Pretty much what people have been saying. There should be some sort of fair or a website that has basic info about the fifty billion clubs available near you, wander around and pick a few that look fun.
Watch the attitude about girls. Girls be people too, just like you. (And many of them just as shy.)
Is alcohol allowed in the dorm? My roomate and I have met quite a few people in our apartment complex just sitting outside our door Friday nights listening to music and drinking beer. If someone talks to you, be nice and offer one. Might feel like your buying friends, but it will probably work and none of the people I’ve offered a drink to has accepted. And I know you said you don’t drink, but you could always just sit their with a bottle of beer filled with water or something…
I’m pretty antisocial by nature, but I’m doing alright so far (junior year). My freshman year was pretty much what you described, except I had a girlfriend at home, 1000 miles away. (Incidentally, we were friends before we started going out.) I didn’t have any friends at school, though, and I don’t drink or make myself real available socially. The thing is, just by accident, I’d have about three or four little run-ins a day that led to small talk. Maybe you’re waiting for the elevator, sitting in a classroom before class starts, whatever, there’s opportunity to meet people without any real strain.
I’ll let you in on a little cheat move I use if I absolutely need it. Ask a mundane question, maybe one you already know the answer to. “What’s the date today?” Oh look, the girl two desks up is answering you. Bang. It’s hard to look like a real loser asking something like that, and the ice is broken. Worse case scenario, they answer dismissively or don’t answer, in which case you’re no worse off than if you sat in the corner silent. More realistically, they’ll be pretty receptive. Think of it like this: even if you’re the shyest, most inept kid on campus, that means everyone else is more willing to meet and befriend a stranger than you are. In that case, you’re golden. And if, as I suspect you fear, you run into somebody who isn’t real gregarious, what are they going to do? Yell at you? They’re probably in the same boat as you- they feel awkward around strangers. There’s nobody in the world who is, shall we say, actively antisocial- nobody wants to meet you so they can belittle you. Well, maybe in high school. Anyway, what I’m trying to say is, most of the students at your school will be either
A. Shy like you, but possibly hoping somebody will talk to them, or
B. Outgoing and gregarious, and meet people on a daily basis.
One last note- it would probably be to your advantage to try to talk to people when they’re by themselves… groups are intimidating. Although now that I think about it, you just posted to this board asking strangers for personal advice, which I’d probably be too shy to do… maybe you should be giving me advice.
Soapbox Monkey, I’m going to give you the advice I have given others… “you can’t meet new people doing the same old things.” This means that YOU have to make a change and YOU have to take a risk in order to find a more satisfying way of living. Expecting other people to work hard at becoming your friend, when you won’t make even a tiny step in their direction, is irrational.
There are sports other than those which require ball-throwing (fencing, equestrian team, hockey, ultimate… just a few examples).
There are art classes and dance classes and excercise classes. Audition for the theater, or, if you don’t feel like acting, try working backstage. Get involved with something, anything.
If you truly feel that you are unable to escape your comfort zone in even the smallest way, speak to a counsellor (it’s free through your college) to get some ideas on changing your behavior in positive ways.
yeah, that was me a few years ago. and to some extent I still hold on to some of those qualities now (only because I would feel lost without them, since I’ve had them for so long).
all the ideas in this thread are good ones. I tried dancing (the jitterbug and swing) and I got really good at it. going to the dancing parties was a bit tough for me since I was still shy. I remember this one girl who I’d been making eye contact with for about 30 minutes. then the band played Mack the Knife by Bobby Darin, and I just though to myself, " **** it!!! I like this song, and I’m going to ask that girl to dance with me!" when I finally made it across to the dance floor and asked her, she said to me, “It’s about friggin time!”
If dancing isn’t your thing, don’t sweat it, there are other “sports” that I became really good at in college: Pool, Bowling, Darts, and Bocce. and most are better with a small group of people… and you can usually meet people doing these activities too.
don’t look for the dating opps, that’s why I did for the longest time and I never got anything out of it. just look for quality friends to hang out with. Regardless of any outcome, you’ll never feel lonely if you’ve got that much.
just add me to the list of supports Soapbox.
As a prof. and academic advisor I hear your woes quite often SM. People have given you all the advice you need in this thread for what to do about your dilema. Hello Again gives wonderful advice, and I think the main point of that post was to say that you need to step out on a limb. College may seem like highschool, but I assure you it is totally different. Act like an adult and you will be treated as such.
I’ll not advocate underage drinking, however, I will say having a glass of wine or other such beverage is a great way to open up to someone, or a certain situation. As long as you are in a safe environ, it may be a great way to talk to people as well. I’m not sure, is Drexel is a dry campus or not…care to shed some light on that.
