advice for conflicting roomate sleep schedules?

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I have a roommate who overall is an okay guy, but the huge problem we have is that he goes to sleep way earlier than me. I’ve recently built a desktop and when we first met I told him I would probably be on it a lot for gaming or school or whatever. He said it was cool and no worries. The first issue was that my monitor was right in his face (it’s a small dorm) and it would screw him over at night. I moved the furniture the best I could and now my monitor faces my bed, and doesn’t bleed out nearly as much light as it did before, and he even agreed that it may still have been bright enough to keep him up, but it wouldn’t wake him up if he were already asleep like it did before.

Now on weekends I love to stay up late and play games with my friends, and even try to not be a jerk by not using voice chat while he’s asleep. The problem is on weekends he goes to sleep around 11 or 12 and I usually like to stay on my desktop well into the morning around 7 or 8. A few minutes ago we had this huge talk where he was telling me that basically if I wanted to play games and all it was fine, but that it just shouldn’t be while he’s sleeping (apparently my mouse clicking and mechanical keyboard are too loud).

I attempted to compromise with him and told him on weekdays I never try to be in the room, and usually just game on my laptop somewhere else because I know he has classes, but asked him if it would be cool if I could just have Fridays and Saturdays to chill out late at night and game with my friends from my desktop in the room. He said that he can’t just jump on and off of sleep schedules and that if I stayed up on weekends he would be fucked and wouldn’t be able to get on his normal sleep schedule before the upcoming week started.

I even went home for spring break and brought him a pair of earplugs just in case I got too loud on my computer. He refused to use them and tonight told me that he shouldn’t have to use earplugs, and that as a human being I should never want to disturb someone who is sleeping if I don’t have too. He even told me if I needed to work on assignments I should be courteous and use the computer lab downstairs.

My issue is I don’t think I’m being unreasonable asking him to at least let me have weekends, and also wanting to do my work in the comfort of my own room even if it is late at night. He won’t use the earplugs I bought him (they were just normal airplane earbuds just to be clear. I didn’t drop any major money or anything) and the conversation ended tonight with me telling him I just wouldn’t be on my desktop while he was sleeping. What I want to know is A) how to revisit this topic so we can find a better agreement and B) what to say or tell him in order to let me at least enjoy my late night/early morning weekend gaming sessions and worn on assignments from my room. If I’m in the wrong please let me know but I don’t think I’m being unreasonable.

He claims that since he never wakes me up while I’m sleep I should do the same. However this is only because he leaves the room on his own volition while I’m sleep in an effort to be courteous. I told him it wasn’t necessary and I would just deal with him doing whatever he needed to in the room without getting pissed at him, but he just said it was whatever. A few things came up tonight about some other issues with my late night etiquette and some were valid and I even admitted they were and told him I didn’t know and would work to change them, but is there really that big of a fault on my part for wanting to use my desktop when it’s convenient for me? I don’t think it’s fair that I have to use my computer only when me roommate deems it acceptable, especially when he doesn’t even try to compromise with me due to his rigid sleep schedule. What is killing me is that I pay to live in this room just like him, and I feel it’s unfair for me to already sacrifice the time on weeknights I would use playing games, but to also sacrifice the time on weekends as well, while he loses absolutely nothing. All I am looking for is an arrangement where we BOTH put something on the table. I don’t have to stay up on Friday and Saturday nights till 8, but if I’m not at the very least I think it would be acceptable if he gave me some extended weekend time that he was okay with me being awake. My parents know about the situation and recommend I do whatever makes me happy. The say that if I’ve moved the furniture, don’t talk, and keep the volume in my headphones to a personal level there is legitimately nothing more I can do, and from there the rest of the solution is on my roomate. I even proposed on weekends I simply stay up until 3 and call it a night at that point, and it seemed like a fair deal (I get extended gaming hours and he doesn’t have to worry about me being up till 8) but he is avidly claiming my activities should stop the moment he lies in his bed. Does anyone have any suggestions for a compromise? I am perfectly fine with sacrificing my available time so long as it’s not only at my expense and exclusively to his benefit

2

You ARE being extremely unreasonable. He should NOT have to wear ear plugs or accommodate your desire to stay up gaming all night, no matter which nights.

If you must stay up all night, you need to find another place to do so.

