I would.
Yeah, this happened to a friend of mine too. Not only was he expected be OK with his GF spending all the time over in their room, but his roommate completely expected him to SLEEP ELSEWHERE when she was spending the night. :rolleyes:
I would add, constantly being in your room worked for me in college. My dorm had two separated rooms sharing a sink and closet. Just always be home. Always be there studying, listening to music, goofing off on the computer. They’ll get pissed off they never get any privacy and start going to her place. Trust me, I had 4 different roommate’s my freshman year that stayed for probably a sum total of 3 weeks. (In my defense, two I never even saw before they moved out). 
OK, if not wanting to watch other people bonking in your own bedroom is “being a prude” then paint me pink and call me Mary Whitehouse, because I think roomie is being incredibly rude if he’s getting naked with his GF while Dinsdale’s kid is in the room. As far as I’m concerned, roomie should be treating the room like any other public space - any sleeping with the girlfriend happens only after verifying that no other persons are expected to walk in, and locking the door. “Sleepovers” - only if he’s not expected home that night at all. And I don’t believe anyone would look askance at a girl who imposed those requirements, and I bet that’s what GF’s roomie is doing.
As far as the “being there all the time” issue is concerned - personally I wouldn’t have a problem with that, as long as she knocks before she comes in - if he’s having a shower or something he can always take his clothes into the bathroom, I don’t see a big deal with that. But I don’t think it’s at all unreasonable of him to insist on some times of the week he can have a bit of space.
Now my situation is probably not your usual…
I started dating hubby during his freshman year of college (actually we were ‘official’ the day before moving day, and I was still a senior in HS). I actually stayed over most weekends through the 4 years of college, and I lived at home when I went to college. (Hubby would come to my house during some weekends too to give his roomates a break, or when he needed one. He didn’t live far from home either.) Actually neither of our parents were crazy about us spending so much time together 
It was discussed beforehand with his roomate to make sure it was okay, even though I felt a bit awkward at first and there were a few times we were interrupted. 
So we learned our lesson there. His roomate would ask sometimes why I didn’t take a shower in the morning, even though I was headed home - I felt uncomfortable making myself that much at home at first. The suite config was 2 doubles and 1 single all sharing a bathroom.
From there on out, we knew the roomates hubby would be staying with and they were all cool with the fact I may spend some time there. Obviously I’d curb my stays around mid-terms/finals or when everyone was knee deep in work. If his roomie needed some alone time we’d go for a walk on campus or go elsewhere ‘to stare into each other’s eyes’ :D. Hubby would take the bottom bunk and keep a sheet up not only for privacy at night, but because most of his roomates were night owls. Plus we’d avoid any mishaps like the top bunk falling on the bottom guy! (NO! There was nookie going on, I just happened to be getting out of the top bunk and the bed shifted! The roomie was messing with the bed the night before, but swears he wasn’t!) Maybe they all liked me because I had a car and I could drive them to food n places!
Now, there were some other girls that the guys were dating, or were friends with and there was one hard and steady rule that came about after one instance. ‘No woman bearing child would spend the night.’ (Turns out of one our friends was pregnant, but not dating anyone in the circle of friends, she just needed a place to crash and I recall that was the last time our friend had her spend the night.
There was another girl that one of the guys was dating and she didn’t even go to the same school. She basically lived with this guy and the roomate for at least 2 years of college? She definitely overstayed her welcome, but she didn’t really ‘get it.’ Her boyfriend would drop hints, and so would the roomate. Eventually she got a clue or things weren’t working out and she just stopped showing up so often.
Long story short, hubby discussed it with the roomie/other parties involved and it worked for us.
I was guilty of this. I slept in her room or she’d sleep in mine. I asked my roommates if they minded when it started becoming habitual, because I didn’t want to trample all over their rights to have a room. They were all cool with it and life was good.
Almost nothing is wrong if it’s mutually agreed upon. But if Dinsdale’s son feels put upon, then he is in the right to demand that no guests sleep over every night without his permission.
