I hate all you assholes

… ‘you’ here, being ‘you who lure me in with your tasty titles so I’ll read your random rant about some lame issue in your life’ – Hey, mother-fuckers! Does my nametag say ‘SUCKER’?!? No! So why are you sucking me into you rant about your aneurysm of an in-law or the secretary who stole your dirt-devil or the guy at Starbucks who keeps using cinnamon sticks instead of cinnamon powder?!?

Fuck that, I came to do some fucking serious rubbernecking!

I wanted to see entertaining annihilation and nuclear meltdowns, not about how the board won’t let you get tenure! I want to see outrageous rants about no-good hermaphroditic sex-addicted toffee salesmen! I want to see rage, humiliation, cons, and people being made to feel like small peices of shit, becuase that makes me feel better.

You, the lurers, you are guilty of false advertising and stealing my time! I hate all you assholes, without whom, I could be curing [sickle-cell anemia and researching my third novel about Russian STDs! But no, I am the crack-cocaine addicted rat “oh, look someone hates me, or maybe hates the whole SDMB,” Hmm. Click, click, click, AAAAGHH! WHERES MY DRAMA! I want my SHADENFREUDE, damn you, not some whine about how your water-delivery boy keeps getting Poland Spring on your carpets! This is lame-ass hatred – my hate for you is of legendary proportions – I fucking triple-fudge hate you with sprinkles on top for making me click on your hypothetical board-hating thread!

You lousy persistent-fecal-drip butter-monkeys, I hate you so very much. Give me back my life, you reprehensible anal-leeches! I don’t have better things to do? Fuck you with an saguaro cactus, If I wanted bogus overpackaged drama-cum-humiliations I would be watching JOE MILLIONAIRE RERUNS – RIGHT NOW!!!
Thank god I have every episode on tape.


Hey, God gave you style, God gave you grace, god gave you a smile upon your face,

but when you draw the line your guess is as good as mine.

You butt-licking, syphilitic, puppy-kicking crack whore! Where do you get off thinking rants are meant to entertain you?

Hey. Wait a minute. I like to read rants for the entertainment value, too.

Never mind. Carry on.

Mmmmmmm…cinnamon, toffee triple-fudge, sprinkles, butter, cactus, grglgrglgrgl.


Being an asshole, I assumed this thread would be about me. It isn’t.

I don’t know what it’s about, but I’m pretty sure it’s not about me.

If you don’t like us and our need to rant, go away, or don’t read our threads.

Why the fuck did I have to waste my time opening this thread? I feel like such a sucker.

All I can say is, I wish I had some toffee right now.

Given that my location was on top of a cactus for the longest time, would you like me to pull the saguaro out of my ass so you can fuck someone with it? I’d be quite happy to do so.

I think that’s my new favorite line. :smiley:

Glad to help. :slight_smile: But I must apoligze for my effrontery. Please amend the offensive statement to “…with a saguaro cactus.”

tunabreath: Obsess about food, much? You forgot the two other prime foodstuffs in the OP, Fresh-from-the-Maine-acquifer Poland Spring bottled water, and just-like-mom-used-to-make Crack Cocaine.


Your mom made you crack cocaine? Lucky dog. All we got was discarded marijuana seeds. I was so deprived as a child. :stuck_out_tongue:

An amusing rant, I agree:)

However. You are responsible for your own amusement. We are not your babysitter nor the clown at your sixth birthday. If this forum doesn’t provide you with any entertainment, don’t dent the door with your assprint on the way out:p

I fucking hate when that happens.

[ul]:cool: [sup]Why don’t you go speak to BURNER about this problem?[/sup][/ul]