I know you might be looking for a better answer than this, but…
Same-sex couples are as different as opposite-sex couples. What they will or will not be offended by should have nothing to do with the fact that they’re gay. Personally, I’ll discuss most things with most people with no problems. However, there are a few common conversation starters that you might want to avoid:
-
Can I watch?
-
How does it feel to know you’re going to hell?
-
No really, can I watch?
You see, if someone asked you and your girlfriend/wife those questions you’ld be offended as well. However, since you seem like you are a nice guy honestly concerned about this, I’ll stop teasing now.
It is true that some lesbian couples or lesbians have a chip on their respective shoulders. Often this comes from a bad experience with acceptance or lack thereof from family, friends, co-workers, schoolmates, etc. Some women like to super-identify themselves as “butch”, and go out of their way to antagonize people in an activist way. Often this is a reaction strong women take when they do not get support from their family and friends, and thus they look to anger and confrontation as a way to get them through the hurt. Mind you, I’m talking about attitude, not dress.
Myself, you could think of me as what is sometimes referred to as a “lipstick lesbian”. I’m extremely stubborn, and don’t let myself be pushed around by anyone, but I’m also very quiet about it and am very feminine. A favorite grandpa used to call me his “little mule” because I was so stubborn. I have few male friends, because they have treated me and my SO at the time in a way that they would never have treated any other couple, little comments like - “So, are you in to Ellen or ESPN?” - crap like that is uncalled for. BUT, a male friend who I’ve had for 10 years could make a comment like that and I’d just laugh. It all depends.
Most lesbian couples I meet just want people to treat them absolutely normally, or else just leave them alone. I think the same original rules for this board, that is “don’t be a jerk” just apply. If you’re already getting along well with them, I don’t see what your concern would be. If you want to invite them to a social occaision for the first time, make sure that there are other people you know in common, or a decent sized group of other people. Some lesbian couples (especially if they are attractive and not shy to show affection in public) get hit on quite a bit by young men, so inviting them to a “special dinner” with just you might raise their eyebrows until you know each other better.
I don’t think I’ve answered your question, because it’s not an easy one to answer. Maybe NTG (or pepperlandgirl, my lesbian slave in training) or someone else out there could contribute something…?