My SO can orgasm only with clitoral stimulation. I know that is pretty common and not at all unsusual, but I find it kinda not-so-good to go about the whole sex and making love bit in a sequential manner so to say. It is always like either I orgasm first and then give her clitoral stimulation till she reaches hers or have her orgasm first and then achieve mine with vaginal penetration.
I was surfing around and came across stores selling sex toys. Now, I have never used sex toys before, but from the ads on the website I could fairly easily understand the utility of several toys like dildos, vibrators, artificial vaginas and the like. However, I could not understand what advantage or pleasure do cock rings provide and to whom. I also saw a few of the rings that were more than just that. A few had some extension on one end and the description of the toy talked about clitoral stimulation being achievable during intercourse with the use of this cock ring.
What I want to know is this. Is there a way I can achieve my goal of my partner reaching orgasm with vaginal intercourse? Is there a way to provide clitoral stimulation while engaged in penis-vagina intercourse and if that were indeed possible, could my partner achieve orgasm from that? Does the use of the type of cock ring described above really help? Any other suggestions?
I just realized that perhaps this question would have been better suited to IMHO. I am not sure though. In case it does, I hope one of the mods will help out. Thanks.
Has she tried getting on top? That’s really the only way I can orgasm during actual sex. Toys are a good idea too, as long as she’s into the idea, although I don’t particularly like using them during actual sex.
I think most women orgasm clitorally. I don’t see it as a problem. It’s unrealistic to expect that you are both going to orgasm at the same time anyway.
My advice:
Go down on her until she orgasms and then when you are having sex, have her get on top and see if she can get off. Once I have one, I can usually have a few more that way.
Yes, it just takes some experimentation to find the right position, technique, etc.
Yes. My suggestion is have your partner on her knees with you entering her from behind. She has free hands to use her hands or a toy, and you can also reach around to manually stimulate her while you’re engaging in intercourse.
Also, depending on the length of your arms, it may be possible to directly stimulate her clitoris with your hand during rear-penetration. Barring that, manual clitoral stimulation is a snap in female-dominant position. It may take a while to train yourself to be able to reliably find your lover’s clitoris during coitus, but it’s a valuable skill to have, even if your SO has no taste for manual stimulation during penetrative sex.
…See, answering questions like this is why I always get strange looks in Human Sexuality class.
You can do that in any position, really. All it takes is the ability for one or the other partner to get their fingers on the clitoris. Also, the woman on top position can sometimes (once you find the proper riding angle) cause the woman’s clitoris to rub the man’s pubic bone and she’ll orgasm that way.
Woman on top - let her move around and find something she finds stimulating. Fingers can be all well and good, but it takes time and a little practice - remember that some women’s clits are quite sensitive to the touch. If mine is touched with dry hands, for example, I howl in pain - not pleasure! (When it is exposed, that is, when it hides under the little hood, it doesn’t matter).
As for toys, I’d let her do the selecting, and let her be on her own with them sometimes (if she’s comfortable right away, join in, watch, learn). She will be the only one to know if it will aid her in actual intercourse. Cock rings - nah. That is mostly for the man - it helps maintain an erection, and some men find the tight pulling sensation to be a huge turn-on, but the woman will barely notice it during intercourse.
As Indygrrl mentioned, simultaneous orgasms are rare, usual coincidental, and not realistic expectations during sex. Just enjoy the time spent together.
WISERNOW Clitoral stimulation during intercourse is not that difficult. All you really have to do is lean back a bit and put your finers down there. It is probably easier if you get on your knees but your fingers are all that you need.
A particular method for this ‘problem’ is to make love doggie style, and for your misses to use a vibrator on herself during the lovemaking. This can be very intense
Can be really difficult or uncomfortable for the bloke to perform if he’s on top - 30 degrees greater freedom of rotation in my wrist joint is all I’d like, honestly.
Thanks for all the responses. Quite a few of you have suggested the woman on top position. Can someone describe that position in a in a little more detail, because we too have tried it but my partner finds it rather difficult to perform. Should she on her knees and straggling me or should she be sort of squatting sitting on her feet, and should she be facing me or away from me?
Also, as Anastasaeon mentions, it seems my SO has a very sensitive clitoris. On occassions that I have attempted to touch her there when having intercourse, she seems to flinch as if she doesn’t want me doing that. She seems to be one of those that does not want to mix up clitoral sex with actual intercourse. Is this also common?
Wisernow, we can suggest, but ultimately it is up to you and your lady friend to find out what works for the both of you. Whether or not she’s kneeling or squatting, whether or not you’re active or lying still, whether or not you’ve got a pillow under you to give you a boost up… I’d advise that the two of you go and have some fun together, and take notes as to what makes you have hte most fun.
Also, have you talked to her about the flinching? It can be hard to read body cues during sex, especially if they’re not backed up by verbal reinforcement.
I would recommend that you have a long talk with her about sex and orgasms (and possibly see how she feels about you discussing your sex life on the Internet). Open communication is a better aid to good sex than any amount of toys, lotions, and instructive media.
Being a virgin, I can’t tell you the dos and don’ts with accuracy, or how effective it is. The net, however, has pictures! Some women say it works for them, or is at least more pleasurable. I dunno.
Similar to the missionary position, except you’ll be slightly over to one side, rather than directly over her. It will take a few tries to determine which side is best, and to get the right alignment. The upper side of your penis will be in direct contact with her clitoris.
Proceed as you normally would…