Everyone is entitled to expect to be able to sleep comfortably, EVERY night of the week, without disturbance, while attending school. If that interferes with your ‘need’ to game, you’re the one who needs to find another location, where you will not interfere with others.

I suggest you talk to your residence advisor, get his/her opinion. I think you’ll find they’ll agree that you are the one being incredibly unreasonable. And your roommate’s sleep needs will always trump your gaming desires.

Good Luck!

3

I’ve already talked to my RLC and he has assured me that if I’m on my side of the room, not talking, playing music through my speakers, if bringing in guest after 11 that I have every right to be on my computer doing whatever it is I want (provided it’s legal) no matter what time of day it is. Hypothetically I could tell my roomate to suck it and do as I please regardless. I’m not asking if I’m in the wrong or not because according to my RLC and RA I’m not. What I want to know is if there is a reasonable compromise that can be made. I have no problem sacrificing some of my computer time, in fact I do it every night from Sunday to Thursday because my roomate has classes. I don’t even have an issue sacrificing some of my weekend time. I don’t have to play games till 8, but at least give me a better option than shutting everything I’m doing down as soon as you get tired

4

You could try getting a non-mechanical keyboard for after-hours. I know how nice mechanicals are, but they are noisy.

You could try making a sort of blanket fort with a comforter, to help deaden the sound.

But your best option is just to take you laptop to the common room and do your gaming where people aren’t trying to sleep. It’s the mature thing to do, along with getting over the notion that your roommate should have to give up something, too.

The good news is, the less time you spend agonizing about this, the more time you’ll have for relaxing games. Also, you can use your voice chat in the common rooms. You might even make friends with some other people in the building and get your own squad for games times. Then you can all go game in their rooms, where nobody minds.

Plus, your roommate has it in his power to make your life a living hell, even if you’re trying to compromise. Being cooperative about this minimizes the hassle and headaches you’re going to face as you head into finals.

As a fellow gamer, one of the things we’re really good at is identifying problems and finding the most efficient solution. The most efficient solution in your case is to let it go and do your night time gaming where you won’t bother anyone. It may not be the fairest solution, strictly speaking - but it’s the solution that will net you the best result.

5

If you have somewhere else to game when he is sleeping you should go somewhere else. Period. The priority for a shared room should be for the person who is sleeping.
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6

I usually do use my laptop outside of the room on weekdays, however for gaming it’s more on the lower end, and usually causes me more headaches than it does entertainment, but none the less if anything needs to be done on a weeknight I make it a point to never use my desktop. On weekends however I believe that I should be able to treat myself and use the expensive machine that built and enjoy my games.

Moving to the lobby has crossed my mind, but the noise and time to move everything back in the room at 8 or 9 in the morning would probably be an equal source of complaining as my staying in the room. I want to just let this roll off of my back but so far it just feels like most people don’t understand where I’m coming from which is a tad frustrating. I’m not keeping my roomate up every night, and I’m even willing to significantly reduce my weekend session times. But nobody seems to really understand the fact that for every weekday night my roomate enjoys his 8 o clock bed time, I’m sacrificing time and fun with my own friends. And when I attempt to reach a compromise I’m usually told that I’m being unreasonable. I’ll even get a new keyboard if that helps, but at the very least I’d appreciate it if someone would note that my wanting to relax and unwind during late night weekends is just as important to me as his sleeping. I do everything I can to make sure his weekday nights are as peaceful as ever, but asking him to try a set of earplugs and give me an extra 2 or 3 hours after he lies down is apparently a selfish and unreasonable request.

Sorry for the small monologue. I understand what you’re saying and that will most likely be how this situation plays out, I just wish people would see that I’m unnecessarily getting an end of the stick which is much shorter than it has to be

7

Well the issue is that I don’t. The complaint from my roomate isn’t so much my gaming as it is his waking up. I’ve entertained the idea of moving my computer, monitor, cables, wires,etc. To the lobby, but that would wake him just as effectively as me being in the room, doubly so because I would have to move everything back once I was finished. He knows that I only play on my desktop because my laptop is a simple device that’s been gutted to do nothing more than use the Microsoft office suite. I could ask him how moving to the lobby at night would make him feel, but based on what we discussed I’m sure he would say it would just be an inconsiderate disruption. None the less I will ask.

