Inspired by Superdude’s thread about being single, I’ve just got to point out something that I’ve noticed.
It’s rediculously dificult to meet girls (or guys I suppose) who I might be interested in. I am 21 and live in a very busy college town, and yet can’t even seem to meet people. The big thing to do (this being a college town) is to go out to the bars, which I do on occasion with friends, and generally have a good time.
Problem: Many of the girls I seem to meet at bars frequent bars often, at least every weekend. It’s their primary form of entertainment. Boring. Shallow. Pathetic. There is nothing less attractive than a girl who can think of nothing better to do with herself weekend after weekend than get drunk downtown and try to look good for all the guys. I figure statistically there must be some girls like me (well, girls like me, but in a girl way) who are just there occasionally and might even rather be doing something else if they weren’t with friends, but it’s not like they’re wearing signs or anything.
I am involved in a lot of community activities and groups, but there is just about no one my age there. There are some “older” people (read that as 25-35), and hey, I don’t have anything against dating someone a few years older than me, but these people are even more likely to be attached, and are often married. Plus, since I am not through with school (and finishing it part-time no less… I’ll probably be 24 or so when I finish) and living at home people that age tend to look at me as a “kid” anyways.
So, when I’m not out with friends or busy with other commitments I’m at home often on weekends, reading, practicing music, or whatever. My theory is that all the people with whom I might really hit it off are also home alone wishing it was easier to meet people like me. So what’s the solution? It’s so frustrating to think that the girl of my dreams is probably sitting at home reading the Lord of the Rings wondering how she can meet me. How do non-party-goers (in general) manage to meet folks? Aaarrrggghhh!!!
So you don’t know for sure if they are attached. Ask them.
I met my husband through friends. Try asking your friends for help.
I’m 21 living at home. My sister is 26 living at home. She’s no kid either. She has 2 chitlins. My aunt is 44 and is still living at home. Don’t think she’s a kid. I don’t see nothing wrong with living at home as long as your going to school or working.
As for meeting people try getting out more. I don’t mean bars either. Go to bookstores, Walmart, the grocery store…etc. People are everywhere.
I gather that you’re not a student, but many campus organizations welcome non-students. That way you can meet some people your own age who also share your interests.
I realize alot of people don’t like this method, but seriously consider the personals.
For people who have busy lives, it can be the perfect way. Plus it will at least get you meeting people, which should boost your confidence, which honestly will draw people to you.
snort Joining a D&D game to meet girls. That’s funny.
Er, wait, I guess that’s how more than half my boyfriends met me . . . Okay, but, really, the odds aren’t in your favor. I recommend a Vampire LARP instead.
Well, everyone I’ve ever dated I’ve met at school. Perhaps you should pay more attention in your classes :). Also, you might be able to join some groups at your school that are more likely to have members your own age.
My sister met her current boyfriend at work. If you don’t have a job, perhaps you should get one. One at the college would be preferable for obvious reasons. If you can’t fit it in to your class schedule, then get one for the summer. Even if this doesn’t work, you will get some extra cash out of the deal.
The D&D suggestion might be a bit risky. My husband is a DM, and he has had all sorts of trouble when people in his group start dating each other. It’s OK when they are dating, but it’s hell when they break up. We had an ugly, ugly breakup two years ago from which the group still has not fully recovered. (A girl from one couple and a guy from another decided it would be a good idea for them to start sleeping together!) And, although my husband is delighted to find that the group is becoming much more balanced male/femalewise lately, one of his male players has suddenly quit because he liked it better when he was playing with “the guys”. (Actually, I do not think this is the real reason. I think the real reason is that his girlfriend is having some sort of feud in her own mind with one of the female players and has “suggested” that he not play. :rolleyes: ) You can date within your D&D group if you want to, but who gets the group in the breakup? That is an important question.
Good suggestions all… though I never would have considered joining a D&D game to meet girls! When I played a lot back in high school there were no girls involved whatsoever.
Try some sports leagues, co-ed if possible. You might meet someone on the team, but most of the ones I was in went out for lunch/drinks afterwards. It seemed to be a much more informal setting, because people were not all gussied up to [Tim Meadows]“meet the ladies”[/Tim Meadows]
Music groups are always good too.
I second eonwe on the D&D thing. When I was in high school being known as playing D&D was the fastest way to having all your saturday nights free to play. Of course, being painfully shy didn’t help either.
Might I suggest Eonwe, that you at least be open to the girls in the bars. Chances are, quite a few of them are just there looking for somebody to do something better with on their Saturday nights. If they are out-of-towners around for school, they just might not be aware of the other things your town has to offer in the form of entertainment. It could never hurt to offer to show them.
As far as alternate meeting places—hang out at the laundramat for a few. In my college town, that place was hotbed of flirtation and frustration.
I have to fully agree with Devil May Care on this one! Even if you don’t meet the love of your life - you can meet interesting new people. And those interesting and new people will know other interesting and new people.
You can answer on-line ads and get a feel for someone before you even meet them in person. There are tons of sites out there - and most have free features for those who don’t want to pay to join.
And hey - you never know - you just MAY find the love of your life!
The important thing is to pick an activity that you really like to do, then get involved with it.
If your community activities group doesn’t have anyone your age, maybe you can volunteer to recruit from the campus? Just think, spend a few hours at a table while like minded girls your age come and talk to you. And you’ll get extra brownie points for being a caring individual.
I like to look at internet dating sites & see whos got ads on them. Why yesterday there was a new one in my city (15,500 citizens), a 6’ tall woman with two kids who just had a sex change operation…sigh.
handy is rather practical & straight forward when looking for new relationships. If I want an email relationship I look for people who have email. If I want someone to talk to then I find someone who can talk well. So it all depends on what I’m looking for to have for a relationship before I decide where to look.
Okay, this is going to sound really cheezy and stereotypical, but might I suggest that you go to a cofee house instead of a bar. You will probably be more likely to meet poeple that don’t want to get drunk every weekend.
Or Maybe you could take a ballroom dancing class at your school. Those classes always have more girls then guys, you’ll have a choice of many woman. Not only that, but you’ll be able to impress any future GF with your newly acquired ballroom dancing skills.
I found this hilarious (but in a good way). I too am 21 in a college town. I go to the bars on a semi-regular basis, but I don’t get “hoed out.” I’m am pissed at the college scene–all relationships seem to be either one-time hookups or those overly cute, attached at the hip couples who are getting married right after graduation.
Oh, and I have been reading LOTR–I haven’t read it before and want to finish it before the movie comes out.
All this goes to show that your initial hypothesis of there being girl like you, but in a girl sort of way, is at least somewhat true.
If you’re really desperate to meet girls, you might try starting an all-female a cappella group at the nearest university, whether you’re enrolled there or not. It may not pay off right away, but it has to result in something eventually.
