I’m 33 and I love being a woman for the most part, but lately, I’ve fucking had it. After a good year of celibacy, I recently acquired a boyfriend and we immediately ended that phase of my life. Excellent, right? Hell yes. Except…
It’s been almost two months and I still have yet to orgasm in his presence. This is nothing new; I think a lot of women have trouble with this mostly because the relevant parts on a female are uniquely positioned to allow for failure in reaching the objective. To hell with that, you learn to work with what you’ve got, right? So I have and I’ve tried to communicate what I’ve learned. But what I wanna know is, why is it I can bring myself to multiple orgasms in the clitoral and g-spot areas (simultaneously) in less than five minutes, but we can’t do either even once in 30 minutes?
He’s not a bad lover—to the contrary—he’s very good and to be fair, this is the first relationship in my life where I’m insisting we uh, plug away at it until we get it right. Before, I’ve always been willing to roll over and take care of myself, but that’s just stupid. It’s nothing like what I want. Anyway, to the point. I’ve been walking around now for two months with a raging, unsatisfied libido that dominates my thinking process a lot and I’m at the end of my rope. G*ddamn it to hell, mutherfuckity-fuck on a corndog stick, I need some relief! Any suggestions?
Seriously, take him by the hand, and use his instead of yours. Do all the things you do to get yourself off, but use his hand to do it. That way he will know exactly where and what to touch, how hard, and how often.
Yes, he does, but this position poses a bit of a problem for me. I’m short, really short, 5’1 short. There just isn’t a lot of me between the hip and knees and so, it’s hard for me to get, um, traction in that position. That or else it’s just far too deep, if I may be discuss this frankly. Unfortunately, he lasts the longest in this position. My favorite, and the closest I get to satisfaction, is the horribly-named but ever-pleasant “doggie-style,” but he doesn’t last at all in that position. :rolleyes:
I like Parental Advisory’s suggestion. We need to work on oral sex anyway. While we’re here and discussing this, may I ask what the deal is with 69? He’s a big fan and I’m of the mind that when I’m giving, I’d like to give me best–focus, you know? And when I’m getting, I’d also like to focus on that just as much. I can’t multitask in that regard. I think it might be time to just say, “Look honey, this night is all about me. We’ll have a night just for you soon.”
It seems to me that so many people have preconceived (heh!) notions about what sex should be like. So, will you climax if he performs cunnilingus? Or are you reaching that point and insist that he comes into you? You’re 33 and not a blushing virgin anymore so I’m sure that you know that the simultaneous orgasm is a rare thing for most couples. You need to let go of all baggage and your previous history with men makes me think that you have some to dump. I think you’re too tense and trying to hard. Relax and enjoy. Take turns bringing each other to climax. Go down on him and let him blow off some steam, so to say, and while his getting ready again (assuming he’s not 18, this will take a while), make him go down on you and just enjoy it.
BTW, you get high scores for content but the rant is pretty lame , maybe it belongs in IMHO?
Aw, geez, never waste an opportunity for some good oral sex, I says.
As for 69, that’s a typical “male porno” fantasy. In reality, unless the two partners are about the same size and temperment, it generally doesn’t work. Easier for one person to do a really good job on the partner (and reduce her to a quivering pile of jelly ), then swap places and reciprocate.
I think a long bout of oral sex is a very good idea. It also sounds like you need to relax – as long as you’re trying to have an orgasm as soon as possible before he does or you’ll miss it, the pressure will keep you from relaxing and having one.
So just have an evening (or three) where he goes down on you for a good long while, and just try to teach him what you like. (You don’t have to bark out instructions, but do give lots of positive feedback, e.g. “a little slower… oh, that’s nice, keep doing that”, etc.) Don’t make your orgasm the goal, just focus on showing him what feels good and enjoying it. Some guys want to give good oral sex, but get discouraged and give up too soon when it doesn’t produce immediate results. Positive feedback and input about what you like can really help.
Have you considered using a vibrator during intercourse? Some people don’t approve as it’s not “natural,” but I find it really evens things up between my wife and myself. I don’t mind at all because it takes a lot of pressure off the me and allows for simultaneous orgasms every time, if that is your goal.
