Now, I came here because this is really bugging me, and you guys haven’t failed me yet, so… (plus, it’s about sex, you know you love it )
My girlfriend went down on me a couple of times, in both I have not climaxed. This is my first sexual relationship, but I’m her 4th. Though we are both intelligent people who are aware that most men do not climax from oral stimulation alone, she feel very bad about this. She feels it makes her unsexy, because her friends have “succeeded” in getting their men to climax, and because she hasn’t (with her past partners, either), she feels it’s something that’s wrong about her.
Now, convincing her otherwise is pointless. Believe me, I’ve tried. I refuse to give up on climaxing during oral, for both of us, so I wanted to ask you what could be done in the matter. (Because we all know how we try to get the girls to climax, I’m confident that there’s a way to do the same for me.)
Why doesn’t work anyway, really? Porno has totally twisted my perception! But seriously, I don’t think communication is the key here, because I honestly don’t know why it doesn’t feel as great as advertised. I hardly feel anything, to be honest. And normal sex is great for us.
Oh, and otherwise, we are perfectly normal and happy.
Rule #1 - Relax
Rule #2 - Seriously, relax
Rule #3 - Stop thinking about it, just relax already
Rule #4 - Tell her you’re just too nervous/self-concious. Don’t make her feel like it’s her fault.
Uh, that’s a new one on me. Anyone else ever heard this? From all the guys I’ve talked to about this, oral sex is MORE stimulating than vaginal sex, and orgasms are fare more intense. That’s Mr. Armadillo’s assertation, anyway.
My suggestions would be to relax, and just enjoy the experience. What exactly, if I may be so bold as to ask, is she doing down there? Maybe her technique is not exactly what you need to get off?
I think most guys would agree that a good thrust beats a mere suck. At least IMHO. Now that I am older, I get it up just the same, but it takes longer to shoot my wad. Thus I like it a little rougher.
If this is your first. It is still a new experience. I know that I was using the hand long before I had a woman to practice with. The first time I got it in, it did not come. It just felt very different than what I was used to. The next time I came, but with effort. After that, we were fucking like bunnies.
With oral sex it is likely the same. It is a different feel that takes a little getting used to.
The girls who give best head are the ones who suck hard and deep. That plus a little kissing on the side of the shaft…OK, TMI.
But it is a new experience. It will improve with time.
Bzzzt.
I’m with Mixie, this statement could not be more incorrect.
The perfect controlled experiment would be for you to cozy up to one of the more ‘successful’ friends. You should then be able to determine if the problem lies with you or the girlfriend.
This issue has, er, come up for me in the past. Frankly, I don’t find it very stimulating either. You might find a mutual 69-thing to be better.
You could tell her she sucks at blowing :), but I don’t reccommend it.
Here’s my suggestion. Let her start. After a little while, let out a growl, tell her her you just have to do her right now, bring her up to a face to face level, and hook up and finish in a more conventional fashion.
I think it may have been mentioned before, but relax. Enjoy the moment, but don’t put pressure on yourself. When we first started dating, my wife seldom came from oral, but after we talked about it, and she became comfortable, it’s been no problem. I doubt seriously it’s anything she’s doing wrong…mebbe it’s just me, but the worst BJ I ever got was great.
Yeah, she’s probably missing something. There are a lot of really good resources out there. I’d go for print, with pictures.
Also, “dirty” movies. But remember, real people aren’t built like that.
Peace,
mangeorge
This might sound selfish, but I’m a girl saying it, so obviously, it’s okay: First of all, while you’re getting head, do not worry about your girlfriend. Thoughts like, my God, why is it taking me this long, she must be getting bored, that sounds painful down there and so on are only going to distract you. So just relax and enjoy.
Secondly. You could try telling her how you like to be sucked/licked…it’ll make you feel like you’re more in control, and you’ll be getting what you like, and it’s not like you have to do it a, ‘no, you idiot, you’re doing it wrong,’ way. When she does something especially “nice” vocalize it’s niceness.
