… ‘you’ here, being ‘you who lure me in with your tasty titles so I’ll read your random rant about some lame issue in your life’ – Hey, mother-fuckers! Does my nametag say ‘SUCKER’?!? No! So why are you sucking me into you rant about your aneurysm of an in-law or the secretary who stole your dirt-devil or the guy at Starbucks who keeps using cinnamon sticks instead of cinnamon powder?!?
Fuck that, I came to do some fucking serious rubbernecking!
I wanted to see entertaining annihilation and nuclear meltdowns, not about how the board won’t let you get tenure! I want to see outrageous rants about no-good hermaphroditic sex-addicted toffee salesmen! I want to see rage, humiliation, cons, and people being made to feel like small peices of shit, becuase that makes me feel better.
You, the lurers, you are guilty of false advertising and stealing my time! I hate all you assholes, without whom, I could be curing [sickle-cell anemia and researching my third novel about Russian STDs! But no, I am the crack-cocaine addicted rat “oh, look someone hates me, or maybe hates the whole SDMB,” Hmm. Click, click, click, AAAAGHH! WHERES MY DRAMA! I want my SHADENFREUDE, damn you, not some whine about how your water-delivery boy keeps getting Poland Spring on your carpets! This is lame-ass hatred – my hate for you is of legendary proportions – I fucking triple-fudge hate you with sprinkles on top for making me click on your hypothetical board-hating thread!
You lousy persistent-fecal-drip butter-monkeys, I hate you so very much. Give me back my life, you reprehensible anal-leeches! I don’t have better things to do? Fuck you with an saguaro cactus, If I wanted bogus overpackaged drama-cum-humiliations I would be watching JOE MILLIONAIRE RERUNS – RIGHT NOW!!!
Thank god I have every episode on tape.