Columbus Meeting recap

Per the demand of Uke, I’ll start a new thread for the tale of our little bacchanal.

The story begins at a hotel bar on Lane Ave in Columbus, Ohio on a crisp autumn eve. The characters gathered to share stories of depravity and degeneracy. All were drawn by the common bond of desire for potent drink.

Those poor wretched souls in attendance encompass:
Melatonin, a lovely young lady who appeared shocked at the baseness of the rest of the group.
The Doll, the voluptuous siren and hair of solid gold.
Drain Bead, a charming vixen whose wit was only surpassed by her intellect.
Otis, a terribly intense buck with a smoldering visage, beau of The Doll.
Ranger Jeff, the eldest of the group who ruled with enlightenment and paternal wisdom.
Sucellus, acerbic, caustic mimicry of Bob Ross and longtime pal of UncleBeer.
UncleBeer, this oaf was relentless in an attempt to be the court jester, failing miserably.

We all met at the hotel tavern, UncleBeer and Sucellus were a bit tardy and the others were already in high spirits. We consumed several intoxicating beverages at the hotel bar and complained about the infestation of fruit flies. This is where the goats enter. I will let the others regale you with tails of the genus capra; the full story was divulged by a rude hotel manager only to the first arrivals. If memory serves, there was some sort of a goat fancier’s confab at the hotel the previous week. The only animals I recall clearly are the helper dogs for a convention of the visually impaired. Debates were fired by topics in a book called “Horrible Questions” or something like that. We all agreed we would stop short of digging up bodies and sucking out the bone marrow. Just about any act was fair game with the proper pecuniary encouragment.

From the hotel we left for dinner, intending to stop a bistro next door. Well, we didn’t make it to that particular place, but walked a bit further up High St to the Blue Danube, affectionately called, “The Dube.” Cocktails and dinner were consumed amongst a crush of college students. The restrooms of “The Dube” are of particular note. The ladies room is best described, as “pepto pink,” while the men’s room was a shocking blue. UncleBeer was considering a margarita until he saw that the salt used on them was the exact hue of the men’s room. After dinner the lovely Mel made her exit, showing far more sense than the rest of the troop. More drinks were served and consumed.

After taking several photos to memorialize the assembly, the remainder of the group strolled up the street. Sucellus made a quick stop at a carryout to get his fix of lip balm and caught up to the rest of us at the next corner. There a few more bid their adieu, Ranger Jeff, The Doll and Otis went their separate ways.

Drain Bead, Sucellus and UncleBeer continued on up the street for a nightcap of ale and greyhounds. We found ourselves in a quaint little hovel with an interactive trivia game in progress. Needless to say, we were victorious. After thrashing the opposition we made a quick and stealthy departure to escape the wrath of the vanquished.

That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Anyone who doubts me will blackmailed with the photographic evidence in my possesion.

Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Sounds fun. Me and my son will be coming next time,if pl doesn’t hurt his ankle again. My son won’t be drinking,but if someone wants to buy me a drink…my son will also clean the windows as he is wont to do in public. :slight_smile:

You met Ranger Jeff??? Be still my heart. Send me a picture, of you and Jeff. I’d love to see what you look like, considering I’ve been partying at your house all weekend. I’ll pay you. :wink:

YES! Please post pictures! I have seen photos of Jeff and Libby (both are veeeeeery cute), but I would love to see what the rest of you look like.

(Hey UncleBeer - You can send me nudie shots!)

Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.

Howz about if we trade nudie shots, Diane.

Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Hey, now, nudie shots of Diane should be posted for all to see.

Unclebeer you can send yours to her personally.


Like I said in another thread, just as soon as I find a willing photographer.

The last 12 have run out of the room covering their eyes, screaming in horror.

But hey, that doesn’t mean you guys can’t send me yours.

Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.

Diane, all you need is a photographer? Check my profile. :slight_smile:

Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

But I said “willing”. You may not want to be too quick to offer until you see me nekkie. :slight_smile:

:::patiently waiting JPGS from:::

Please tell your pants it’s not polite to point.

I guess I can spill the beans now. We almost had a couple suprise guests at the hayseed confab.

I got an e-mail from Melanie (now Saxface) last week. Apparently her and Alpahgene had some plans to pop in and suprise us. Due to some last minute family plans and Melanie’s birthday they were, however, unable to attend. Too bad.

Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

That certainly is spilling the beans, UncleB. Now the surprise is ruined if we were to secretly invade another city meeting. SHHHH!

But you know, I have to admit I’m thoroughly perplexed by the “description” of your meeting. You met here, you went there, the paint was weird, you went somewhere else, you went home? Huh? Please provide some meat, some gossip or start some rumors. Alleged naked photos aren’t even interesting! Go with it, paint me a picture that made me wish I had been able to go!

Or else just tell us what you talked about.

Well, I was hoping some of the others would come in and share some lurid details. I wouldn’t want to be accused of monopolizing the thread. Besides, I spent most of my time with the goats.

Dopeler effect:
The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Well, why don’t you tell us about the goats? They let goats drink at bars in Ohio?

Do they allow goats to drink at bars in Ohio? As the old 8-ball used to say, “All signs point to yes.” I personally did not see any goats knocking back shots of single malt (although I did see Sucellus have a few). However, TheDoll summoned the manager who did assure us that the annoying insects were left over from last week’s “goat fanciers convention.” (Insert your own surreal image here).

Despite having to swat away possibly diseased insects, a good time and many beers were had by all (except Drain Bead, who can’t stand the stuff and drank a plethora of many-colored cocktails). My personal favorite topic of the evening was how best to cook up a Morning Dove. I learned a lot.

And to UncleBeer and Sucellus, you guys missed a great game of footie on Sunday. Our Crew reigned victorious over the hated DC United by a score of 5 to 1.

So when do we start planning the next one?

“Stop the rope and let me in or I’ll go out and get some gin”

(In his best Arnold Horshack)


Didja talk about me? HUH? HUH?

Yer pal,

Unlike the arrogant NYCers, we Buckeyes have better things to say than idle gossip. :wink:

But seriously Unc, any chance of posting some pics ? I’m quite curious what nerds are hiding behind these witty one-liners :wink:


“You know how complex women are”

  • Neil Peart, Rush (1993)

All I have to say is that you better be careful about those pics, if you know what I mean. ~ :wink:

“Let me fall out of the window with confetti in my hair…”
Tom Waits

Due to the twisted liquor laws in Ohio, there must be at least one goat of drinking age on the premises during serving hours.

Sheep are also acceptable in Paulding County as long as they are accompanied by a legal guardian.

If you want to see a decent picture of this nerd (I’m not bad looking, but horribly non-photogenic), check Opal’s TM page. All of the pics taken of me at the meeting were utterly heinous, including one that UncleBeer could easily use to blackmail me.

Yes, I have a stupid human trick. Yes, I was stupid enough to do it on camera. No, I’m not going to post it. No, nobody else is going to, either. :wink: