Church Lady Cooking At Its Finest

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
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Yesterday I was a Pall Bearer at the funeral of an old family friend. In the Merkin south, one must never turn down a request to be a Pall Bearer. This I learned at the tender age of 16, when I was first asked to do this duty. I wanted to say no, but my dear old southern Mother, to use a good old southern USA term, jerked a knot in me and informed me that I would indeed be a Pall Bearer because one never ever, except if absolutely physically unable, said no to such a request. So, yesterday I dutifully bore that Pall in timeless southern tradition.

OK, enough background. The funeral was at 10:00 A.M. This is apparently another one of those time honored southern traditions, morning funerals. There is a reason for this. The service is held, followed by a procession to the cemetary, replete with city police and/or county sheriff escort, where the dearly departed is commended to the ground. I am convinced the reason funerals in the southern USA are often held in the morning, so that all involved in the funeral, the bereaved, Pall Bearers and assorted others can then gather in the hall of the dearly departed’s church for lunch, which is lovingly perpared by the dear Church Ladies.

Yesterday, I was treated to, as the thread title states, Church Lady Cooking At Its Finest. I’m talking casserole heaven folks. Four different kinds of potato salad. Homemade fried chicken. Roast beef with gravy. Chicken pie. Ham. Fried okra. Casseroles of veggies, and potatoes all glued together with cheese in the finest of casserole tradition. Homemade biscuits (for all you non Merkins, think scones). Cornbread. Sweet tea. Even, for the heathen among us (that includes yours truly) unsweet tea! And the dessert tables…oh the dessert tables…three of em…laden with chocolate cakes, banana puddings, lemon meringue pies, red velvet cakes, peach and apple cobblers, coconut pies, pecan pies, chocolate pudding…drool…Church Ladies and their homemade dessets…God bless their lil’ ol’ hearts!

Needless to say ol’ swampy did his part to make the Church Ladies and their church hall plates happy. I ate good. I hugged Church Ladies and told them how wonderful everything was. I left with two aluminum foil wrapped styrofoam plates full of chocolate cake. (As of matter of fact, no, I don’t have any shame.)

Of course, I also had a five hour drive home afterward with a full tummy, which made me very sleepy, which made driving hell, but it was worth it.

Southern Church Lady cooking. It just don’t get any better than that when it comes to food. I say again, Bless their lil’ ol’ Church Lady hearts!

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<Dana Carvey> Well isn’t that special!</Dana Carvey>

Hey, someone had to say it!

My condolences on the loss of your friend, swampbear.

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Thank you Rico. She was a wonderful lady and one of the true masters of Church Lady cooking.

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It’s like the Southern version of yin and yang:

Death/bad

Food/good

My brother in law died on Christmas Eve so we got the double good food whammy… traditional casseroles and brisket AND Christmas yummies.

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Church Lady Cuisine is the best. The local PBS affiliate had a book out for Pledge Week once, all recipes from various churches here in Pittsburgh. Since we have all the little ethnic burrows and neighborhoods, and most churches are affiliated with various ethnicities, you get lots of good old world style cooking. Like pierogies, and baklava and stuff like that. It looked soooo good.

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Mmmmm pavlova’s served with love.

Now I’m hungry. Sadly the church leechboy and his family attend have given up serving food after services and just put out baskets of fresh breadrolls and butter, its not the same :frowning:

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I guess this is what I give up by not being a church-goer. sigh Someone bring me some leftovers, ok?

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Don’t worry OpalCat church ladies cook for non-church goers too :slight_smile: All you have to do is attend some functions at which they cater (eg Church goers birthday party).

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OpalCat I second what leechbabe said. All you gotta do is show up at a church lady function. They love to feed anybody. Birthdays and funerals are probably the functions that bring out the casseroles. However, church lady benefit finger food is mighty good eatin’ too. And let us not forget the wonders of church lady bake sales…drool.

Guinastasia, church lady cookbooks are my favorite kind of cookbook. Got my favorite recipes for chicken and dressing, broccoli casserole, cabbage casserole, squash casserole and asparagus and english pea casserole out of 'em. Yummmmmmmm! Homemade pirogies…drool.

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Good stuff, all.

In middle-of-nowhere Pennsylvania, where I grew up, you can still get that fast-vanishing example of northern church lady cooking.

I speak, of course, of Jell-O salad.

You can’t find that stuff anywhere else, I swear.

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Ooooooooooooh! church lady Hell-o molds.:eek: So fiendish looking, yet so nummy.

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How many green bean casseroles with fried onion were there? Isn’t there a law dictating a minimum number be present at any Church Lady catered event?

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FairyChatMom, as I recall, according to Church Lady Sacred Canon, there must be a minimum of three green bean casseroles at any Church Lady catered event requiring real food. Also, on any occasion where Church Lady finger food is served, there must be a minimum of two platters of those little white bread sammiches smeared with cream cheese. Cheese straws shall also be present at any Church Lady finger food event, at least here in the south. Church Lady Punch, consisting of ginger ale, Hawaiian Punch[sup]TM[/sup] or an approved fruit punch substitute, with lime or orange sherbert floating in the middle of the punch, shall also be served.

Church Lady Sacred Canon is very strict concerning these things.

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Screw them Church Ladies. Fix Church Lady Food yourself.

Lutheran Church Basement Women. Possibly the funniest cookbook ever written.

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Indeed, the most used cookbook I had is a Chruch Lady cookbook from the First Presbyterian Church in Paris, Texas. I lost it in the divorce.

How I miss that book.

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Southern funerals are usually held in the morning, depending on where you are, because if it’s the hot season (about six months or more out of the year, again depending on where you are), holding a bunch of people hostage outdoors in the sweltering heat while wearing black “Sunday-go-to-meetin’” clothes could be considered a form of torture.

Mornings are cooler, that’s all.

Admittedly, it also provides an opportunity for Church Ladies to show up with a pot of perlow or whatever…

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Wrong Wang-Ka. Now, pay attention. Funerals are held in the morning so that the bereaved may console themselves at lunch with Church Lady cooking served in a church hall, the home turf of Church Ladies. Although Church Lady cooking can and is consumed at home, Church Ladies are infamous for huge bowls of potato salad delivered to the home of the bereaved, it is best consumed in a church hall. Morning funeral = Church Lady lunch. :smiley:

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My great-grandmother died while I was in Europe on a French Club trip. The day I got back was her funeral, at my great aunt’s church. I had grown so sick of bread and pasta and the standard “European food”. It was the best re-introduction to American food that you can possibly imagine. (Not to downplay the funeral itself, but it wasn’t a big surprise, we knew it was coming. She was 83 years old.)

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Over the years I’ve attended a couple of funerals followed by Church Lady Lunches. I must say everyone arrived sad but left happy!

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After doing some research based on Ukelele Ike’s link, I have decided I must find some way to get hold of some Lutheran Lady cooking. Especially those Minnesota “hotdishes.” The tater tot and cream of mushroom glued together with Velveeta[sup]TM[/sup] hotdish sounds both frightening and nummy, both of which, of course, are what any really good Church Lady casserole should be.