Ok Soapbox Monkey. I am going to try to help you and impart a little wisdom that everyone should know. I don’t know if you are attractive or not, but I’m sure we here on the SD could help you out a lot if you let us have our way with you. I’ve been reading some of your previous posts regarding your attitude towards sex etc, and I think I have a good idea of your situation. I am curious about where you live though, because that could be a factor. If I had to guess I would say that you are in a relatively fun school, for some people at least.
Regarding your post having to do with the guys talking about sex makes me think that it is actually like this. Also regarding the way that she touched you pisses me off because there are lots of girls like that.
I myself could have gotten involved in such a situation too, but I have been a little luckier, but I’ll try to help you as much as I can because this reminds me a lot of what I was like in High School. Its no problem, and you’ll honestly be ok.
First you have to forget about that girl. I am sure she’s very pretty and lovely, but when it ain’t working, it ain’t ever going to work. If she ever wants to make you believe that it might just so she can have someone giving her attention, then she’s a bitch.
I’ll assume that you are a nice guy at heart, and that you really do mean well, but it seems like you lack experience with girls in general outside of sex. I honestly think that you are being a little too picky. How do you look yourself? Do you think you are handsome? Thats another important thing to realize. If you have your appearances down and if you dress somewhat stylishly then you will probably be attractive to some girls. Being handsome as a guy or pretty as a girl is certainly just a question of taste.
When I was a senior in highschool, I was till a virgin too, and had never had any serious sexual contact with girls. I was megashy as well. One day this not-particularly attractive girl mentioned that she would hook up with me. She knew that I didn’t like her, but she wasn’t really all that pretty. Basically I decided that I had to quit being so picky and get some experience under my belt. Now I’m doing much better. But if there’s anyone who you may think likes you, then give her a shot. It doesn’t matter if you love her or not, you need something to build confidence. You can’t exude a little confidence and self respect if you are afraid that you’ll do something that will give someone the info that this is your first time.
I’m not really sure how it is for you. I dont’ know what your options are, but if all else fails, just call up some girl that you know you can hook up with and make yourself. And don’t worry about how she looks. You’ll be so excited the first time you see a girl naked it really won’t matter. Sure I’m sure you have seen it in pornos, but its so much more fun IRL.
About appearances. I don’t really know what people dress like in the States atm, and it will depend on what part of the country too, but try to dress more nicely. I have the feeling that you aren’t dressing well. Sure some chicks go for a more “grungy” look, but most don’t. Its always better to be shaven than unshaven, for example. I hope you don’t have long hair either because that could be a turnoff too.
So you have your new image (or not if you already look good enough) and your new outlook.
I really wish I knew a little bit more about you but I can’t say for sure exactly what you need to do. I wouldn’t say that psychiatric help is in the works unless you constantly think about your woes. If you were like me, you would be dissapointed, but most of the time content watching tv, playing computer games, surfing the net, etc. I imagine you just posted after a disppointment with her of some kind.
How do you meet new girls? Well, if I were you, being of the geeky type, like myself. I would try to enroll in honors classes and things like that. People that are more intelligent are usually more intersted in different kinds of people. Sure you’ll never be that Fraternity stud with the new BMW or SUV, but you’ll have something just from the fact that everyone is unique.
But your main problem is you focus on it too much I believe, which affects your attitude towards women. When you talk to this girl, you probably knew that you liked her from the beginning and that you started trying to get together with her from that point on. When you are a virgin, especially as you get older, you just want to get a girl as soon as possible. The problem there is that you are too aggresive and it makes you nervous. You think to yourself, “I really don’t want to screw this up! I am tired of this!” It works the same way when you have alreayd had experience. Say if you have been with anyone in a while, you start to get a little horny and you try too hard. Its not good.
So to recap you need confidence and social skills and that’s it.
so, first try and have sex with some girl that won’t make you so scared anymore.
Then afterwards just try talking to girls, but not be friends with them. Learn to pay attention to the girls signals. If you talk to the girl and she starts to groom herself, for example like fidgeting with her hair, then she likes you. If she only pays a little bit of atention, then forget about her. You need the ability to pick up on this quickly. You could ask any girl on a date within 10 minutes of meeting her and the ones that are interested in you on first glance will say yes, because when you first meet a new person and they are both single, you immediately think “how do I place this person on my ladder?” How desirable is he/she? Its very important to know when someone likes you and when they don’t. Don’t bother so much with trying to get someone who is a strong negative to turn around. It will make them have less respect for you. If you see that someone doesn’t like you, then just stop paying attention to them. It will either “A” make them question themselves, B think that you aren’t as desperate as others have heard and then reconsider. If I were you I would quit talking to this girl that you know. She’ll question herself and such. The fact that she has a boyfriend is strange. I don’t really know why you haven’t given up on her.
You have to be realistic. I am a guy who was really geeky and I still am, but I do have social skills too. But I am not one of those guys who can get any girl that I want. I can get good looking girls interested in me sometimes, but you don’t really get to choose what you want.
I know this post is very base and tends to be somewhat inconsiderate of the actual feeling part of it, but that’s just the way it has to be for now. I know some women on here will tell you that you need some little shy girl who is just like you are who you’ll fall in love with for the rest of your life. That’s pretty romantic, and it could very well happen. But it sounds like you need a serious boost of self confidence in a way that is hard to get. To become more confident around girls you need to be more confident around girls so its sort of a catch 22 that you have to break. I know this post tends to paint me as a misogynist, but I am certainly not. You just have to be realistic. You have probably been in love with a girl before that didn’t love you back. So have I. But being in love with someone that is in love with you too is a different deal, man and it isn’t what you think it will be on most ocassions. If you do get lucky enough to get a girl to fall for you then maybe you will fall in love. But when someone loves you back they have their own set of expectations and where those two don’t meet it doesn’t turn out so pretty always. I think you really need a girlfriend who you can get as soon as possible. It doesn’t matter if she is your dream girl. Just somone who like you needs a companion. And who knows maybe you’ll grow deeply in love or maybe you’ll have a violent ride. But then after that relationship you’ll have grown in a lot of ways.
One last this is not to be so scared. You have to fight the scared part. Sure when I talk to girls sometimes I get really scared. The adrenaline is pumping and I don’t like it one bit, but the more you make yourself do it the more you realize that it almost always works out for the better. Don’t be afraid of embarassment because that will only keep you from doing something that could possibly turn out ok. So what if she tells you that she’s not attracted to you? It doesn’t matter, you probably thought so anyway. Knowing that there are going to be people in this world that like you is enough, man. Unless you have some really bad personality traits like being an asshole, then people will generally like you. Geekyness is ok. Some girls are a little geeky too although they hide it.
but if you need more help, Ill talk with you over email or AIM if you like. I have been in the situation and i would like to help if you want it.