8

Your treat can’t come at the expense of someone else’s sleep schedule. When you are able to arrange living accommodations so that you don’t have to share sleeping space, then you “deserve” that treat.

It’s not a matter of not understanding. We understand. You like to play games all night on the weekend. The issue is that your liking to do that doesn’t trump your roommates need to sleep, even on the weekend.

Sleep is not something you fuck with. He’s exactly right—screwing up his sleep schedule on weekends means he is fucked the rest of the week, and that means being fucked for studying or for work.

No, it’s not. It’s just not. Screwing up someone’s sleep schedule can screw up their grades, screw up their work, cause accidents, and fuck you up in the short and long term.

Waiting a year or two until you have a chance to get a new roommate with a compatible sleep schedule or an apartment with your bedroom will be frustrating, but it will not fuck you over.

Your situation is unfortunate and shitty, but nearly everyone has an unfortunate and shitty roommate situation in early adulthood. He can’t compromise on his sleep. It’s a physical, mental, emotional, professional, educational, etc., necessity.

Yes, it’s unfortunate you are limited in enjoying your favorite pastime. You know what though, you have options. This might be a good opportunity to try out some other hobbies or pastimes. If you’re in college, that’s the perfect time and place to try different things. Or this might be a good opportunity to find out if sleeping a normal eight hours every night of the week actually makes you feel better throughout the week.

9

You need to live on your own, in future, to accommodate your ‘need’ to game through the night a couple of times a week. The school year is almost at an end, you ought to just suck it up and behave like a mature adult in a shared space, and respect his very reasonable expectation of sleeping through the night, every night. Next year be sure to make living arrangements that will suit you better. At the very least be very upfront with any potential roommates about needing to game through the night a couple of times every week. That way you can avoid repeating this issue!

It’s a little baffling that a grown man cannot see the difference between people ‘needing’, and reasonably expecting to, sleep through the night, and someone ‘desiring’ to game through the night? In a room where someone else is sleeping!

Maybe you’ll find better accommodations next year!

10

I’ll let go for the sake of being a decent person, but you’re absolutely right about the situation being this shitty. My only question is where is the audacity in my asking him to try the earplugs? A potential solution is present and not even being given a chance. I pay money to live here just as he does, but if the reality is my money doesn’t allow me to enjoy my time while his does then I’ll be the first to admit I’m upset. No gaming will take place on any night of the week period, and I guess I’ll have to sit by as my friends enjoy themselves without me and my computer collects dust. Or I could half ass an assignment or two during the day for a chance to play for little bit, but that’s at the cost of my grades. No matter how you approach this the only person who comes up short is me. I’m upset about it and even more so because my roomate refuses to even try any alternative solutions, but if everyone insist this is in fact the reality and I am in fact the problem then fine. I’ll let it go…

11

Rest assured I read you loud and clear elbows. I see the difference between a needing to sleep and wanting to game, but in this situation a compromise of me sacrificing hours off of the ideal amount I would want and him doing the same seems equal to me. All I asked was for two extra hours after 12, and that he try the earplugs in an effort to make it easier on him, and as a result was greeted with a stern outcome that basically chalks up to his time simply trumping mine at every. Single. Opportunity. Sleep is necessary for health I understand that, and I guess it’s for that exact reason I’m about to give up interactions with my friends as well as the usage of something I built and maintained for that exact purpose.

12

I disagree that the OP is being particularly unreasonable. He’s paying as much for the shared living space as the other guy and has the same right to use it. He seems to be trying to mitigate the light and sound as much as possible but if the other roommate refuses to take any measures himself and just says “No, I’m sleeping so I win” then that’s his problem. Living together is about coming to an arrangement and it doesn’t sound as though the other guy is trying at all.

The fact that he’s gaming is largely irrelevant. Different people have different schedules. He doesn’t have any more obligation to stay out of the room during those periods than the other guy has an obligation to vacate whenever the OP demands it.

If you’re going to live in a dorm and you’ll “be fucked” if people keep you up at 2am on a weekend – well, you shouldn’t be living in a dorm. If it’s not someone on a computer, it’s people coming back from the bars or having people over in an adjacent room or playing music/TV or having loud sex or whatever. Life doesn’t shut down in college at 11pm Friday night just so you can get your beauty sleep. Learn to adapt or find your own solution. This guy sounds like he has zero interest in doing either.

