College social life

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I came to Drexel thinking that things would be different here than they were in high school, but I appears that I am wrong. After my first week here, everyone has already formed their little cliches.

Being a shy individual, this is usually a telltale sign that I’m screwed big time. I’m not the kind of person who can just walk into someone’s room and introduce myself. I leave my door open, which is right near the elevator, but no one ever says “hi” or stops to talk.

I was hoping that at some point maybe even this year I could have some female friends so that I would have some dating options down the road, but that’s a lost cause as of right now. My dorm is the last one before the girl’s wing of the building begins, so they always pass by, but again, no one says “hi.”

And out walking the streets of Philly, all the girls I have seen so far that I was attracted to were either with their boyfriends or in cliches with numerous guys who have pretty much called dibs on them. You know how it goes.

I’m a computer science major so the amount of girls in my classes are next to nil. I don’t know what to do. I don’t drink, so the idea of a party scares me, but it might be the only place I have to go where I might have a chance at meeting someone.

If any of you can offer any insight or personal experience I would greatly appreciate it. It would be really great if maybe some shy guys could give me some of the pointers they used in finding a past or current SO. Any help would be great. I’m desperate.

2

Parties are crucial. Clubs are good too.

3

Fraternities are a good way to meet people, and you don’t have to fit a particular mold to join one. There’s pretty much one on campus for every “type” of guy.

4

If you don’t pass by other open doors and say hi, you can’t expect others to do so.

I’d say not to worry about finding a girlfriend, you’re looking desperate. However, I’m still single, so don’t listen to what I say.

Oh yeah, I went to a grand total of two parties in all my college years. Try joining a club or something if there is one?

5

I’m a second-semester freshman at Shippensburg. Since I’m also quite a bit older than the average freshman (32 to 18), I made it a point to get active with the campus TV and radio stations, the non-traditional students’ group, and with the Jewish students’ group. I’ve also been able to meet people in my classes.

Try getting active in the Computer Science club (which is also good for professional networking), your particular religious organization, or maybe a group about something you’re interested in. Basically, just find something you like and get involved. I promise you’ll have friends in no time.

Also, the Philly Dopers (of which I am occasionally one) do stuff. Check MPSIMS periodically.

Good luck at Drexel!

Robin

6

Wow, it’s me from 1995.

You’ve been there just a week. All is not lost. The people you talk to in the first week of college aren’t necessarily going to be your best friends for the next four years.

What to do?

Keep your door open. Talk to people on your floor. Ask them if they want to go down to the dining hall and get some lunch or dinner. If any of them are in one of your classes, see if they want to study together. Yeah, they may be male comp sci students, but I bet they know some women, and even if they don’t, they may know someone who knows someone who may have two X chromosomes.

Join some clubs. Don’t go overboard, but find one or two that catch your interest. Maybe even try one that you don’t normally do, but would like to learn.

Go to parties if you want, but don’t feel pressured to drink. Not every party is a booze-soaked bingefest, but they’re out there. There ain’t no shame in leaving a party because you feel like you don’t fit in.

And talk to people. Anyone, everyone, anywhere and any time. You don’t want your freshman year memories to be nothing but “I sat in my dorm room and futzed around on the internet all year”. Trust me on that one.

Don’t look at any given woman as a potential date. Say hi, talk to them, and forget about “if you don’t make a pass, then you’re stuck in the friend zone forever”. That’s a crock. And even if one opportunity passes you by, there are a hella lotta eligible women your age in Philly. (Just stay away from my sister! You lay one finger on her, and so help me god…)

And even if your freshman year is a wash, all really honestly is not lost. I didn’t meet my closest college friends until the second semester of my junior year. The organizations I ended up in - fencing, juggling, crappy low budget movies, Quiz Bowl - ended up being a source of friends and dates.

Go out there. Have fun. If you’re still single at the end of the year, who cares? You’re not the only guy in that situation.

And there’s always next year with a new crop of freshman women. Awwwyeah.

7

Yeah, it’s a bit harder after the first few weeks. My advice is to join some societies, knock on your neighbours doors (you might not get on with all of them, but few people should mind and most people should appreciate you making the effort.), try and go further with anyone you meet: if you meet someone in the corridor, introduce yourself, if you’ve introduced yourself to someone, say ‘come round for coffee’, and so forth.

IMHO don’t think about dating, it just makes you awkward. I know I could never take this advice, but really try. Don’t be self-conscious about doing computer science (I don’t know if you are or not, but a lot of shy people are), specifically avoid playing yourself down because of it. IME no-one else reall cares.

8

Take some non-CS classes! Find some more liberal-arts classes that you’re interested in.

Right on, lel. Leaving your door open is good, but if you never stop by another person’s open door, you can’t expect them to stop at yours. Taking the initiative is difficult when you’re shy, but getting past the shyness is worth it. Most people are nice :).

Activities, activities, activities. You might meet people in classes, but extra-curriculars are the way to meet people in a more social setting. Are there any club sports you like? How about political groups, exercise classes. If you’re looking for something with a good female/male ratio, try a yoga class.

Good luck! I found my first few weeks of college to be pretty intimidating and lonely too. I ended up meeting some really great people though, but only when I took the initiative to meet people, instead of waiting for others to meet me.

9

Join a club. My guess is – if you’re shy and aren’t comfortable around alcohol – greek life won’t do you any good. Stay away! There isn’t anything a fraternity could’ve offered me that I didn’t find elsewhere. In fact, I think a frat would’ve actually hindered my social life in college.

Show up at meetings for things that interest you (or at least interest the people you want to meet). If there’s an outing club at your school, take a weekend trip camping or boating. It’s a great way to meet a small group of happy people. I think one of the keys to making friends is gaining name and facial recognition. Put your name on your door. Eat lunch in the same place when you can.

