My name is bouv, and I've never had a blowjob

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

The oral sex thread over in IMHO reminded me of this simple fact.

Oh, I’ve had women put their mouths on my nether-region, yes, but I’ve never had, in my mind, a true blowjob. In other words, I have never orgasmed through oral sex. Ever.

It seems to be a combonation of two factors, one internal, and the other, external. Thr first problem is that I, apparantly, am a "“marathon man.” I take a while to orgasm, sometimes too long (I have had a couple GF’s complain after the fact that it was right on that edge of going from “woo! Going long enough to get me off multiple times” to “Just hurry up and finish! There’s only so much a girl can take”

Now, admittedly, I have gotten better at this. In fact, it was mostly my first GF that I had sex with that this was ever a problem. Seing as, until her, all my orgasms were self-induced, I was just not use to someone else being responsible for getting me off. It took her several tries before I would orgasm from a hand job (My penis was so used to how I did it, it refused all other attempts fot the longest time.) But, even were a woman to put her lips down there, it would still take a while to get where I intend to go, which brings us to problem #2:

Every GF I have ever had HATED oral sex. They would do a little during foreplay, because it’s part of the act, but I was lucky if it lasted more than a minute or two. Nowhere near long enough for orgasm. Granted, during foreplay, you don’t always want an orgasm from oral (at least, not for the guy) becuse it might impede his ability to perform when it comes time for actual coitus. But every once in a while, you take one for the team and do what must be done!

I have heard it said that “give, and ye shall receive.” Well, apparantly thats’ a big-ass lie. I give. I always give. Even that one GF who hated oral so much she hated it being done to her I managed to convnice to let me have a go-round. And did I get any compensation for my effort? Not really. A half-assed BJ attempt with WAAAY too much teeth I had to end early, cause even if she was willing to go all the way, it would have been like making love to a cheese grater. :eek: (This was my most recent GF, who hated oral the most I have ever seen anyone hate oral)

The closest I have come to a true and proper BJ is three times with two GF’s. The first two are basically mimics of each other. The GF (that same first one that I had my first real sexual expereinces with) was having her period, but felt I deserved something, and staretd up with the ol’ hoover action. Well, a few minutes in, she basically gave up and finished off with the hand. As said, partly my fault for not being able to orgasm quickly, but honestly, she could have tried a little harder. She was down there for less than half the time I usually spend, and I usually get double the results.

The third time was with the next GF. This one hated oral even more than the first, but not as much as the recent one. In the three months we dated, her mouth touched my penis a total of three times. The first time being over a month into the relationship, and even then, it took my freakin’ 21st birthday for it to happen! Anyways, I digress. We were doing a mutal oral type deal, and due to my…unique…nature, I can actually get off VERY easily if I am pleasuring my partner while they pleasure me, hence why I wanted the mutual thing, so that i could actually orgasm from a BJ,. But, as with the previous GF, she gave up with the mouth and went right to the hand, in even less time than the first one, no less.

I don’t know where I’m going with this thread. Are there any men out there like me? Is this a unique thing, or is it common in the realm of sex? Is it actually rare for a man to orgasm from oral, outside the porn industry? I mean…I would like to think Dopers are a random sampling of people, but from the oral sex threads we have, it seems that about 90% of the woman love giving BJ’s, whereas in my personal experience, both with my few girlfriends and talking to woman I know, the number seems to be in te realm of…umm…that one GF my friend had. Seriously. Out of all the women I have talked about this with in real life, I have only met one who actually says she enjoys giving them. ANd only a handful that are in the realm of “Not fun, but I do it because it’s what you do.” Most are like all my exes, who say it’s nasty, and why would anyone do it, and the rarely do it, and only then, never to orgasm (cause even spitting or stopping right before ejaculation could result in a tiny bit of semen in the motuh! Horror of horrors!)

I can only conclude that, seeing as we are the smartest collection of people on the internet, that the women here are right. BJ’s are good, and should be given out freely with much enthusiasm. And apparantly swallowing is a must. :wink:

2

Last things first. Yes it is a must.

Now, on to the juicy bits…

It seems to me that a “random” sampling of women **whom you are not dating ** or having intimate relations with, would say that for them, providing oral sex is a treat or an accommodation. I think that there are far more women out there that do like to do oral than are willing to say that they do in front of their co-workers, casual friends or pastors.

Hence, the higher number of replies here (where we’re pretty much all not going to meet at Starbucks in the morning and review the poll results) from women saying they enjoy doing it. I think this probably makes the replies a little more honest, and that this higher number is more accurate.

Few women seem ambivalent on the subject though, I’ll tell ya. Women either want to start a’nibblin, or won’t go anywhere near it.

As to climaxing from the BJ, it’s really like anything else that way. Coach her, guide her. You like the Lollipop Game? Tell her. You feel it starting to get good when she does the Bobbing Drinking Glass Parrot? Let her know, and perhaps something subtle along the lines of grabbing a handful of hair, and saying “don’t stopdon’tstop oh yeah baby just like that” over and over would get the hint to her.

There’s a lot to learn to like about a fabulous BJ, not the least is when ytou spend enough time with the same partner who comes to learn what you like, and you get accustomed to the feel of her mouth on you.

And uh, keep your hands off that would ya’, we have company.

3

I posted in the other BJ thread and stumbled across your post. I was reading it and it all sounds very familiar to me, minus the unenthusiastic headgivers. Most of the women I’ve been involved with seemed to have no problem with BJ’s and in fact prided themselves on their technique and seemed to enjoy it. I too have the same problem with the BJ and feel extremely odd because of it. When other guys talk about BJ’s I always feel slightly alienated, like I’m missing something… I mean, they’re great and everything but give me vagina over mouth anyday!

