Recently I’ve been trying to maintain a friendship with a really great person I got to meet this summer, who is now at school in NYC.
Sparing you all the nitty gritty details, over the past month or so she’s fairly obviously been avoiding talking with me in any way (e-mail, phone, whathave you). After sending her an e-mail voicing my “suspicions” that I was being avoided. I just got an e-mail from her last night with a general, “oh, sorry I haven’t gotten back to you, but one thing leads to another, and I just forgot/the dog ate my homework.”
So I wrote back and said, basically, “hey, listen, you’ve obviously been avoiding me. I’d like to know why. I’d love to be friends with you, but I can’t if there’s going to be some weird non-communication. What gives?”
My question to you all. Would you have done this, or would you have accepted the brush-off of the issue and just pretended like it hadn’t happened. Would you have kept your bruised feelings in or lay it out on the line, potentially being a bit of a jerk but hopefully getting an honest answer? I’ve just come to a point in my life where I have little to no patience for games and guessing what it is people are really thinking or feeling.
I probably would have accepted the brush-off, since I tend to be pretty non-confrontational in general. It sounds like you’ve done what you can to encourage the friendship along by trying to keep in touch with her, but sometimes those amicable feelings just aren’t so mutual. I’d say let it go, since it appears she’s not as interested as you are in keeping up a friendship.
I reckon that if you want to know, asking straight-out is a good plan. I think I’d have done just as you did, although I also have the suspicion that I’d end up being too practically apathetic.
I would have done as you’ve done because I need to know what’s going on. I ask if I need to know but I’ve learned that not everyone can be as confrontational, even in a very nice way. Some people don’t know what they want and just drift along, seeing what drifts by. Some people would vaugely like to be friends, but the effort it takes to maintain a friendship is beyond them. To me, it’s worth the risk of having my bruised feelings re-bruised or un-bruised by asking a question in the hopes of an honest answer. I’ve learned that asking a question, however, does not guarantee an honest answer. Pushing for answers may seem like being a bit of a jerk, but so does evading someone who would take a straight answer and not push anymore after.
I don’t know. NYC kind of does that to people. When you first get here there is so much to do and see, and you meet so many people. Add to that the fact that the city can tire a person out and that may be why she is not getting back to you.
I think you did good, Eonwe. I’d have done the same thing, although I would have toned down the “you’ve obviously been avoiding me” sentence. I’m the kind of guy that needs closure with this kind of thing, and the only way to get it is to talk about it.
Dude, she’s clearly brushing you off and is too nice/timid to say, “Hey look, I don’t ever want to talk to you again. Ciao.” You can continue pressing it if you like, but you’re probably just making her uncomfortable (remember, she’s too much of a dork to flat out tell you she doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore). Some folk don’t like telling people straight up that they’re sick of 'em… sooooo they play the blow off game. When confronted they make (really lame) excuses and then play the blow off game some more. Take the hint, pal. :o
btw - I, for one, am not a huge fan of the blow off game. It’s much easier to say things straight out as a lot of people (ahem) do not get subtlety. However, if some guy were to clearly give me the cold shoulder, I’d leave him be.