrels to the brewer. I will assign more dwarfs to tree-cutting duty.

The miners have hit a magma stream. Hmmm… I have an idea.

A dwarven caravan has arrived. I have traded some of our crafted goods for some extra meat, including some turtles. A little late for Zon but at least we will have shells.

((Gameplay note: I somewhat screwed up with the trading. I didn’t realize fast enough that “OFFER” and “TRADE” were two different things and gave away half our trade goods; mostly a bunch of cut gems. Oh well.))

Note to self: The butcher will not process rotten meat. That’s a good thing, I suppose.

Tosid Dakasathel, peasant, has been killed by a giant leopard. And decapitated. Several attempts have been made to recover the body but so far the leopard isn’t letting anyone get close.

Zon seems to have calmed down so I have let him out of the workshop. He went straight to his room, complaining of being hungry and thirsty. Hopefully he will be all right now.

I have ordered the miners to start digging what I am calling the “Scorched Earth” project. We will dig a channel from the magma flow to the outside, using aqueducts to cross the chasm and underground river. We will place floodgates at the magma flow and the outside controled by levers from inside our fortress. Then, if those damned warthogs get too aggressive again, we can flood the outside world with magma and burn them out.

Note to self: Bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

The miners digging for the new project have encountered copper ore.

End of Limestone

Note to self: I don’t know what this means. I’m not sure I want to know what this means.

Urvad Libashtegir, one of our craftsdwarfs, has been taken by a mood and has taken over one of the workshops. He keeps yelling that he needs metal bars and cloth. Fortunately we have both.

The warthogs are back again. Damn warthogs.

Who has scattered clothing through all the bedrooms?

The miners working on Scorched Earth have encountered a waterfall. Apparently the river and the chasm both split into two branches on path I had selected for the magma channel. Oh well, we’ll just build two aqueducts.

Zon Oddoimith has died of thirst. He never left his room after we let him out of the workshop. He has been taken to the graveyard.

Why does Urvad keep yelling for bars and cloth? Both are in storage; the cloth is in the next room. What does he want?

Note to self: Does no one know how to do anything around here? Except for the puppies.

Note to self: Damn warthogs.

End of Sandstone

Absolutely nothing happened this month. Except more warthogs showed up. Damn warthogs.

I have designated my bedroom as the beer storage area. It will save me the time of walking to the dining room.

End of Timber

The warthogs continue to harass our workers outside. I have set the militia on a patrol between the northern and southern channels and they are keeping the situation under control. Damn warthogs.

Urvad Libashtegir has apparently killed himself. Apparently he never did find any metal bars or cloth that he liked. His body was taken to the graveyard.

Project Scorched Earth has encountered a setback. While constructing the aqueduct to carry the magma over the river the opening for the aqueduct was set incorrectly and the aqueduct flooded with water. Fortunately the channels were not complete yet so the entire area did not flood. However, we are being forced to route a new channel around the flooded area. This will delay the implementation of the project.

End of Moonstone

Another of the Project Scorched Earth aqueducts has flooded. I am now going to have to bypass the entire area. This should not be a problem and will allow the project to use only a single aqueduct to cross the river. Still, it will be necessary to be careful when constructing the channels now so as to be sure not to flood the entire fortress.

Vucar Nunokalth, one of our masons, has been killed by a giant leopard. The leopard even has a name now; Nileskobem. I dispatched the militia but the leopard has retreated somewhere to the south.

Note to self: I feel a strange mood coming on. I think I’ll lock myself in this workshop for a while.

End of Opal

Zun Kadoleshton, a jeweler, was ambushed by a giant rat. Fortunately he was able to defeat it.

I have finished my masterpiece, a Acacia ring. I call it Tecakonol Sogdol Akath.

Note to self: Figure out what “Tecakonol Sogdol Akath” means.

The fisherdwarfs tell me that the underground river is out of fish again.

The warthogs have attacked again and I have dispatched the militia to deal with them. Damn warthogs.

And with that it is time for me to turn the fortress over to my successor. For me, I’ll train the puppies and brew the beer, since the puppies are the only ones with any sense around here and the beer is needed to understand everyone else around this place.

Just keep an eye on the warthogs. Damn warthogs.

End of Obsidian

Final status

I can’t believe you let the damn humans get away. Look at all the great stuff they had!

State of the fortress address
Okay, okay everyone thank you all for attending It was a hard fought campaign and I am gratified you have chosen me. My ‘let’s pound some steel’ platform was a change from the incumbant’s ‘lets’s play with the puppies’ and the previous guy’s ‘let’s play with the kitties’ strategies. You all know me. I’m a steel pounder, my daddy was a steel pounder, my grand daddy was a steel pounder, my great grand daddy was a steel pounde, my great great grand daddy was a necrofiliac toe jam farmer as 'm sure you all remember my opponent bringing up, but my great great great grand daddy was a steel pounder, and so on. So that’s what we’re gonna do. Let’s stop wasting time with unrequired crap and focus on everybody focus only on Pounding steel, Hereby designated job one!