It wasn’t until about 4 years ago that I finally broke the fellatio barrier and actually orgasmed for the first time from oral stimulation. I have to admit I was skeptical that it could happen, but she set out on it as a personal mission and though it took a verrrry long time and every trick in her book …MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. I was very surprised and almost glad it was over, it was great but it was just so much time and energy and well…just pressure on both of us that, frankly, it was psychologically exhausting. I think it was better for her more than me, it was her own personal badge of honor of sorts.

Maybe you will get as lucky as me and find an understanding woman and she will bust your cherry, someday. My advice during any attempt is to relax and give it some time…input is good. Response and advice on what is “doing it” for you is essential.

4

Yeah, I know what you’re talking about. My last girlfriend was fantastic, and understood that it wasn’t her fault because she could do it if she invested the time and I was in the mood for it. I think she always felt a little cheated because every guy before me came way faster than I did, and she really liked giving BJs. She found out that this is a feature instead of a problem later on. :wink:

You’re not weird. You’re possibly gifted.

5

I like 'em, but very rarely is that the end of the evening. Even when the “job” is complete, I’m just ready for the main course. Sure, the occasional “appetizer” is enough to satisfy, but it is usually just a part of the whole meal. What’s the record for the most euphanisim’s in a single post?

6

I just emailed a bisexual friend of mine for her opinion on which is more work – a blow job or cunnilingus. I’ve always espoused the opinion of Sex and the City’s Samantha: “You men have no idea what we’re dealing with down there. Teeth placement, and jaw stress, and suction, and gag reflex, and all the while bobbing up and down, moaning and trying to breathe through our noses. Easy? Honey, they don’t call it a job for nothin’.”

7

And let me be the first to thank you all for a job well done! :smiley:

8

I’ve never gotten off just from oral, either, but I was a virgin until pretty late in life (like, two years ago, actually) and only recently have been able to orgasm through non-masturbatory means at all, so I’m hoping for further progress on that front in the future. My boyfriend is certainly eager enough to help me practice, so that’s a big plus. I have to say, though, that I think I like giving them about as much as I like getting them. Samantha from Sex in the City is nothin’ but a big ol’ whiner. Suck it up, girlfriend, and… uh… suck it up. Or something.

9

I think the fact that most of the women you have been with hating the act are your ‘problem’. Once you find a woman that looks at your penis and says “Oh, I love him! I must have him in my mouth!” you will be surprised at the results. Enthusiasm on her part will bring an orgasm on yours. Mainly because instead of you thinking:

“She doesn’t like this, I should hurry-up, cuz if I don’t then she’ll stop soon and I won’t, and she’ll hate them more cuz I can’t and she just has to work at it and look at her now - she is grimacing and almost looks like she is going to gag, oh jeez, should I just stop her now, it feels good but it is going to take a long time and I know she doesn’t like this, I should hurry-up, cuz if I don’t then she’ll stop soon and I won’t, and she’ll hate them more cuz I can’t and she just has to work at it and look at her now - she is grimacing and almost looks like she is going to gag, oh jeez, should I just stop her now, it feels good but it is going to take a long time and I know she doesn’t like this, I should hurry-up, cuz if I don’t then she’ll stop soon and I won’t, and she’ll hate them more cuz I can’t and she just has to work at it and look at her now - she is grimacing and almost looks like she is going to gag, oh jeez, should I just stop her now, it feels good but it is going to take a long time and I know she doesn’t like this…Oh, she stopped.”

Versus the partner that likes to give them, and lets you know it:

Her: “I really like giving head, it’s a turn-on for me! Feeling the ridge of the head with my tongue and watching you go all cross-eyed…that is so cool! You just lay back and enjoy this. If you want to come in my mouth, it’s OK…your choice.”
You thinking: {She likes it! My god, she likes it! Look at her eyes! She is STARING at me while sucking me! She just stopped to get a hair out of her mouth and smiled at me! My god! And her hands feel great! MY GOD, she just licked my balls! She actually did that! WOW!}

Totally different experiences with different results completely due to enthusiasm. You still might not get over that peak, but the climb will be well worth it.

My worst relationships were with women who didn’t like giving, only getting. My best have been with women who love to give and get. I did decide it was OK to break up with someone for lack of blowjobs. As Dan Savage says [paraphrase] “Oral sex is standard issue these days. If you find a model without this feature, return it to where you found it and get another.”[/paraphrase]

-Tcat

10

No it isn’t.

In my opinion, you’ve just had bad luck. Almost all women I know (well, that I’ve talked to about this and/or have personal experience of) like it fine. Many of them love it.

Not for me, and not for any other men I’ve talked to. I know they exist, though, mainly from this board.

Well, we’re not. We’re weighted towards atheists, progressives, and other hellbound heathens who are less likely to have hangups about sex, moral reservations and so forth.

11

Put your hands on either side of your partner’s head, thumbs right in front of her ears, and gently rub the jaw muscles.

It sure cuts down on the every-ten-minute “I think my jaw’s going to fall off” breaks, and if you happen to be a slow-cookin’ man, you know that those come at the worst possible time.

Also fixes the “what do I do with my hands” issue.

Corr

12

I think it can be discouraging not to see any progress - and ideally of course it shouldn’t matter, but at a certain point if I’m familiar with how a partner reacts to a good handjob, and not getting any traction with the bj, I’m gonna switch at least long enough to get my partner close to orgasm. Plus, yeah, it took a bit of practice to get used to the physical aspects and find comfortable positions in my experience. Perhaps if you can encourage a partner to use both hands and mouth (switching off between them and/or one hand plus mouth) it can be a less frustrating experience for the blower, and is quite sensual.