Right, so many of you have probably already read threads by me before.
I’m a freshman at Drexel University in Philadelphia, I’m painfully shy, and I’m a Comp Sci major, so there are no women in my classes.
I’m feeling rather lost and hopeless as to how I can meet people, preferably women. I figured parties are the best bet. Well, after browsing pictures on our colleges party site, I was rather shocked and a little scared of some of the behaviors I saw. Basically after looking at the site I have come to the realization that parties aren’t for me. I probably wouldn’t want to get involved with a girl who drinks, smokes pot, or does some of the semi-raunchy stuff that seem to go on at said parties. So I need an alternative.
I’m asking for alternate nightlife suggestions, if such a thing exists. I really, really want to meet women. Hell, one would be fine. Quite frankly, I’m absolutely desperate. Where should I go? What should I look for? Is it hopeless?
Clubs. I don’t mean the dancin’ kind, either. Well, kinda. Read on.
Odds are you either have billions of chalk drawings all over the sidewalks, or fliers duct taped to the ground. I prefer the chalk, myself, as it usually looks nicer and washes away on its own. Anyhow, these are usually advertisements for various clubs. If, by some chance, you don’t have either of these methods of enticement, peruse your school’s website or newspaper for mention of clubs and student activities you can join in. Find something (preferably outside your major) and jump in.
Swing dancing clubs are a good choice, because swing dancing is cool, the whole POINT of the club is to dance with women, and there are usually tons more women than men. Other good choices might be the student newspaper or the radio station.
Mainly, I’d say, get out and do things YOU like, and don’t worry about TRYING to meet the ladies. They can sense it if you’re trying. So just go out and have fun and find someone who enjoys the same stuff as you.
Although I’m kinda in the same boat, so maybe you don’t wanna listen to me.
I understand you are a Comp Sci major. Do you not take any general education classes? Or how about taking a fun elective next semester?
You might want to look into some sort of all-ages indie music scene, if that sounds interesting to you. Drinking and drugs are prohibited, most people are cool and nice, and there’s good music.
In addition to the excellent ideas other posters have mentioned, try studying / hanging out at the student union or a coffee shop instead of in your room, and you’ll get more opportunities to introduce yourself to people in a casual, low-key way. However, I’d also suggest that you might want to keep an open mind about girls who occasionally drink or smoke pot. There’s a big difference between indulging now and again and doing these things to excess, and you’d probably be writing off some interesting, intelligent people.
I think you are going to limit your options a lot with that attitude. If you’re serious about meeting someone, you have to be open and accepting about what they do, at least early on. You can’t expect a girl you casually date or hang out with to “have to put a stop to” anything they do just for you. It’s not like we’re talking serious drug use (cocaine/heroin) here.
Soapy hun…you know I love ya…but sheesh…you’re really limiting yourself there. Be open. Don’t have so many pre-existing conditions. You’re crippling your chances from the get-go. Naturally you don’t want to hook up with a substance abuser, but anything in moderation isn’t a bad thang.
And do you think I’m that bad of a catch? I indulge, as you’re well aware of, and you like me
Well, the smoking issue is one thing. But do you really feel that strongly about occasional drinking? I think you’re writing off a significant proportion of college-age women if you’re totally opposed to it.
This is a horrible cliche, but joining a club or student organization can open up lots of new possibilities. Are you religious at all? A religious-based student organization would probably contain more women who don’t party as much. Pick something that interests you. Like Garfield226 said, don’t worry too much about meeting someone. Women can smell desperation and it’s not attractive.
I’m not religious at all. I used to be a Christian, but I’m not even gonna go into that story. I’m in a club here at school (Circle K) that does community service on the weekends. I figure that just being myself will lead to good things eventually, but it gets harder with time, seeing as how I’ve been myself for 19 years and my life and experiences have yet to yield anything of significance.
And as for not worrying about meeting someone and just doing what I’d want to do, well…if I did what I wanted to do, I wouldn’t leave my dorm room at all during the night hours, so “doing my thing” sure as hell won’t amount to jack shit.
I, for the most part, agree with you about not wanting someone who drinks, smokes, or does drugs (including pot). Occasional drinking might not be too bad, but the great majority of drinkers here go out every weekend or almost every weekend, and get DRUNK. That’s the majority of drinking that I’ve seen here, and it’s too much for me.
I don’t think it’s unreasonable. Yes, you are limiting your options, but if it’s worth it to you, by all means don’t lower your standards.
You could also do what I did, bake a couple pies and watch the women flock to your room and be impressed.
Meet women online! Seriously, I’ve done it before, and I’ve gotten better dates from online contacts than from any kegger I’ve ever been to. Set up an Instant Messenger profile with an interesting hook, join Friendster and start networking, or try something else like that. It really can happen to you–and you don’t even have you leave your dorm room!
You’re in Philadelphia and you can’t find something to do? I mean, it’s not NYC, but if you can’t find something to do in a major city that doesn’t involve drinking alcohol, then you aren’t trying.
Which, I suspect, is the entire point here. You aren’t trying. You looked at online pictures instead of actually going to the party itself? Why don’t you go and see for yourself what they’re like? I’ve been to a bunch of college parties and while there were many “extroverted” girls, there were also tons that weren’t. Naturally, the ones making the biggest scene get the pictures taken.
So here’s what you do. Go to a party. And if you don’t like it, then go wander around South Street or something and find the coffeeshops and other stuff. It’s not rocket science.
Take a cooking class, or (if you’re willing to really get wild and crazy), a wine tasting class. You’ll meet lots of girls there. Swing dancing lessons are a good idea too, whoever mentioned that. Those were good times…
And I agree with Neurotik. I never cared for college parties either, but at least I went to a few (OK, a lot!) and experienced them for myself before writing them off. I don’t want to sound harsh, but it seems like you’re not going out of your way to experience much, and that’s what college is all about.
Well, it’s good that you recognize this fact about yourself. Now you can do something about changing it. The internet can be a good medium for meeting other people. But unless you are willing to settle for relationships that only consist of instant messaging from your dorm room, you’re going to have to get out there and be social.
Plenty of kids don’t drink or smoke tobacco or marijuana. However, pretty much everyone drinks, underage or not.
I suggest you take a look at the student organizations(clubs) at your school. There’s usually a big list of them somewhere.
Besides, some parties are relatively tame… I think you’ve taken an unfair prejudice towards them. They’re not ALL big hedonistic orgies filled with bad music and fratboys. There are some you can have fun at. I should know, I’m 19 and I’m straight-edge like yourself.
Well…we have cops just patrolling campus, and every person on EARTH knows what goes on at college parties, cops included. Maybe if they’d bust in on a few from time to time, and get some kids expelled, that would put the fear into them and they would stop that kind of behavior.
