A recent Dear Abby column described the plight of a happily married couple who, after 15 years, found out that the wife’s father and husband’s mother had had an affair – and, you guessed it, the wife and the husband were actually half-siblings!
The husband passed away. The wife wanted to know what to put on his gravestone: “Loving Husband” or “Loving Brother”? Dear Abby’s answer was hilarious. She recommended putting “He was Everything to me” on the gravestone.
Yup. It reminds me of a Miss Manners question. A ‘wife’ told the story of being robbed in her own house while her sister-in-law was visiting. The robber tied the wife and the sister-in-law to a pair of chairs arranged back-to-back. When the husband came home, he untied his sister first even though he had to walk around the chairs to get to her. The wife was outraged and wanted Miss Manners to confirm that the husband should have untied her first.
Miss Manners called it out as a fake, but said it was too fun not to answer.
Miss Manners has too many to mention, but a classic Dear Abby one was as follows, responding to a letter crabbing about the gay couple next door, and ending, “What can we do to improve the quality of the neighbourhood?” Abby retorted, “You could move.”
There used to be a late-night call-in show called The Sunday Night Sex Show, hosted by this hilarious but also very knowledgeable old lady, Sue Johanson. One night while I was watching it a younger guy called in and told Sue that he was bored of sex, that he had done everything and had sex with so many different women that it just didn’t hold any interest for him any more.
Caller: “What do you think I should do. How can I revitalize my sex life?”