13

The people who are making noise near—or especially in—someone else’s bedroom during normal sleeping hours are being assholes, even if they are in college, and even if they are living in a dorm. There’s no asshole pass for that.

14

This is my point in a nutshell. I feel that if I’m paying to live in this dorm just as you are my time should be as valuable as well. Having to stop what I am doing on his whim is unfair to me especially after I’ve moved the furniture, dimmed the monitor, use headphones, and don’t use voice chat in the later hours. On top of all this I’m still willing to cut my schedule short provided he gives me one or two more extra hours after 12. Even with all of this on my part I don’t think it’s fair to call me inconsiderate when he refuses to even try the earplugs or talk to me so we can attempt to find an acceptable middle ground that doesn’t involve me dropping everything im doing the moment he lies down

15

Nah, they’re being college students. Living typical college student lives, doing college student (and young person in general) things.

11pm on a Friday night isn’t a “typical sleeping hours” for most people age 14 through… well, into your 30’s probably, really.

16

But that’s the point. You don’t have to drop everything you’re doing. You just have to go do it somewhere else. He, on the other hand, has no where else he can go where he can sleep. You have options. You could play on your laptop. You could even move your computer early in the evening, before he gets into bed, if you’re going to insist on playing on your desktop. You can probably even buy yourself a 3ds and play under your covers, if you’re discreet. Bravely’s getting a sequel next week; that ought to be fun.

He is entitled to get a good night’s sleep in his own bed and you are too damn old to play the “it’s not fair” card, especially when you have plenty of options for handling the situation. Pick one and make the most of it.

17

Had a similar situation in school myself - and I will comment that some people can not sleep with earplugs in, headphones on [earbuds? Seriously? The rigid kind are torment unless they fit perfectly…] and some people are very light sleepers. [I sleep like a rock when I can get to sleep, unfortunately I am both an insomniac and have segmented sleep which can be an issue]

I like the idea of a comforter fort - is it possible to rig up some sort of surround for your computer desk? Over on RocketNews24 they occasionally show articles about little cubes for people to work or study in to isolate the sounds of the person on the computer, but that may not be an option.

18

Moving my setup out of the room early wouldn’t be an issue at all, but once I’m done in the lobby the process of carrying all of my equipment back into would hands down be loud enough to wake him up way harder than a keystroke on a mechanical keyboard ever could. It’s not my gaming that’s the inherent problem to him, it’s ANYTHING that wakes him up. The “late night etiquette” we discussed ran from things such as me opening the door too loud to go to the restroom in the middle of the night (I promised him I was doing it as softly as I could as couldn’t be any more quite than I already was) to my opening the fridge anytime I needed a drink of water during the night. Moving my computer back into the room would 100% piss him off and that’s something I can guarantee.

As far as laptops go for the most part my laptop is just for school work. It can handle the occasional crappy flash game, but compared to the thing’s my friends and I play on weekends there’s no way in hell my laptop would be able run it in an effective fashion. On the subject of my wanting to play on my desktop either I drop everything I’m doing or have him lecture me about how loud I am moving my computer back into the room. In spite of all of this no one seems to notice that he has yet to try the earplugs. Once again moving my computer in and out of my room every weekend is something I’d rather not do, but if it didn’t bother my roomate (which it would) I would do it. However he avidly refuses to try the earplugs even though they just might be exactly what he looking for

19

He said he’s playing with his friends as part of his socialization with them. Playing a DS under the covers isn’t going to work. Likewise, saying he should move his while desktop (which probably is connected via Ethernet) to some other place (where?) but this guy can’t be bothered to try earplugs or anything else is just silly.

If you have a roommate, you learn to adapt. That doesn’t mean just throwing a fit because the other guy isn’t meeting your demands 100%.

20

I think you need to stop feeling like you’re making some huge sacrifice every time you ‘let’ him sleep through the night. Yes to, ‘it’s his bedroom’ and it’s exceedingly reasonable for him to expect to be able to sleep through the night. EVERY night. You’re not entitled to bargain away any of his nights of sleep, because you really want to stay up 4 nights a week!

Also, ‘I’m just going to wake him up anyway when I come back in!’ Sounds cringingly childish to me.