Whether you’re active in a club or not, make sure to spend some time away from your desk. Take work that you would normally do in your room to the library, dining hall, or even a lounge down the hall. Study with people from class and you’ll be meeting people while getting work done.

I know plenty of people whose social lives didn’t bloom until the spring semester. Don’t stress about it. Odds are there are other people like you looking for friends. Keep an eye out for open doors.

-wm

10

Dance class. Take a dance class. It’s good excercise, chicks LOVE to dance, it’s a skill that will hold you in good stead for the rest of your life. It’s a class so you’re EXPECTED to be a beginner, and there are never enough guys in the dance classes.

Shyness doesn’t cure itself. I oughta know, I’m incredibly shy and it really does a number on my ability to interact socially. See if you can find some resources dealing with shyness, but you can only blame yourself if you cop out. No one will go out of their way to help you with this one.

Don’t worry about the not drinking business. That just means you’re less likely to say something really stupid. If you’re concerned about how it looks, Martinelli’s in a glass looks like Corporate Beer. No one needs to know unless you tell them.

11

If you don’t like the idea of parties or dance clubs, don’t go to them. I’ve never been into that scene either. The people that I met there just weren’t the type of people I wanted to be friends with. Majority of my college friends were either roommates, classmates, neighbors, or people they knew.

Not all your classes are going to be computer science classes. There will be basic classes that everyone has to take. You can meet a variety of interesting people that way.

Also don’t look at girls as potential dates or girlfriends. It’s a big turn off to me to know that that is the motive behind a guy talking to me. I’d like to think that I have more to offer a person than romantic involvement.

Just relax and be yourself. You’ll find better friends that way.

12

Oh, and now’s a good time to change yourself if you want to. You’re leaving behind everyone who knows you’re shy, so in fact it’s quite likely that you will change simply because who you are has got out of step with the rut your in due to knowing the same people for years at school. (Well, that’s what happened to me.)

My point is that if you knock on a couple of doors, and so forth, it’s quite possible that in a year you’ll be the only person who thinks of you as ‘shy’.

13

I plan on doing that once I get to choose some of my courses.

No way in hell will I play a sport of any kind. I nearly die from embarrassment when I try. No offense to women, but according to the saying “I throw like a girl” because I was taught by a girl. My father never invested the time so my mom tried to teach me to throw and catch so I wouldn’t makes as much of an ass of myself in gym class. Oh, and yoga is out too. I don’t bend like that. I almost got into trouble in gym because my teacher thought I was lying when I said I couldn’t even touch my toes.

14

You sound a lot like me. I’m fairly shy, don’t drink, and hate big parties. And for the first two years of college, I was miserably alone.

My freshman, year, I had two people I talked to a bit, but didn’t really consider friends. And then they transferred out after that first year. My sophomore year was miserable. I never made any attempt to talk to or befriend anyone, so I was alone all year long. (Due to fortunate/unfortunate circumstances, I never really had a roomate)

Junior year I got better. What helped? Just saying ‘Hi’ to people. When you’re walking around campus, down the hallways, etc… When you make eye contact with someone, smile genuinely and say ‘Hi.’ Or just nod your head in greeting. Not only does this help you with being shy, but it also shows others that you’re a friendly guy, and you suddenly become more approachable. Seriously, at the beginning of my senior year this fall, I was greeted by all sorts of people who recognized me from last year. I couldn’t even remember meeting half of them.

Of course, joining various extra-curricular activities and clubs are great plusses too. Definitely go out and find a few you like. And don’t just join them, but get active in them. Do they need someone to make up some flyers to hand out? Offer to make or distribute them. Are they electing club officers? Join in the running! The more active you are out and around other people, the more you’ll interact with them and you’ve got better chances of starting up a good friendship.

Get involved now, and save yourself from hardship later. If you wait around hoping someone will start talking to you out of the blue, you’ll be waiting for a long time. Trust me.

15

Probably not the best idea, since that will result in my not talking to anyone unless spoken to.

16

I felt the same way myself after my first week or two at school. Take heart, though, the cliques that develop right off the bat almost never last. Mine sure didn’t, and I thank my stars for that.

You’ll almost unavoidably get to know the people you live with/near, unless you’re a total hermit. Which, from your OP, you’re clearly not. Parties are fun, and a good thing to do, but not always a great way to actually meet people. In my experience.

17

Holy red flag. Female friends != dating options. Once you’re in the friend zone, it’s already too late. Don’t get me wrong - having female friends is great. Not only for the friendship (and a female perspective can be very useful at times), but also because your female friends may know other females you could meet, which may present dating opportunities and get you laid. Just don’t make the mistake of becoming friends with someone with the hope of turning that into something more in the future. Nobody wins.

18

Upon reviewing my post, it looks like I imply that not drinking and partying led to me being miserable. That’s not true. I still don’t drink or party, and I’m doing just fine now.

19

You can still try and find something that is aimed at complete beginners. There’s bound to be other people in the same position, who’d like to have some fun without the pressure of playing someone good.

Try a slightly more unusual sport such as fencing, and hope that it’s then as new to everyone else as it is to you.

I nerved myself into going to the ballroom dancing society in the first few weeks - one of the best things I ever did. It was stiff with people (including girls :slight_smile: ) who had two left feet, and over time I became fairly good.

20

This sounds like a really, really bad idea to me. Dating a girl you know nothing about just seems like asking for trouble. Hell, it might as well just be a blind date if you barely know the person.

Having a preliminary relationship with someone seems like it would make the transition to romantic relationship easier.