People who mix their metaphors until they make no sense whatsoever seriously piss me off.
Or were you quoting Opus and I’ve been seriously wooshed?
Hey, don’t grind all your axes in one basket, Mycroft!
Now see, that kind of stuff just gets my knickers all riled up! 
Poor personal grooming habits?
Today I woke up refreshed after a good night’s sleep and was fucking furious. I’d had a lot to drink last night and still had a decent sleep. What the f…? I was expecting to be tired and maybe hung over but wasn’t and I’d been deprived of my rant. Christ I was angry.
Came to work. The bus was early, got a seat, and guess what? THERE WAS NO TRAFFIC!! Jesus H. Christ I mean, no fucking twat in the bus lane, no dodgy traffic lights, nothing WHATSOEVER to slow me down. So I got to work early, eight-twenty, I was first person in AND NOBODY HAD GRABBED MY PREFERRED HOT DESK!! I was just so angry, just because some motherfucker HADN’T pissed me off and ruined my day.
I went to make a cup of tea and THE MILK WAS FRESH!! Jesus H. Christ on a fucking unicycle. Fucking FRESH!! Some considerate bastard had made sure the milk was OK. Why? Do you get a buzz out of thinking of other people? Come on, join the human race and act like the rest of the fuckwits.
Then I started reviewing the use cases for the work I was doing. AND IT WAS STRAIGHTFORWARD!! The full-wit who had written them had done a FUCKING GOOD JOB. Bastard! Why bother doing a good job when all you do is deprive me of an excuse for a good, toe-curling, bowel-loosening, air-bluing rant? Jesus H. Christ and all his fucking disciples on a cycling holiday in the arse end of Bolivia!! What’s the fucking world coming to?
And then what? Don’t guess, I’m going to fucking tell you. I FINISHED THE JOB EARLY AND COULD GET ONTO THE SDMB SOONER THAN EXPECTED. Jesus H. Christ, his brother Eric and all the fucking disciples, and all their brothers, also called Eric, on a fucking JUMBO JET, flying to New Zealand on cheap round the fucking world tickets with their bicycles carried free, was I angry! So fucking angry that I would have started this thread ON MY OWN if some other considerate git hadn’t beaten me to it.
There. That’s better. Glad it’s off my chest.
That’s gorgeous!
[sub]But what about his sisters and his cousins, whom he reckons up by dozens, and his aunts?[/sub]
OK, this is really lame, but I was watching Oscar last night and I just HATE it when everyone pronounces the name of a character differently! In this movie, one person would say the name “Provolone” as “Prov-o-lo-nay,” another would just say “Pro-vo-loan,” and yet another said “Prev-a-loan.” Can’t you have a meeting before shooting begins and tell everyone the way all names are to be pronounced? In O Brother Where Art Thou? one would say “Del-mahr” and another would say “Del-mer.” In McClintock, you had your choice of “Ma-clin-TOCK” or “Ma-Clintic” COME ON GUYS!! MAKE UP YOUR MINDS!!!
Along with that,
I swear I am the only person in Iowa that LIKES banana milk. Can’t find it at the grocery store or at any of the gas stations in town. :mad:
I’ve always been intrigued by it but opted for old reliable chocolate or strawberry milk. Thanks for the tip; I will have to try it.
I HAVE NOBODY TO BITCH ABOUT!!! I HAVE NOBODY TO BITCH ABOUT!!! I HAVE NOBODY TO BITCH ABOUT!!! I HAVE NOBODY TO BITCH ABOUT!!!
Takes finger off caps lock. . . thinks . . . Opens phone book to random page . . . finds somedbody to bitch about
Attention: {deleted. Lynn}. . You are an evil, soul sucking bastard and if you would be so kind as to remove your pedophiliac arm from around your niece and pay attention, perhaps you will listen long enough to become a dirty old man - you cocksucking pervert.
There are so many levels on which you deserve villification and hatred John Lindenquist, but I will concentrate now on a few of your more despicable traits, you loathsome maggotfucker.
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You sell Florida landshares that is nothing but swampland to the elderly. I hope you roast for eternity for your crimes to humanity, skullfucker.
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When you worked at Burger King you always pissed in the lettuce bin. I saw you do it, mokeyswarmer.
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When you were a contestant on Wheel of Fortune, you spun the wheel with your spunk-caked right hand, the one that just finished “polishing the pope’s nose” in the dressing room while you envisioned Pat Sajak on all fours wearing just the skirt part of a Catholic schoolgirl’s uniform. Die in hell, freak.
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You are dirty and nodody can stand the smell of you. Your filth is a plague to humanity. Kill yourself, hairball.
Well, I could continue to tell the world of your miserable actions, but even writing of you sickens me, so I must stop.
you better hope thats not a real person…
Ditto to what Vanilla said…
Devorzhum, I don’t CARE if that was a real person or not. DON’T post names, addresses and phone numbers. You very nearly got banned. The first rule of the Straight Dope Message Board is “Don’t be a jerk.” You just exhibited world class jerkitude.
Lynn
For the Straight Dope
Lynn Bodoni,
I apologize if I was in violation of Pit rules. Please let me explain my post: I invented a person’s name. I invented an address. I invented a phone number. The only two items in the line that was deleted that actually exist are: the area of New York, and the area code that matches it. So, I thought it acceptable to post this fictional information. I was wrong and apologize for doing so. At the time I posted, I thought it was just a harmless parody that could not possible be read any other way. After re-reading it I see that is not the case, and again I apologize.
I should have typed this disclaimer at the bottom of the rant: (All similarity to any persons, street addresses, or phone numbers are pure coincidence and should be treated as such.)
But in my defense let me also say that I have read many similar rants to the one I posted that are addressed to actual people (including fellow dopers that may actually read the crap that was written about them.)
There isn’t anything specifically in the pit rules that states that one cannot create a fictional person, address and/or phone number and then rant at them mercilessly (although it is seen to be in extremely poor taste to do so.) In point of fact however, the only REAL person that was insulted as a result of my post was myself, when you, Lynn Bodoni, called me a jerk. You might be happy to know that I took it in stride and was not offended. I mention this not to “shake a stick” at you Lynn Bodoni, but to show how easy it gets to insult a person, and that you could have corrected my behavior without resorting to derogatory terms.
I would never post anyone’s actual personal information and again I apologize for posting fictional information that when read looked to be real.
/me edges slowly away from Devorzhum, nervously examining the sky…
We were hoping it would be normally nice outside for Halloween!!
The average here then is 55!
Its supposed to be 40 only!
In the daytime!!!
AARRRRRR!!!
Not much fun wearing a winter coat over your costume!
Devorzhum: Once upon a time, shortly before the Winter of Our Missed Content, in fact, we had a poster here who I strongly suspect was a sociopath, based on his posts here and on the other board to which he linked. Anyway, he got into some kind of altercation in the Pit, and when someone called him out, he brayed, “All right, come and get me! My address is deleted by UncleBeer; my phone number is deleted by UncleBeer, and I work at deleted by UncleBeer.” Then the poster he challenged provided his personal info, with similar results. This went on for a few more posts, and ended with UncleBeer saying, “I am finished dicking around with you guys. The next person to post personal info will be banned.” I wanted to change my sig to “Deleted by UncleBeer”, but thought better of it.
I recommend you get a thicker skin if you want to hang around the SDMB.