I wouldn’t. I lived in a triple for two years and at that point it’s basically living in public. It’s not really that tough to change in the bathroom and hang a sheet around your bunk. Life has lots of situations where your privacy isn’t that great, and living in a dorm is one of those. There were always strange men hanging around my dorms (once I even walked in to a mess of hippies sleeping on my floor!) and you learn deal.
Like others have said, the mature and responsible thing for him to do is try to reach a compromise he can live with.
When that fails, it’s only fair that he profit from the situation. Set him up with a laptop and webcam and see if he can’t sell some “Real College Girl” footage*. “What? I thought you said my being a prude was a bad thing.”
Also, I wonder how the discussion would change if Roomie’s “girlfriend” was another boy?
*Don’t do this! I’m just kidding/making a point.
If they start screwing while he’s in the room, he should sit at the end of his bed and WATCH. When they get offended, have him tell them that, since he’s a prude, he felt he should get some pointers to be less so.
Here’s a new wrinkle - he got home from class and went to do homework, and his calculator wouldn’t work. He opened up the back and someone had turned the batteries around. Now he’s pissed - and rightfully so IMO. If NOTHING else, in a dorm you have to be able to assume your roomie isn’t going to fuck with your stuff. At this point, if he doesn’t get immediate satisfaction I’m thinking he should either call the cops or kick the other kid’s ass. (Only slightly exaggerating!)
He talked to his RA, and told us that later last night the RA was supposed to sit down with him and his roomie. Singles should be available next semester, but they have to figure out how to deal with the rest of this semester. If they don’t figure out how to work it out, switching roomies is an option. Of course you gotta wonder if the next roomie might be worse than this one.
(I wondered about him getting contact info for the GF’s parents, and calling them and asking if they would mind asking their daughter to not sleep over with their BF every night. At least there’s a possibility they might not be thrilled with hearing that!)
Wow, what a jerkish thing to do. What’s that supposed to accomplish?
What a tool. If someone did that to my calculator, I’d slay them. Don’t screw with an engineer’s toys.
I think that it’s a perfect example of the mentality of the person he’s dealing with.
Err… I know college kids can be dumbasses, but as far as pranks go that’d be pretty damn lame. “Hah hah, I turned the batteries around, now that guy will have to turn them back, burn!”
It seems more likely the roomie (or roomie’s girlfriend) needed some batteries for something else (remote, vibrator, who knows), borrowed them, got new ones or no longer needed them, put them back and were too stupid or careless to do it the right way.
Should you expect people not to mess with your batteries, even just to borrow them? Sure, I guess. But is it a huge deal? No. Certainly not calling cops or kicking ass of any sort.
As far as the girl sleeping over goes, yeah, that’s messed up, but the son needs to try to deal with it rationally and not go ape shit over batteries. And, hell, if he does, and it turns out the roommate was trying to fuck with him, that’ll just escalate things. Better his batteries than his toothbrush.
The caculator thing is a bullshit move, but I would advise your son to try to stay cool and take the high road or this could escalate into a much worse situation that it is today.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Did you actually GO to college?
We did the battery trick to a kid in my fraternity. But replace “calculator” with “hollow metal bedpost” and “batteries” with “rotten can of tunafish”. And that was someone we liked.
Unless college has changed dramatically in the past 15 years, kids fuck with each others stuff. They come home wasted at 3:00am and make noise. They bang skanky girls or sketchy dudes in their roomates bed. They stay up all night getting drunk playing “Asshole”. They bust in while YOU are banging some chick. They play their crappy music too loud. They eat your food. The build bizarre loft contraptions to sleep in. Etc, etc, etc.
I lived in a similar situation to your son in a 2x1x1 suite. The following year I lived in a fraternity house with 35 other guys (although rooms are either singles or doubles like a dorm). I found my roomates to be pains in the ass as well. I’m sure they found me to be a pain in the ass at times. Basically the lesson to be learned is you are not always going to get your way. You find ways to deal with and adapt to the situation, even if they aren’t ideal.