There’s an online store called goodvibes.com that caters to women, although most of what they sell can be found elsewhere online for less. Check out the one called “flex o pleaser” which has an angled head that makes reaching the relevant parts during intercourse easier.
My only other advice is give it time. Talk to him, but don’t get mad. It’s difficult to get in synch.
I was looking for this answer…you really should try it, and make it small but powerful. If you can, try one in a store (no, not there-on your hand, silly!) if you’re in a metro area you can probably find a “tasteful” toy store.
Not that I know anything about this stuff if monster is reading this. I just read about it in a magazine, li’l sis. Ahem.
Put a pillow on either side of him and put your knees on them. You’ll be lifted off him, slightly, and it’ll be much easier for you to perform the appropriate grinding motion.
runs off to eat his way into having “a bit of a belly”
Actually I find that a 69 only works if the girl is shorter than me. I’m 6’; YMMV. It works, though, because a lot of people (men and women) can’t orgasm because they’re trying too hard. 69ing gives you something else to concentrate on and I find that all of a sudden I’ll just be like “ooh… orgasm coming” without noticing it creeping up on me. Women always have a tough time getting me off (most can’t at all), so this is v. useful…
Your parenthetical comment cracked me up this morning! On vibrators: I’ve often wondered about this. I already have one (okay, two) and it’s the easiest, fastest way for me to enjoy, erm, myself, but I’ve always been too shy to bring it up. Time to get over that shy thing. I’m gonna have to if I wanna stop looking at every single attractive person I run across as potential prey. Geez, I’m really over that… I really don’t want to sleep with anybody else, it’s just a side effect of this torment.
Now this is a good idea. Why didn’t we think of that?
And I know what you mean about trying too hard. I’ve certainly been guilty of that at times, but not always. Lately I’ve been suggesting we start out with mutual backrubs (using Neutrogena’s Light Seseme Forumal Body Oil–love that stuff) to better relax us. We both like that.
On a sour note, we had to cancel our date last night at the last minute. But, on a sweeter note, we rescheduled for tonight!
Hey there gorgeous…I ain’t nothing wrong with that.
If you know what I mean
nudgenudge
Hehehe, just kidding.
Here’s what to do. I happen to know a few good ways that seem to work well for me. First you got to get him into oral sex. Probably the best way to do that is to completely shave “down there.” Don’t think of it as some kind of pre-pubescent weird-kind of thing. You shave your armpits and legs, right? Also another good thing to do is give it a bit of a wash before you get started if he’s going to eat at the Y. This will probably make him salivate at the mouth if you are ordinarily very hairy down there. But this is just my preference, so he could be different.
Another good way is to use a spooning position. Its kinda like “retrocopulation” (aka doggystyle: thanks to the guy who invented that one, I forgot who it was) except that it involves a lot more contact. Then he can reach around and grab your breasts and use his fingers to play with your clitoris. This one seems to be good as well.
Okay, I don’t usually share in this area, but I’m going to give you a procedure that I’m fairly sure will guarantee you an orgasm each and every time you make love. Bear in mind that a good lover in my opinion will move heaven and earth to give their partner an orgasm.
At some phase during your lovemaking have your man stride you as if ready to mount in the missionary position. He must be somewhat raised though as if preparing to go down for another pushup(his knees do not have to be elevated).
Take his penis and rub his glans on your clitoris in a manner that stimulates you. Forget about him, just concentrate on you. There is something very stimulating for a man to be used selfishly and agressively by his partner in order for her to achieve the big O. At some point either just prior to or during orgasm or even after the tender period (if you wish), gab his buttocks and make him perform deeply or as you wish.
The key is to take control, and give it up when your ready. It works for us.
Hey, if you try it, Let me know how it was for you.
In the vibrator theme, they do make tiny vibrators combined with “cock rings” so that when worn and using “missionary” position, the vibrating part nestles right up against the clit. The only drawback is that when using these I come so quickly that I have to make him stop for a moment to catch my breath.
Nor have I. Doesn’t mean the head won’t come in contact with any during the, uh, procedure you describe. It will- my last SO loved doing that- and once or twice it was very, very painful.
But, on a sweeter note, we rescheduled for tonight! 