Sorry to hear that @Beckdawrek, I guess it depends on how bland and how low carb you want stuff.
I’ve had decent success with a number of tofu based dishes, but normally our emphasis is adding flavors to reduce the blandness. Still, I find it helps to manipulate the textures to generate something slightly more pleasing to palates trained to western tastes.
For extra-firm “brick” tofu, we slice it into thick slabs, and then freeze flat, thaw, and THEN squeeze, using the damage caused by the ice crystals to better drain. Then you can season (soy, a bit of smoked salt, and ginger for us, but probably a gentler mix for you!) and pan fry with or without a coating, and eat like a mini-cutlet.
Or you can mix silken tofu with very mild seasonings, some agaror other gelling agent, and make into custard - we did a nice pseudo-flan recently, though it took twice the agar expected to firm it up (it may have been our agar was old). You’d want to skip the caramel topping, and probably use a non-sugar sweetener, but otherwise the taste was mild, and it can serve as a reference.
Still, you’re right, a lot of “bland” foods imply a heavy starch component, which I’d rather you not risk. I’ll post more if I can think of it.
Are there any flavors that you strongly dislike or set off your stomach? Because that’s something we should consider as well. You mentioned cruciferous being a trigger, which rules out a lot of cauliflower options, but what about parsnips, rutabagas, or turnips? They still have more than ideal carbs, but can be roasted simply and have milder tastes.