One thing we did with the suite though was change rooms second semester. So the two roomates got the singles and the two singles got the double. That worked out pretty well.
Let me present some alternative scenarios:
Dinsdale’s son: It sucks that Roomie’s gf is here every night.
Suitemate: You’re such a prude!
Son: So you wouldn’t mind trading rooms then, right?
Suitemate: No, I like my single.
or
Dinsdale’s son: It sucks that Roomie’s gf is here every night.
Suitemate: Not for me…I have a single.
“I hear what you’re saying and it sounds fair. Except I feel like getting laid tonight so suckit.”
Or start masterbating.
Look, the answer is so simple it should be obvious. Put another girls panties in his bed before she comes over and problem solved.
Yes I did. And I did my share of shitty things to other people. At the time, I had no concern about how those people felt. I was an ass.
If people are going to think pranks are acceptable behavior, then I have no objection to a little ass-kicking being tossed in as well. I never understood the attitude that those people who wish to fuck with others should just be allowed to get away with it, and the objects of their efforts should just put up with it, simply because “everybody does it.” EVERYBODY doesn’t do it - ASSHOLES do.
And Dan, you are more generous than I to think such an innocent mistake occurred right when they were having a dispute about something else.
The kid has every right to want some time in his room without the girlfriend around. Dorm rooms are already incredibly crowded with 2 people; adding a third makes it worse. Of course, he should expect his roommate to have visitors over sometimes, and even occasionally leave the room to allow for sex, but every night is extremely excessive. I completely disagree with everyone in this thread who called him a prude. He wants to sometimes be able to change/sleep without a girl watching him. What if someone is in the bathroom when he wants to change? What if he snores/drools and doesn’t want her seeing that? He has every right to request that she not spend every night there.
Having gone to the same school as Shagnasty, around the same time, I’d say he wasn’t exactly in the middle of the bell curve, but he’s not pulling the story out of his butt, either.
One thing that might help the son out in the negotiation is to approach it from a “What can I do to give you guys the privacy you need so that you can give me the privacy that I need?” perspective. Trying to get parental on their morality is the kiss of death to getting along with the other students involved or observing.
(emphasis mine)
But that’s the point. Those are the sort of things one does to one’s friends. Pulling pranks on someone who’s not your friend is just hostile.
The roommate needs to learn this, though, too.
That is a clever solution. I would also get a female friend to write a love note to your son saying that when she is over she really wishes to be laying across the room with him. The sex has always been mind-blowing after all. Crumple it up and leave it in a place that isn’t completely obvious but will be found at some point.
Like I said earlier, I don’t mind people having sex in front of me as long as the girls aren’t ugly. I had four female roommates at one point in an apartment and I was the only male there. I saw all of them nude at some point. It really isn’t that exciting because they had all been whiney little bitches at some point. All of them were attractive and two of them were downright hot. They were always bringing guys over and moaning and groaning. I am a sound sleeper so it didn’t bother me much. I never messed with them although one was practically a whore and my friends did.
My best friend from high school had a large F-250 pickup and a girlfriend (and plenty of cheating) on the side. He loved to have sex while vehicles were in motion so I would just drive him around while he was having sex with however and they were next to me in the front seat.
Don’t tell me this stuff is rare. I don’t seek it out yet it has happened dozens of times to me. I have had sex in front of people too. The problem is that you can’t ethically kick someone out of their own room at 1 am when they have a final exam the next day but you still need to get your rocks off. Any good roommate would just pretend not to notice.
I would say your son is a prude in a way although I understand his position. Still, in college, your norms should be different than when you are older. Unless, he is being pragmatic like she snores and makes the place a mess every day, I wouldn’t worry about it. The motives behind his thinking are a little obscure. I can sympathize if they wake him up in the middle of the over and over. That would piss me off.
***I know you didn’t say that they had sex in front of him but it could easily happen and he might be really comfortable about that part without telling you.