I’d also suggest she use her hands on you while she sucks. If she can’t take you completely into her mouth that’d probably be a big help for the leftover section. If she’s up to it, I’d suggest she tries using her tongue on the the head while she deep throats you, but that takes practice and you have to have conquired the gag reflex. Lastly, the little band of skin (I don’t know what it’s called anymore) that connects the shaft of the penis to the head, (it’s located on the other side)–tell her to mess around with that.
The suggestion of a 69 might help and it might not…it might stimulate you more mentally, but it might also distract you even further from making it…is she enjoying herself, am I doing this right, etc.
The statement (“Most men usually don’t…”) is taken from a popular, award winning book on sex. Can’t recall the name right now. Of the few guys I’ve asked in person, this seems to be true.
Don’t care. Want climax. Me tarzan.
I do believe relaxation is a big part of it. Thank you for that.
To take it a step further, my girlfriend has deep insecurity issues (“don’t they all? :)” - not funny. I’m serious.) And since we are in a wonderful, loving relationship, when she felt this way about being unsexy because of it, we talked about it. I think a bit too much, because the problem remained quite the same, only now it’s an issue we talk about… To the point, I’ve done my research, and I believe there may things she could do to improve her technique, but I’m very causious about telling her so. Though our communication is great, I’m afraid it will make her feel something is wrong with her even more. Right now, I’m thinking reading that book together on the subject would be the right approach. Your thoughts?
So, did her other lovers climax while she fellated them?
Perhaps you’re not a quick to climax as her previous partners. Some would consider this a good thing.
Perhaps she’s not giving you enough physical stimulation . . . or not enough stimulation in just the right place(s)? Is she just using her tongue? Not using her tongue enough? Not taking you deep enough into her mouth. Do her hands come into play during the whole deal? Have her do something different.
Perhaps it’s something psychological with you? There’s all kinds of weird mental issues involved with sex.
Finally, perhaps you two are just trying too hard. As long as you’re both happy with your sex lives, who cares? Why is this even an issue? Although it’s difficult for me to imagine it, I get the impression that there are a lot of happy sexual relationships out there that don’t include oral sex. If you two don’t need it, don’t include it.
Anyway, sounds like you’re lucky. You have a lover who wants to make you happy, and it seems like you want to reciprocate. Good for both of you!
Ughh no! I had a girl friend who was very sucky, and I hated it. Felt like a vampire had latched on to me.
BTW I think I’ve only climaxed once from oral and that involved a bit of hand action as well. I find the tongue and lips etc a bit soft, not enough friction and can’t really get in deep enough.
I think I’ve climaxed 3 times from oral out of hundreds of attempts. It’s a good orgasm but overall the process of sex is alot more fun in my opinion.
If you really just have to get this girl to make you climax I suggest you refrain from masturbation and sex for as long as you possibly can (several days at least) and then let her go at it. You should go off like a rusty .45 with a hair trigger.
Quick question–Are you wearing a condom while getting head? If so, that would probably be a big factor in your inability to climax. Getting head while wearing a rubber is so unstimulating that it’s almost pointless.
Also…keep the communication flowing. While she’s down there", have her try different techniques. When she does something that feels especially good…let her know right then and there! Through trial & error, the experience will definitely improve…
(The 69 position might be interesting…but in my experience the concept is better than the reality. A good oral experience demands full attention, and with 69 you’re a bit distracted…)
Myst, it’s going to hard for you to deliver the goods, when you know she’s expecting the goods and you also know that the goods are not likely to show up. She needs to disconnect her self esteem with her ability to make you come. She also needs to come the realization that you enjoy sex with her whether you come or not. This part is critical, it takes the pressure off of the both of you.
What you can do in the meantime, in between time, is experiment with masturbating up until the point of no return and then let her finish. Just an idea.
When you’re gettin’ good and ready… you know, that brink where it could go either way - have her give a little pressure in the nether region… right around the prostate.
I have a similar problem with my wife. Usually, I can’t come from oral sex either. I’ve found if I’m standing and thrusting my hips, it works better for me, personnally. ( I probably have control issues. )
I went on the road for three weeks trying to be a truck driver. The first thing me and my wife did when I got Back, was oral sex. I went off in record time. You might try the abstinance thing.
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