Ah yes, Collunsbury, the Middle East Expert, the expert on everything, the expert on every subject we haven’t thought of yet, begs to have a pit thread for him. At the risk of being declared insane, I decided to stop his whining and make one!
Now what to pit him about? Hmm, his writing skills is surpassed only by few. His forensic techniques is extremely hard to pick on. His vocabulary embarasses even Henry Kissinger. Wait, I got something!
In this thread, elucidator asks “Geez, Collonsbury do you wear a suit and tie when you post?”, and you said, “Yes.” Man, Endicott is laughing at you at how square you are. I supposed that you wear a suit and tie while taking a shower too (very efficient, sure reduces trips to the laundromat). You also probably wear it bed. I Imagine you wear the tie in bed because it gives your wife something to play with; you are too modest to do it yourself? Man, loosen up a little. Have a little fun. The world won’t be destroyed if you blink.
C-Bury, it’s time to shit or get off the pot. If you wish you were a cheesemaker, then for Gawd’s sake will you go take some courses or something, sign up at the junior college, anything–just go be a cheesemaker.
Hmm, half-hearted pit-posts aren’t, I’m sure, quite so fulfilling as a real, “C, you’re a fucking asshole” posts, but none-the-less his time has come.
Collounsbury has a fucking nagging way of making his debates complicated in an attempt to not actually have to deal with any particular topic. When one topic does come up, the bastard simply tells us he doesn’t have the time to dig up the information, or his books are at home (what, you can’t fly around the world to post you lazy sob?), or some other such drivel.
I suspect his smart-ass remarks are an attempt to get him to the pit where he doesn’t actually have to debate, which makes me wonder all the more about his stupidity of not just staying in the pit in the first place.
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Judges, how was that? Good flaming? I’ve never really done this before, except once at Otto, and even then I wasn’t particularly interested in flaming.
I hope C is happy, he needs a good SDMB flaming like some people need domination for a really good sexual encounter.
What’s going on? I am hearing crickets chirping. Is dissing Collunsbury taboo? Come on, this is the same board that has, “Fuck you God!!!” as one of the thread titles. Well, fuck you too, Collunsbury!!!
Wait a minute…I don’t want fuck him. I am a man and men don’t generally turn me on. Besides, if I were gay, I may have to fight Esprix for him. Not to mention, oh, about a thousand other women posters, includig some that might be underaged.
I will repeat what I said over in Scylla’s pit thread.
I would rather deal with a hundred Collounsbury’s than to put up with even one of the drive-by or argue-without-suggesting-alternatives style of poster so common over in GD. However rude and abrasive (something I’m routinely accused of as well) he may be, Mr. C delivers the goods. And that is a lot more than many posters do.
And could you puh-leeze learn to type?
[sub]I mean, jeez 2-3 master’s theses per thread, sometimes argued almost in real time and you don’t own a fucking spell checker?!? Loser. Dork.[/sub]
That would only be true, Prima, if the C-ster wishes at the moment to be a cheesemaker now or in the future; however, if he is merely expressing a wish that he had been a cheesemaker at some point in the past, then he is using the verb correctly.
The guy is a pedantic, intellectual snob, kind of guy who reads a cereal box and is perplexed that it lacks footnotes. His dick wears glasses. He owns a theasaurus, but has never opened it. When he calls tech support, he tells them whats wrong. He…
Sorry, lad. Heart’s just not in it. It would be like beating up on Mr. Peepers.
(Yes, I already posted this elsewhere. Damned if I’ll do this twice.)
Fine Collounsbury, you shall have what you desire. <Whipping off glove and dashing Collounsbury across the face> Here I am, an ignorant newbie ready to take on your self-centered, rather unattractive ass.
What shall I rant on? Well, let’s just look to your recent postings in the thread about Scylla. What was that particular thread about? I believe Elucidator was ranting about Scylla. Interesting thread, but YOU were not content to just deal with that particular subject. No, YOU had to make that particular thread about YOU.
“Poor me, no one will take me on in the pit. . .not even a newbie”
Yeah, well, fuck you Collounsbury. Can you try not to brag about yourself in a thread that had nothing to do with you and your SPECTACULAR abilities? Huh?! Just because you and several of your followers believe you are a “Master Debater” does not give you a right to hijack a thread in order to puff yourself up. And yes, I am aware that I am to some degree hijacking this thread, but I am sure you are monitoring it faithfully as it is about YOU.
Your statements in this thread indicate that you feel none of your fellow Straight Doper Posters would take you on if they had been around for any real length of time. Your postings in this thread indicate you believe only a newbie would be stupid enough to start a rant thread about you. This is incredible HUBRIS. This makes you fallible…
The fucking whiny crybaby blubbers about not having his own pit post, and you just knuckle under and give it to him?
The terrorists have won, capacitor. I weep for our country. Excuse me, make that MY country. It’s clear you and Collounsbury don’t give two shits about the U.S. of A.
(a) I do know how to type. It is simply my stubbornness. One, to manage to get work done and make my posts, requires rapid typing and little to no proofing. Two, having had my laptop’s keyboard replaced overseas, I now have a pan-European keyboard that is not recognized by my laptop. True, I could fix this, but I enjoy the challenge of having to puzzle out from time to time which values are where. Besides, switching between languages and keyboards has now utterly confused my small squirrel like brain.
(b) Hiryu style looney tunes are not my style. Please see the following ( http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/showthread.php?threadid=97476&postid=1812037 )
for an overview of my preferred prey. Note, having largely exterminated – in conjunction with fellow predators—the race baiters I have to move on to other prey. Such as ignorant religious bigots and genocidal idiots.
(d) No make that four items, only four items. Hmm, a good set of points by a newbie – if that is what she really is—and of course by my amigo ERL who perhaps understands me too well. I may have to find him and kill him.
(e) Five items, okay, only five items. Citations in response to flirting, what can be more me?
(f) Six, perhaps merely six items. What I really want is someone to really start a pit thread on me. I feel neglected and some folks, whose user names start with l or k or m, are denying me. I haven’t had a good pit thread since peace. I could start me own, but I note that almost every GD poster with long-run exposure has had at least one pit thread with him or her a featured attraction. Why not me? Bah.
Because you’re so freakin’ scary in that Armani-suit-wearing, please-father-my-baby, don’t-hurt-me-yeah-hurt-me-please type way.
And I noticed a certain poster who got slammed by you, and then opened a pit thread about biblio not restraining the mad dog that is Collounsbury.
Yeah. Hurt me baby.
[sup]So, do I get a reading list?
I can cope with the haughtiness. (I just call him on it when I see it happening.)
I can cope with the misspellings and grammatical miscues. (These I attribute to switching back and forth between languages. Besides, the juxtaposition of intellectual hubris with poor grammar is an ironic treat.)
It’s the fawning sycophants I really don’t get. (Jealousy. How come I don’t rate any groupies?)