I see students walking aruond campus with their heads down, listening to music with ear phones, and generally emiting an aura of “Stay Away I don’t want to talk” - and it appears to work. Other students have come up to me asking about how to cure the freshman blues, and I always tell them to go where the people are. Floor meetings are a great way to get involved and to meet someone. Why not start your own club SM? **Pick something you like to do, draft a flyer, and do it. **
Someone mentioned Dancing, this would be wonderful. Most guys think Dance classes are for a more female clientel. If you were to take a dance class, the girls would be thoroughly impressed. Then after class sometime if you over hear that a group of people are going somewhere to eat or whatever, ask if the place is any good - then I bet you get an obligatory, “…do you want to join us?” This is how it usually happens.
You are talking to all of us right now right>? Why can’t you talk to others like you are here? Because you are not typing your responses to questions? Assign people mental usernames, and see if that works…
I think I met most of my friends in college through involvement in various club activities. It really is a great way to get to know people, you’re almost certain to have at least one similar interest with anyone you meet this way (you both joined the same club, after all!), and you get the chance to find out what people are like when they’re sober.
Oh, and don’t listen to anyone who tells you that you need to drink to be social. It’s just plain not true, and if you decide to start drinking then it should be because you want to and not because you feel like you must. Also remember that you can go to parties where other people are drinking and not drink yourself! I did this myself, although I often made an early exit when others started to get too obnoxious.
Soapbox, no worries. You know why those little cliques are formed? Not because the people are so incredibly cool and are inclined to hang out with nobody but each other. Nope, it’s because they are also away at college and don’t know anyone else. They may seem like they don’t like you, but that may be because you haven’t shown any interest in them. Once you have established your four best friends of your freshman year, you’ll have the appearance of a “clique”, too. So don’t quickly write off the people who already seem to have made friends. Guess what - if you befriend just one or two of those people, you enter into a whole circle of friends.
Also, don’t be so quick to reject those things that you “could never do”. I signed up for yoga this semester even though I could easy compete for Queen of Inflexibility. And for the first time in my life, I can lean over and grab my feet! Of course, it took me two years at college to convince myself sign up for it, but try to adapt your mindset now. You can do those sort of things if you want to. I mean, if you don’t now, will you ever?
Now that I’m off my soapbox 
, here’s more to add to the long list of advice…
People have been tossing around the fraternity question, so I’ll make a suggestion about that. Besides clubs, there are lots of professional fraternities out there that have all the good social and leadership-building activites of social fraternities, plus special interest activities. I’m going to medical school but I’m very strongly involved in Sigma Alpha Iota, the professional women’s music fraternity, and it’s great to have a relief from working in labs all week. As far as alcohol, it’s virtually nil - if we are at a Mexican restaurant for a sisterhood meeting, a few may order a daiquiri, but drinking while wearing letters is a huge no-no. I would definitely suggest a professional fraternity if you’re looking for lifelong friends with common interests.
On the flip side, target those people in your CS classes who will not only be great study buddies, but awesome people to hang out with on the weekend. Follow up Jimmy Chitwood’s excellent “What’s today’s date?” icebreaker with a big grin and a “thanks”. Next time you wander in class, you’ll feel more comfortable saying things like, “So, do you feel ready for the quiz today?” or whatever may be applicable.
I personally think that sticking your head in someone’s dorm room and saying hi is somewhat out of my comfort zone. I don’t think I’ve ever made any friends by randomly saying hi to someone as they walk by. Focus on immersing yourself in various groups of people, and then you have people you’ll see several times a week to at least become your casual acquaintances.
Some people just tend to have more friends of the same sex than of the opposite sex. I’m one of those people, and you may be too. When it comes down to it, I have gobs of female friends and a few guy friends (including a boyfriend). Fortunately for me, my group of friends includes people who are way better making friends with the opposite sex, and so that’s my chance to develop some friendships with guys. Don’t be so headstrong about the ladies - if you’re a relaxed guy who’s got his buddies, you’ll be fine.
Finally, I won’t promise that things will get better as you go along, but it is only the first week. You’re going to be there quite a few more, and if you get out of your room and get involved, things can change for the better. Good luck!
Well, to address <b>lovelyluka</b>, I am one of those guys who has more same sex friends. In fact, I only have one female friend. She is my best friend, and happens to be dating my best male friend. In fact, when I think about it, it’s a miracle I even became friends with her what with my severe shyness around girls.
<b>michael_trevino</b>, most of the sports you listed are probably out too, since all the people I have seen playing them are depressingly good, and in order to learn I would have to endure weeks of sucking and embarrassing myself in front of other people which is almost as frightening as death in my book.
On the club front, I think I might be too late, at least for this term. While walking to my Bio class at 1 I passed through the quad where apparently all the sign ups for clubs were being held, and when class was over, sign ups had ended. Some advance notice about that would have been really nice. thanks drexel
And apparently html doesn’t work.
No, Soapbox Monkey, you have to use vB codes. There’s a help feature you can use to find out how to bold and italicize and such.
Anyway. I was much the same way when I went to university, over 20 years ago. I knew nobody in that big, impersonal institution; and everybody seemed like they knew everybody else. Later, I found out that wasn’t the case at all; it was just that they were a little more outgoing than I was.
