Soooo…ladies of the SDMB. It seems Colinmarshall is at an impasse. One of us could boldly go where no human with an x chromosome has ventured…get him laid and maybe shut him the fuck up. With that in mind, I start my first pit thread. Can you believe it? I’ve been here through all these posts, and I’ve just always been too lazy to pit an actual doper.
But wow. It’s like you, Colin, wrote the manual on Pitting People for Dummies. I don’t even have to convince myself of how you suck. All I really have to do is hit the search button over and over again. What I’d like to know is are you the proverbial pimply teen ™ just over his “girls are icky” stage, trying to catch up with his more suave peers…or are you just the proverbial undatable loser?
Any girl who passes your test has probably been fucked over by life so many times as to make your last criterion null and void. Do you require a doormat or just an automaton?
The beauty of this, Zoggie, is that this way Colinmarshall can truthfully say he has never been rejected by a girl for a date, a fuck, the gross national product of Tibet, whatever.
There, simply put, exists no person on this Earth (or what portion of it he can search, should he have the desire to do so) who meets those criteria. It is a “perfect” defense mechanism, and by perfect I basically mean that he will never be rejected but he will also never be accepted.
More to the point, should he ever actually find some human being who has never had a sexual experience (and where do you draw the line between playing and sexual playing? Oral? Handjob? Heavy petting? Inquiring minds…), he will be able to use her to bolster his obviously lacking self-esteem. He’ll be walking around with someone who (until she acquires a spine and/or a brain) will feel lucky to be around him and with whom he will luck much better. She won’t mind being used … hell, she probably won’t feel used because she won’t recognize Colinmarshall for what he is: a pathetic loser who sets his standards so high (and simultaneously so low) that nobody can possibly ever reach them.
Oh, and the reason he can’t get it up for a “used” woman? Well, duh … if you know you’re going to be pathetic compared to even a housebroken hyena, wouldn’t that sorta deflate YOUR condom?
Once you go non-Colin, you never go callin’ for Colin.
You missed a couple, Zoggie. He also dislikes feminists and, perhaps unsurprisingly, drag queens (by implication). Of course, he’s also shown himself to be a clueless overgeneralizing dork when it comes to relationship questions.
Conclusion: Garden-variety dumbass; will mature into career misogynist. On the plus side, his obnoxiousness will be instantly identifiable to any woman he approaches who actually has two brain cells, and he’ll eventually die alone and afraid. On the down side, he exists.
Actually, there wouldn’t be a need for feminism in this day and age…if it weren’t for assholes like him! :dubious:
I remember that virgin thread. It really disgusted me, and made me wanna go out and sleep with every male I came across just to make myself totally and completely unattractive to him!
I’m guessing Goran Visnic and Noah Wylie’s agents left promising messages on your machine?
BTW, my guess is that by virtue of so much as kissing me you’re too used for his requirements. OTOH, if ever there were someone worthy of the inexperience, lack of desire and unwillingness to cohabitate in the wedding night bed brought on by those famed 76 virgins…
Am I reading this wrong, or is it completely contradictory? “I’ve literally never been able to get it up for used women. Also, I’ve never dated any used women.” Maybe he’s just literally never been able to get it up, full stop. It would explain his strict insistence on only dating women with absolutely no previous experience of any kind:
“No, baby, it’s supposed to be small and limp like that. That’s just what a penis looks like.”
I always thought that some of his “preferences” made him sound worthy of pity. To have so many hang-ups—sad, really. Being like that sounds like it must be very tough.
makes a note to buy platform sandals and learn to play the balalaika
There, I’m doing all I can!
You know, I just thought of something-maybe he’s really, really insecure about his performance, so to speak, and so he thinks if he only goes with virgins, they won’t have anyone to compare him too?
