So the other night my friend and I were having drinks in a bar. She and I do this about twice a week. We were having a pretty good time, as usual (at least, as far as I could tell…).
But then I stepped on a landmine. Apparently. We frequently do discuss a handful of people she’s not friendly with, and that subject came up again, regarding one particular individual. I told her about something he’d said.
She didn’t seem upset at all when she got up to use the bathroom. Then she sat back down and told me that it was all very childish.
And then she got up again to walk over to the bar, which was behind where I was sitting. It wasn’t clear to me that she had left until the bartender told me that my friend had paid for my beer… and was gone.
So, when I got home, I tried calling my cell phone. Got stuck with the voice mail, of course… so I left her a message saying that it was obvious to me she was very upset about something, and I really wanted to talk to her about it.
Still no word back… it’s about two days later. A friend is visiting from out of town, so I don’t necessarily expect that she’d call me while he’s here. He’s here for an unspecified amount of time.
But what should I do at this point? Try to call her again? E-mail? If so, when? What does one do when your friend
- Won’t talk to you because
- (s)he’s upset with you
- and you’re not sure why?
From what you say- you mentioned something this person had said- sounds like she’s blaming the messenger. Not your place to fix things- she has no right or reason to be angry or upset with you. Now, if you said you agreed with him, or something like that, keep calling and sounding suitably contrite. E-mails aren’t good conveyances of sincerity.
It would help if we knew what you said to her Engywook.
I told her that this other guy said that he didn’t like her.
I know, usually not a good idea, but we had always been honest with each other about that kind of stuff before.
And she doesn’t like him, either.
Why would you tell her something like that?
There’s a line between honesty and cruelty, and I think you crossed it.
Honesty is all well and good, but there’s such a thing as diplomacy too.
I think you need to go see her in person and apologize.
Thank you for your honesty, ivylass. You are absolutely right.
I described above what I was thinking when I said that. But that stuff really doesn’t matter. I hope it is possible to say this to her in person.
if she doesn’t like him either what’s her problem? 
SCORE!! At least you got a free beer out of the deal!! 
Always look on the bright side of life…
“Lets get them meek bastards NOW!”
Still think you didn’t do anything wrong… I mean, if you just blurted out “Jeff hates you, Anne-Marie!” (names changed to protect the innocent… AND the guilty) then you really ought to go apologise… but if it was a topic she brought up or you’d been on for a while, and she dislikes him anyway, I still maintain it isn’t your fault.