Classic conversation stoppers

Over a $1 bill?

And that Drunk White Kid grew up to be Don Imus.

Here’s yet another one that really happened (at least according to my piano teacher years ago). Piano Teacher (PT) and his best friend (HBF) were in the big book store in Carmel Valley’s Barnyard, standing in line at the restaurant inside the bookstore. The folks running the place liked to have some kind of cute take on the daily special. One Saturday, the main dish was listed as “Roast Beast.” My piano teacher was in line behind his friend and in front of the friend was some woman (SW) neither PT or HBF knew. SW turned around and just started prattling on and on about how the menu said “roast beast” but it was really “roast beef.” When SW stopped for a breath, HBF said a little loudly, “My mother told me to never speak with strange people.”

I can see it. I’d be pretty horrified if somebody suddenly destroyed some currency in front of me for no apparent reason other than to amuse themselves, even if it’s a dollar.

I can outdo you. A friend was staying with me and we ended up having dinner with his cousin who my SO had never met. Halfway through the night my SO announces he’s going outside for a cigarette. My friend’s cousin says “those things will kill you” and my SO retorts “so will a Mack truck but don’t see them plastered with warning stickers”. She says “I know about trucks”. I have then to inform off-the-cuff SO that said friend’s cousin’s husband drove into one to kill himself. Absolute conversation stopper!



(2nd greatest fear = suicide by truck)


You can say that again …

Then again - maybe not …


hijack mode on -

Do you know many drivers who’ve had that experience?

And while you’re at it, what’s the 1st greatest fear?

“Hey, anybody like swing music?”

“Does this look infected to you?”

“This is the kind of place where you could have sex on the bar.”

  • said by a very hot woman sitting alone at a table with three guys, one of them myself. She might’ve just been saying what we were thinking, anyway. She was a bit of a tease.

I few years before this I was out on a date to see a movie. While the previews were playing a youngish woman was talking VERY LOUDLY down in front, loud enough to be heard throughout the theater. After the previews the theater flashed a notice on the screen: “Silence is Golden.” It faded away and the opening credits began, with her still talking. All of a sudden, from the top row, came:
“Silence is golden, bitch!”
Ya know what? It really IS! :smiley:

“I was sexually abused by my cousin.”

  • My ex roommate. After I’d known him two months.

Boss, who is black, once referred to himself as HNIC on a project. Young white guy didn’t know what HNIC means. Boss helpfully informed him that it meant Head Negro In Charge. Uncomfortable silence.

Used to know a blind guy, and when a group conversations got around to dental/medical horror stories, he would wait for a pause and solomnly ask:

“Has anyone else here ever woken up from eye surgury?”
He was fun like that…


I’ve mentioned this before, but what the heck.

They were talking about replacing the college IT department with an independent firm that handles such things. The IT people would be hired by them instead of the college. There was a lot of concern about where that would leave us, and how it would affect benefits.

The independent firm brought in an HR rep to explain things if we were working for them. The benefits were a big step down – less vacation, a terrible health care plan (the nearest doctor on the system was two hours away), worse retirement plan, no mention of our tuition benefits (which is why many of us worked there). We were listening, not very impressed.

I figured, well, maybe there will be an upside. So I asked, “How will this affect our salaries?”

The HR person said, “Everyone will get a 50% cut.”

Silence. Dead silence. Dead hostile silence. The fury was as palpable as a brick wall.

“No,” she said. “I’m only joking. Your salaries remain the same.”

Yeah, right. Good time for a nice little joke like that.

The plan was eventually dropped.

That’s actually possible, and can cause vision damage depending on the infection.

I was going to label that as a hijack, but it might well work as a conversation stopper too.

Where I work, we had a legally-blind patient, cane and all, who was involved in one of our research studies. (A pretty-much incurable eye problem did it, not the study; the problem is why he was in the study.) The Lasik specialist asked us, privately, if we could seat him in another of our waiting rooms, and not the one by all the waiting-for-Lasik people who might assume that he was one of the failures - whoops! :eek: We hadn’t even thought about what impression he might make.

“Would you believe that both me and my dog have had the shits for the last two days?”

“Last night, I dreamed I got butt-fucked by Muhammad Ali!”

I think a simple slap in the face would work just fine.

Mom and Lilbro recently came to visit. At one point, Lilbro and myself were having a conversation that was Greek to Mom. She cut in with “you know, Nava, I really think you’ve gained at least ten pounds. You really should watch what you eat!”

It worked all right, we stopped the conversation while my brother picked his jaw from the floor and I stuck my hands in my pockets to refrain from throttling Mom. And ftr, I have NOT gained an ounce since the previous time she’d seen me!

A few weeks back I was at a seminar and we all took a break for lunch. Seven strangers at a table, so I decide to be the good guy and get a conversation going, which pretty soon devolves into a very interesting conversation about population growth and development trends in our particular fast growing part of the country. Very pleasant, a lot of back and forth, everyone involved to some extent and the kind of exchange where you really get a glimpse of people’s personalities. Great right? Just how every lunch should be, right?

Until one of our number pipes up with “Of course, the problem with this population growth in Queensland is it the wrong kind of people who are breeding”

The sound of cutlery clanking against fine china then followed.