So I started to talk to people, much like Jimmy Chitwood suggested. It was difficult at first–I was rather shy as well–but I found that if I kept it simple and close to the topic at hand (that is, school), it wasn’t too bad. In the hallway or outside, for example, you could try simple things like the following:
– Is Professor Smith’s office on this floor, or upstairs? [Or similar.]
– Where is the Arts and Science Library? [Or any other building.]
Sitting in a classroom, before or after the lecture, you might try these on the student beside you:
– Gah, I hope the prof doesn’t do the rapid-fire delivery like in the last class we had. It was hard to keep up!
– Did you get what the textbook was saying on page 48?
– Another assignment! Argh, I’ve already got enough to do.
They’re all fairly simple things that mean nothing in the long run, and if you don’t get an answer; well, whoopee. Try somebody else next time. But you may find that they encourage a reply, that in turn encourages you to reply, and so on. The people, even if you don’t know them, will become familiar as you see them in the same classes and hallways and such, and this will lessen the “worry” about speaking with them.
Clubs and sports and things are fine ways to meet people, but some of us–and I was one of them–needed to do something a little more like I outlined in order to get to the point where we felt comfortable meeting others in those settings. Sounds like you might be that way too.
It can’t–and won’t–hurt to try. Good luck!
You can probably join clubs late. I did.
And for the record, about the yoga… I definately can not touch my toes, and that’s exactly why I signed up for a yoga class
Find a public space where you can casually hang out without feeling like you have to be talking to people, like the study lounge in your dorm or a local coffee shop. Bring a book / newspaper / journal / sketch pad so you have something to do and don’t look odd sitting there by yourself, but don’t look so absorbed that people will be afraid to approach you. You’ll meet people. Guaranteed.
Keep an eye out for fliers around campus – there are usually plenty of activities going on to interest almost everyone, and you don’t necessarily have to be in a club to participate.
You know, it took me about 30 seconds to find something cool to do at Drexel university. Shoot, I don’t even go there, in fact I’ve only been to Philly once in my life. Why not sign up for this rockclimbing trip. I’ve never known any rockclimbers who weren’t desperately eager to teach others about their sport:
I have some new advice for you:
quit yer whining and get off yer duff.
No one owes you anything. There are 10,000 different opportunities for you to meet people and do cool things. However, some effort on your part is required.
So far you’ve displayed nothing but self-destructive attitude on this thread. You’ve had lots of great suggestions – including suggestions from people who really identify with your problem – and you’ve shot every single suggestion down.
As I said before, if you really can’t break the cycle and change things up, hie yourself down to Counseling Center today not tomorrow,
http://www.drexel.edu/studentlife/chw/council_main.htm
I went to a Cal State college this year & asked 30 women to come to the aquarium for a tour & they did. U mite volunteer for a place like that.
It shouldn’t be impossible to get into any of the clubs, despite the info session having already happened. Ask around, look for fliers, and find out when the meetings are. Then just show up, say you heard about the club and you’re interested in joining. I’ve never known any club to refuse a member just because he or she didn’t sign up on the info day.
Don’t give up so easily.
Just wondering, what Cal State did you/do you attend? Were they particularly proud of the Beach? Just wondering if you’re in the area…
On to the topic… I’m having the same problem sweetie, but I think it helps to just start the random little conversations with people before class. “Hey, what do you think of this professor?” or “Hey what did you think of that last assignment?” work well. That’s usually whenb you inytroduce yourselves and ask about majors and class standing. Sometimes you make friends and sometimes you’ll never talk to the person ever again. Either way, it doesn’t hurt to try.
Kitty
Ok, pure and simple, this has nothing to do with making friends. I want a girlfriend. That is the only thing I really give a damn. I’m in computer science with a bunch of other guys with similar interests to me so finding friends in there will be no problem in time.
But I don’t want to be single til I’m 30, that’s way too long to be alone. And despite people’s advice about the “friend zone” I could NEVER ask a girl out on a date if she wasn’t a friend or I didn’t at least know her well.
Of course you want a girlfriend.
Speaking as someone who was in your shoes, except younger, the worst possible thing you can do is want a girlfriend.
Buddy, what you need to do is talk to girls as friends, treat them exactly like the guys you meet, TRY AND STAY AROUND WOMEN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE! I guaruntee you will feel more comfortable around them soon, after that, you can start to get to know them better, find out if they’re single etc. etc. You can casually slip into conversation that you’re attracted them or whatever, if they shoot you down, theres a big chance they’ll want to be friends.
Female friends are a great way to get set up with other women, they know you and probly know a girl like you looking for a date.
One thing I forgot to mention, I’m only 14 and I’ve tried making friends with a lot of girls. I have very deep friendships with 5 or 6 of them because of these. All of these girls I was attracted to, and all of them shot me down, but it’s okay, I was sad but got over it. Met another girl, have been talking with her for a while and found out not only is she great, but she’s attracted to me as well! Lesson is, keep trying, even if it hurts.