What? Well yes …obviously we need to have someone dig out the ore to be pounded, digging is part of job one.

And onto… Yeah you in the beard there… well yeah food is essential too if we all starve there will be no pounding done at all, Job one deffinitions include all food gathering and creation activities.

Yes, yes, beer too.

And bed making. I know how much your bones ache after a day of steel pounding beds to sleep in do fit under job one.

Um yeah, I guess… That too… well sort of I suppose… of course I know the bed arn’t made out of air.

Okay, okay, okay as I was saying. Job one, our only priority consists of Pounding metal, digging caves, farming, harvesting, cooking, trapping, butchering, fishing, barrel making, brewing, bed making, table making, chair making, door crafting… Oh, screw you guys, Im gonna go pound metal do what ever you want.

Week one status report Disaster! Apparently one of our jewlers seemed to think he is a mermaid or something, cause he tried to walk through water filled caves and died, The some pets came after him and died too. Now I’ve looked into the issues of the southern area, but all I found was this report in crayon called “Dumzday Wepon” Which appears to be a warthog swimming in cherry jello or something. I can’t quite figure it out, but for now we will put a door at the southern entrance to the caves of watery death so no one else is tempted to take a short cut.

** Weekly status report **
Some idiot has shown up and claimed he is the manager, and brought a sherriff with him. Now I pretty much guess these two will not be of any use in the pounding steel area, but try not to piss them off too much, okay?

** Week 6 status report**
Okay people I have made this pie chart as a visual representation of what the issue of work efficiency I have been complaining about. You will notice all these little slices coded in red. Reviewing the addendum you will see that red is an “essential function” ,such as food preparation, clesing up corpses and so on The chart doesn’t even show any yellow coded entries, those would be “important” functions related to crafting. No work is being done in those areas, and job orders are going unfilled. Now if you look at this huge slice of the pie, the vast majority really it is coded grey or “non-essential” You will notice that about 85% of the work being done in this fortress is carrying rocks around. Again carrying rocks has not been designated important area of our society. S if you rock carriers wouldn’t mind focusing your energies more on the red and yellow areas, we can stop having the meetings. Now I don’t know if this is some kind of rock carrying cult I have stumbled into, however this administration supports freedom of religion. But please, all rock carrying for personal reasons should be done only after the work day is completed.

** Weekly status report**
Okay the road is finished, not too fancy but for some reason the constitution of this place requires an ugly road.

In I have reports that the trapper ‘Reg’ has been filling his quota, and I don’t seem around today either. Claimed a workshop you say?.. MUmbling to himself you say?.. Hasn’t blinked in weeks you say…? Well I don’t know…

ohh, I have reports the humans are coming, looks like we finished the road just in time

** Special status report meeting**

It looks like our intial kitty loving director made a decent choice after all. There’s gold is this here mountain, and it’s in a huge vein right next to the iron vein we have been extracting.
Beer all around, great job guys!!! If we can get some magma forges down there we can really start pumping out the steel products and gold. This walk to work is killing me,

Late summer Weekly status report

Okay by summing the required total in column C, with the realized but not recognized aggregate in column G we can …Great Fricken Barbra Streisand Ummm Bronzy… and coppery… and spiky … meeting over.

Unofficial meeting minutes

Get the hell away I’m workin’ here get get get go!!

Mid winter status report

Drum roll please… TADA!!!
Here it is!! … hat do you mean what is it? … It’s Libashoth, duh. And we really needed it deserately!

Final weekly status report And it appears or metal forge production is down for the last several weeks. The report says due to cause 345/G. Let me look that one up… Ahhh Crazy dwarf metalsmith seized Magma forge and kicked everybody out. Not that old excuse again. Oh well It’s looks like my term is coming to an end here pretty soon. It has been good working with you all and I wish you the best of luck. After getting the steel producing infrastructure in place I will be concentrating on steel pounding from now on and will not seek re-election. The next sucke… Um I mean democratically elected leader should find plenty to keep him busy.

okay I think I got the save file up. Try this, the security should be open.


Got the save. Playing now!

Dear Diary,

I knew things would be slow for me at first, but not this slow. Two months as a janitor for the Cavern of Foreign Affairs, and those do-nothing layabouts have yet to recognize my gifts as a diplomat! Complaints do not befit a foreign official, however; I shall force them to recognize me through subtlety and guile. I’ve been sneaking corn from my plate every evening and using it to build a statue of our noble king… once it’s finished, they’ll have to acknowledge my gifts. They’l have to!

Big news! The boss finally called me in… I don’t think he’s seen my statue, but I’ve been sneaking my patented rat corpse deodorizers into his boots every day, and it finally payed off! Wolfman has formed a steelworkers union and apparently gone on strike, and a new ruler is needed to fill the vacuum. They told me that the place needs someone who can “sympathize with the popular culture,” but I think I must’ve misheard them… these progress reports are growing somewhat more disturbing with each passing month, and I fear that at least half of the population seems to be completely and utterly insane. Ah well, a fortress is a fortress.

I think they must put something in the laborer’s food when they’re children… I was nice enough to write charts detailing everybody’s jobs and responsibilities, but all they want to do is eat, drink, and sleep. I’ve tried kicking them awake, but they just end up going back to sleep the moment my back is turned!

In other news, that crazy metalsmith has finally come to his senses. He seems to be very proud of the Copper Ring he made… I hope it was worth the trouble. I’ve begun to careful scrutinize each and every dwarf under my command, and I intend to send the laziest in to give his workspace a very, *very *thorough scrubbing. I can barely abide the living quarters when the sane dwarves populate them, so I’d hate to see what that magma forge must smell like. There are no rats to make deoderizers with, but we have a large surplus of bonobos sneaking around outside the fortress. I’m sure that, as the genius I am, I shall be able to deploy my Dead Monkey Deodorant within a month.

There’s too much water in this place for my liking… I think I shall have to have a word with the local engineers about channeling magma into that Room of Death everyone seems so frightened of. (Note to self: what would happen if we put the beds in the death room? It might just be enough to keep those damn dirty dwarves awake and productive.)

I think I’ve finally gotten into the swing of things. The aqueduct flooded earlier, threatening the lives of countless dwarves, but they decided to have a party at a table right next to the aqueduct. Their flagrant disregard for anything approaching common sense is quite touching, and I’d rather have my minions drunk, partying, and awake. Perhaps I should think of conditioning the rest of the lot… I shall consider sabotaging the aqueduct around bedtime each night.

In other news, Operation Bonobo Deodorant has failed miserably; the darned craftsdwarves made party hats out of all the corpses, leaving me with nothing to experiment with.

We built a new farm today! I was worried that our fortress was wide open to intruders from the outside, and frequent attacks by monkeys and warthogs convinced me that new and drastic security measures were necessary. I supervised the construction of a bridge over the magma, and dug out new barracks for everyone. Once we get an aqueduct in place, we can irrigate the whole complex and build up enough food to survive if we have to abandon the front half of the fortress. I’d prefer to stay and help build farmland, where it’s safe, but the diggers keep complaining about weird noises in the tunnels. I guess I’ll go take a look…

any remaining pages have been thoroughly charred, and rendered illegible

Omi no Kami the dwarf has been killed by a fire demon… my turn has ended, so here’s the current save. I apologize about releasing the demons… I didn’t even know they were there. :frowning:

Log of Temporary Leader Revenant

**Horrors! ** Demons in the Deep! With the untimely slaying of the previous leader, i’ve taken charge. The fire spirits have been joined by tentacle and frog demons.

  • In trying to combat this threat, I notice that many of our recruits are attempting to wrestle the demons with naught but the clothes on their backs! Such dwarves are commended for their…bravery, and packed off to get equipped up.
  • The demons appear to be picking off kittens, for choice. They must have been planning this assault for years! Disgusting spying beasts.
    Woe! The demons have destroyed the magma workshops! How can the recruits be outfitted now?

**Huzzahs! ** A human caravan arrives! Surely their noble warriors will help purge our home of these cursed demons.

  • Spluh! Demons attack whilst I try to get advice from former leader wolfman. Former leader** flight ** has bled to death after assault from a frog demon. The demons remain fixated on destroying kittens. Perhaps a peace offering of many kittens will sate them?
    Tragedy! Former Leader tanstaafl is also under attack. The caravan bodyguards refuse to leave the trade post to help! Those cowardly humans… I bet they’ll hang around and steal our magnificient treasures when we’re weak!

Oddity! In the midst of this conflict, a dwarf has claimed a craftsdwarf workshop. He assures me that he has plans for a magnificient weapon to combat the demons. We’re saved!

  • Former Leader tanstaafl has burned to death. I’m not liking this pattern. Dwarf population is down to 41.
  • A minute later, and the craftsdwarf is dead. A brief search of the body discovers no plans. 33 dwarfs remain. We are doomed.

**Weariness! ** We have but three military dwarfs left… and one of them is throwing a tantrum. The death he has witnessed would cause any dwarf to go insane.

  • Another minute; 26 dwarfs left. Our nobles have found that their impressive clothing and beards are no protection from smoke and death that now fills our halls.
  • Former Leader wolfman has sustained serious injuries to his torso and upper limbs. He sits in bed and demands water; no one has the heart to tell him it is all evaporated in the all-consuming heat.
  • Alas, he has discovered this for himself, passing away quite unpainfully. He is the exception. I take on the role of passing water to the injured.
  • 22 dwarfs remain. The killrate is slowing!
    I am dictating this now to a lower dwarf. Only my feet are uninjured. My “lower torso”…well, it doesn’t look like i’ll be having kids anytime soon.

“Revenant Threshold” Dorenshtan has died in the heat. We’re pretty much done here, I think… 15 dwarves left. And it’s still only early Summer. Should I email the files to garius? It’s pretty much just going to be sitting and watching horrible horrible death. :frowning: